Little or big feministy things you can do to help

[BriarRainbowshimmer]

I got the idea on the thread where people said they felt sad and overwhelmed by all the sexism everywhere, I feel the same. But surely there are things we all can do.

So let's brainstorm!
I'll start
#1. Donate to Women's Aid

So what do you want to do, practically, to celebrate them, mini?

I love this thread.

Make sure your daughters see you spending time with your friends. Too often women end up having their social time with their family (sisters, cousins etc) and it seems to lead to men getting out enjoying hobbies/socialising/life whilst women get to chat whilst preparing a meal/looking after children/seeing extended family - so not a real break away from everyday chores. Makes sure they see that Women's social time is as valuable as men's (probably more really, because we'll be relying on friends because - statistically speaking - male partners die sooner).

Oh I am loving this thread, too

Influence other women in your life to expect more from their husbands and society in putting women equally up there with men, eg child rearing and housework immediately comes to mind. We as women should expect more and better in our lives.

Complain, complain, complain about sexist advertising, whether it is TV, radio, in print or on the web. Remember in a marketing department's eyes, 1 complaint = 9 others who felt the same way but did nothing. Point out the sexism in the ad, and tell them as a consumer, you will not buy their product. This may result in the ad being recut to remove the offensive bits, or even better, the ad may be pulled and replaced (ask me how I know ).

marking my place on this thread really

one thing i do is try to avoid taking up women's time more than men's. women tend to be interrupted at work or leisure to assist other people far more than men are IME, implying their time is less important. so for example if at work i need to see someone in another department and i'm not sure what they look like or where they sit, when i reach their department (if there is no obvious "reception" or welcoming person) i will approach a man instead of a woman if possible. i have been in the position where everyone asks me for directions or for people's whereabouts, despite the fact that i sit next to a man who is in fact the departmental administrator who has access to everyone's calendars and floor plans. i don't

Ah but mini. a lot of those words DO have a gender connotation - just as jobs with more 'masculine' sounding attributes required are done so to put off female applicants. We have been trained to read these adjectives as traits we want to emulate on the basis of our sex. So men are more likely to believe they are "assertive" or "aggressive" because we have been told for most of our lives that these are not always a good thing for a woman to be (maybe in moderation, but who would apply to a job they moderately see themselves in the role as?). More about it here www.bizjournals.com/pacific/bizwomen/news/latest-news/2014/04/why-women-didnt-apply-a-primer-on-how-not-to-write.html

ZAZZLES HOW DO YOU KNOW!?

Mardy: It is possible for both extremes, niqabs or tassels to be free choice, or not.

This is difficult, as fussiness is fussiness and a tricky issue, but I am tempted to say bring your daughters up to enjoy their food, and not to be ashamed of enjoying their food. Praise being strong and healthy and praise and encourage a healthy appetite to go with it.

Don't be constantly dieting/only ordering a starter/only ordering a dessert/just salad for me/oh I'm being naughty having another biscuit.

I just don't see the same angst among boys over food as I do girls, and the difference in the sort of attention they get over eating. Girls get attention for being fussy, not eating, boys are praised as growing lads who love their food and never give it a second thought. Hope I'm not overgeneralising, but just speaking as I find.

#have views on politics/economics/current affairs and express them. Expect your DDs to have views and encourage them to express them with conviction
#always vote. Make sure your DCs know that women having the right to vote was very hard won, and is still denied to lots of women.

i would agree with that spookgremlin - especially in the sense of showing the value of nutrient-dense food (i.e. food with actual calories in it) because despite society's messages women aren't actually supposed to live on fresh air and low fat yoghurt. i find the idea that we should be seeking high-volume but low-calorie food enormously worrying

Totally with you Elephant

I don't understand why going out to work, while another woman probably on the minimum wage, looks after your DCs is somehow so virtuous?

Brilliant karma I'm going to use that if I get chance.

In response to the poster who asked about the word 'Actresses'. It's generally objected to for two reasons,
1- historically the word Actress was synonymous with prostitute. Actors were generally considered to be of loose morals but because of the patriarchy women were judged more harshly and they did often supplement their income with actual prostitution. Over time the status of the actor rose much more quickly than that of the actress.

