Any good examples to help point out sexism to my DH?

[BertieBotts]

As he announced this evening that I am "just looking for sexism everywhere" (Nope, not looking, it just is there) and he was upset that I saw the world as such a black dark evil place (I don't).

I'm not particularly interested in explanations of privilege like the video game difficulty setting thing, just examples that he will "get". I used the example that a man might be upset if a man he knows wants to date his sister whereas a woman would never be upset at a woman wanting to date her brother, unless she thought the woman was a total psychopath. Well, that didn't work because he has 3 sisters, all an entire generation older than him so of course they have been overprotective and ridiculous over every GF he has ever had So I called "Friends" and he started making up arguments.

He gets the "big stuff", but he doesn't see the smaller, everyday type of feminism, and that's what I'd like to open his eyes to if possible. I know that a lot of it is just that it's invisible to him because it happens so often to women that we don't mention it and men, especially if they don't do it, don't realise that it's happening at all.

ps, I agree wrt Maxine Carr, I think she has been demonised. She lied to cover her bf's ass but when she was made to understand that he HAD done it, not that he just needed an alibi, she confessed that her alibi was made up.

I was so shocked reading the comments about kendra on the daily mail website just now. she was 18, alone, broke, uneducated and people have said she should have been grateful to hh. it'd make you SICK reading it.

Women are constantly judged more harshly than men are judged. More is expected from an 18 year old girl than is expected from an 18 yo boy imo

Just come across this - interesting www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=lNlKjUfmaUA

Every picture of a person published int he Sun over 6 months and pinned up, men on one side women on the other.

Not a single woman doing sport in 6 months sashh?!?

Now I'm depressed.

Tofffee don't be depressed, be angry.

Oh yes, 18yo girls are expected to successfully navigate relationships with older men and be responsible for being coerced or abused, yet 18 year old boys aren't supposed to be able to read a 16yo girl's signals or interpret them correctly and hence are off the hook

In a hurry so haven't RTFT (but will later!) so sorry if has been mentioned, but the whole 'slut' rhetoric. Eg a story I heard about some sport players having a threesome with a girl they met out in town. she was the 'dirty bitch' of course. Later I heard same girl described as the 'office bike'.

I didn't know that about Maxine Carr. I liked that video, though, I've shared it on facebook.

That video is brilliant. I mean, its awful, but if anyone's ever in doubt of the different ways in which men and women are portrayed in popular media, this illustrates it brilliantly.

I've been known to as football fans the 'who is the most capped England player?'. Of course they all proudly announce 'Peter Shilton' when actually the answer is Rachel Yankey who has 125 to Shilton's 123 (I think). The response I get to that is often depressing though-from eye rolls to 'I thought you meant real football' type comments.

Even if you Google 'most capped England player' it's Shilton's name that comes up. Yankey doesn't feature in the top searches unless you specify 'women's football' or put 'Yankey' in the search.

That's depressing. What a fabulous achievement for Yankey, yet she's eclipsed by a man who has fewer caps.

tell him about my sexually attractive single mother friend who was practically hounded out of a charming Sussex village. for real.

There was a brilliant thread on here a while ago about what it would be like if gender roles were reversed. Lots of eye opening stuff in that.

Ask him to look at any newspaper, or listen to or watch any news bulletin, and mentally substitute any men mentioned for women, and vice versa. The world looks very different (I can't stop myself doing this now!).

Does cutting the oranges up at half time count?

Do you mean during this game, cary?

m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=nQOuMWiGMrU
I think Stephanie could do with a sandwich as well as those oranges you are chopping. Welcome to MN!

Male celebs are never asked their dress size, their weight, their diet tips, their work out routine, their fashion inspiration, their favourite shops, where ther get their hair cut, if they feel pressure to look a certain way etc. That's pretty much all female celebs are asked, look at interviews with little mix vs one direction, massive differences.

A big one for me is news stories about e.g. an awards show, where they discuss the various successes of men in the photos, but only the appearance of the women and/or their relation to the men involved. Something like "Kim Kardashian, wife of megastar rapper Kanye West, looked stunning in her Versace gown. She wore her hair down in soft loose curls, accentuated by dramatic eye makeup and nude lips. Kanye, who was there to accept the award for , kept it cool in Vivienne Westwood."

Also, I LOVE this takedown by Anne Hathaway when quizzed about her fitness regime for the Catwoman suit! The questions he asks her in comparision to Christian Bale are so inane. FF to around 40 seconds.

ALSO (sorry for more posts, I keep thinking of things to add) I haven't scanned the whole thread yet, but has anyone pointed you in the direction of Everyday Sexism? A wondrous, but thoroughly depressing website, which has tuned a lot of my male friends into real everyday life situations they would never experience.

"Every picture of a person published int he Sun over 6 months and pinned up, men on one side women on the other."

Are you kidding??? How many hours did that take? Talk about too much free time

Everyday Sexism, a website for people to post experiences of sexism they have experienced, but only women are allowed to post (irony much?)

Off topic but I love "devil's avocado".

X... if you want to do a version of everyday sexism for men, knock yourself out. No one's stopping you. Stop whining about women looking out for eachother and go and do something instead.

How about how you/one refers to people and characters where the sex is indeterminate, for example - a motorcycle rider, a bear in a book, a dancing banana - do you automatically use 'he' 'his' and 'him'? Why? They could just as easily be female.

I found that one especially thought provoking. I don;t know if I'm socially conditioned, or if it's because I have a DS, but I'm expecting a DD now, so I'm trying to retrain myself to use female pronouns for anyone/anything unspecified :)

purplefeathers - I'm pretty sure Fara Williams has broken her record. Which puts Shilton at at least number three.

Hello, can I add my experience? It's not every day (I hope) but it's the kind of thing most people think doesn't happen these days (I thought that as well until it happened), and it is what happens when the 'little things' go unchallenged:

My work had a reorganisation of staff so we had to apply for posts. I expressed an interest verbally to my manager about a role, to which he replied 'don't you have to be a big bloke, er, person, to do that job?'. (The job is not physical, it's regulatory so you might have to deal with a bit of conflict or make people do something (by taking them to court). I applied, I have a degree and masters in the subject and 3 years' experience of doing that exact job, alongside about another 3 of doing a related role. I didn't get the job, they gave it to a man with no relevant qualifications or experience. Although I spoke to the union, I didn't do anything about it at that time, instead deciding to prove my worth - I mentored the poor bloke doing the job, and showed I'd be great in this field. A year later, the bloke's 'team leader' type person (also a man) left, and I was offered the job straight off (the one above that I'd been passed over for a year before) - no interview or anything. However, I wasn't offered the same salary as the man doing the job before, even though it was the exact same job. I was informed it was because they were doing me a favour helping me with my career! A few months after starting I informed them I was pregnant, I was still trying to negotiate equal pay, and one of the comments about my pay/career progression was (boss gesturing to my belly) 'well you haven't done yourself any favours'. I did get equal pay in the end - I raised a grievance, lost, and went to appeal, and the union threatened to go to tribunal. I won the appeal and got equal pay about 8 or 9 months after starting the job.

ChristmassyMe glad to hear the union battled on for you and you got the settlement.

In some instances battering business is going to be the only way to get any change. Though will be at the cost of many womens careers being unfairly ruined/ostracised till the consciousness changes.

I was listening to Iain Dale on LBC the other day - he had interviewed Natalie Bennett, afterwards he interviewed a Tory MP - forget who, but Iain Dale asked the MP 'Can you imagine Natalie Bennet meeting Putin?' Followed by much guffawwing and chuckling...... Why? because she is a woman she couldn't deal with Putin??? ffs