1. It's the same argument as 'lady doctor' or 'manageress' there is no need to differentiate and it generally serves to devalue the contribution of women even in the arts, an industry full of women.

Get your ds vaccinated against HPV, to protect his future sexual partners.

enjoying this thread. I have a DS and just found out I'm expecting a DD. Looking forward to continuing my feminist parenting on two different sexes.

DS falls into mould of 'typical' 'boy' in many ways through his own choices, but loves his dolly, pink tutu and ballet. I hope i have the strength to stand up to social stereotypes as much, or more, with a girl.

Very much enjoying this thread.

Mine is a small thing, but I NEVER do gendered party bags for my dc birthdays. Dd chose purple, blue and pink as the colours for her party bags this year, and the only segregation was based on the age of her guests, as they each had a book in them. I got a few confused looks as they were handed out (some boys got pink and some girls got blue), but on the whole, the children seemed happy with the contents!

Don't let your children get used to seeing women doing more of the serving and cooking and clearing up at family events/meals.

Ask them who is better 'girls or boys' and then explain to them that their answer is wrong (90% of the time unless they have been taught differently they will say the best one is their own sex.) mine now challenge anyone who says 'girls/boys are better' .

Don't let societal norms constrain them, encourage them to do all activities equally, your 'boisterous' boy and 'girlie' girl may just surprise you.

Explain in unequivocal terms to both your daughters and your sons (when they are old enough, which will be much younger than we mostly would want) that porn is a bit like cartoon sex. In real life most people don't look like porn stars and that sex is much better if it's not so hard, graphic, anal obsessed. That gentle, slow (and then fast) and loving, fun sex can be far far better.

For me, one of the most important we have done (bearing in mind the number of threads on mn about men not doing their fair share in the house) was the DC seeing DH for taking responsibility for household stuff, cleaning, laundry, shopping, hoovering, main childcare provider, everything. In RL I'm so sick of comments such as "ooh isn't he good" and "ooh aren't you lucky"

My heart was warmed the other day when DS got the ewbank out and announced "I'm cleaning like a Dad".

Plan: Make my two typical boys learn to cook, clean and do laundry. Essential skills for the 21st century man. By the time they reach my age no self respecting woman will tolerate a man unable to do these things.

Spook, completely agree about girls and food. I know so many women who only think about food as good or bad, rather than fun, exciting, nourishing, sustaining. Girls should be encouraged to enjoy their food and having an appetite should be seen as part of being a healthy person.

Yes - the problem is that people make these kinds of comments. The answer instead of saying "yes I am lucky" is in actual fact "well he is their father"

80schild, like a pp mentioned elsewhere, I usually do a blank look and say "why?"

"* Don't hover over your small daughters saying "be careful" if they are doing something like climbing"

Why not? I would do the same with a boy. They do they need to be careful when climbing.

Well fair enough if you do. At least you're consistent. But stand around a playground long enough and you will see that many mums hover much more over their small daughters than they do over their sons and it teaches girls that the world is a dangerous place that they have to be fearful of. Our daughters need to learn to handle risk and assess what they are capable of doing and what is beyond them.

YY to boys learning to cook clean and wash - I never used understand why so many men get fat in their 40's after divorce...I do now! My dad, among many others of his generation, can just about boil an egg and do a basic pork chop. Everything else is M&S ready meals - he lives alone and so, despite long walks and swimming, he is getting a bit of a tummy. I have tried to teach him to cook many times but he doesn't seem to want to learn. Ditto with cleaning the bath, although he can throw around a hoover It's no surprise to me he hasn't had a gf in years! It should be a matter of surviving and being healthy, not 'naggy women doing silly work that no one would notice if it was left for a few more weeks' kind of attitude. If I had a boy I'd want to know he could look after himself properly.

Another like lady doctor, make nurse.
Woman Vicar in our parish magazine, Grr. Utterly unnecessary as the next line began "She said"

Although I do confess we have a postlady. We notice when we have the postman, because we get next doors post. (Ambiguous postcodes, computers seem to muddle us up)

No good hovering over my DDs when climbing. DD1 out climbed any boy in the playground (carefully and skilfully). DD2 just barged upwards with no thought for her own safety. Be careful was totally pointless in either case.