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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Dd 12 just asked me "what do I do about the hair down there?"

97 replies

Ledkr · 20/10/2014 20:59

What a bloody shame. Sad

OP posts:
BriarRainbowshimmer · 20/10/2014 21:13

Did you ask her why she wants to do something about it?

FuckOffFerret · 20/10/2014 22:10

:(

How do you think you'll answer it?

Original poster
Ledkr · 20/10/2014 22:12

Yes. We had a good conversation about it. I got the impression she just thought it needed removing in the same way as leg and armpit hair which I guess isn't surprising.
She hasn't started removing any hair as yet never mind fretting about her pubic hair Sad

OP posts:
Amethyst24 · 20/10/2014 22:15

Presumably she is asking because you've either talked to her or she's seen you removing hair from your legs and under your arms, and she is wondering why you've never mentioned hair 'down there', and now that she's dealing with hair elsewhere she is wondering about that? Whatever you tell her, I think it's fab that she is choosing to talk to you about this rather than turning to Cosmopolitan magazine or friends or whatever.

Original poster
Ledkr · 20/10/2014 22:15

I also briefly touched on the unrealistic portrayal of women in the media particularly porn (she cringed) and gave examples of family and friends whom she looks up to and told her that they all have pubic hair and how it actually does serve a purpose.
I bet she wished aged never asked Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Ledkr · 20/10/2014 22:18

Thanks amethyst

Yes I do shave my legs and pits as we are pretty dark haired. I told her most women just like to tidy it up when they wear a swimming costume but even then only if they choose to.

OP posts:
LetticeKnollys · 20/10/2014 22:29

"I think it's fab that she is choosing to talk to you about this rather than turning to Cosmopolitan magazine or friends or whatever."

Absolutely!

I would never in a million years have asked my mum about this, and in turn I would really love for my DC to be this open with me when the time comes.

For what it's worth, it sounds like she has wondered about it just because it's logically consistent with what we do with our legs etc, not because she feels obliged through images in the media into shaving her pubic hair, which is preferable IMO.

PuffinsAreFicticious · 20/10/2014 22:40

Yes, well done Ledkr and small Ledkr for getting to this stage being open and honest. My boys can also talk to me about anything, I think it shows a job well done Smile

I realise I am biased though!

Picturesinthefirelight · 20/10/2014 22:43

Dd tried to remove hers with scissors so I told her to use the cream she has for her legs & underarms.

I don't see a problem if that's what she wants to do. She fells self conscious when she's in her leotard though I have told her you can't see through the leotard lining.

Original poster
Ledkr · 20/10/2014 22:54

Dd wears lots of skimpy costumes for dance but she really doesn't have much to worry about yes.
Of course I'd advise her if she wants to remove it I just thought it was a Shane to be thinking about it so young.

OP posts:
Amethyst24 · 20/10/2014 23:02

Don't overthink it, Ledkr - it's a feminist issue for you; for her it's just part of the thrilling, chaotic, frightening experience of growing up. Honestly, I think you're fine. Smile

Amethyst24 · 20/10/2014 23:03

Doing fine. And so's she.

AdoraBell · 20/10/2014 23:12

Well handled OP. My DD, now 13, was worried about getting pubic hairs but I'm sure she's not the first in her peer group as here the expected age to start puberty is 10. I've had a Dr tell me DD2 was two years behind when she was 12, but he'd missed the fact that we are foreign.

I've also assured my DD that nothing needs to be "done" about it.

BlueberryWafer · 21/10/2014 16:06

I think it's brilliant your daughter felt comfortable enough to ask you - that's the type of relationship I have with my mother and it's something I've been very glad of when I've needed someone to talk to Smile

NadiaWadia · 21/10/2014 16:12

AdoraBell I didn't know average age of puberty varied from country to country. That's interesting, I wonder why? Where are you, if you don't mind telling?

kickassangel · 21/10/2014 17:01

Let it grow . . . (There's a whole parody waiting to happen there)

KarmaViolet · 21/10/2014 18:22

My mum doesn't remove any hair and so it was at school & through magazines that I learned women were supposed to. I think she was a bit disappointed when I started shaving my legs but something maybe stuck because I don't bother these days.

DP does prefer to remove hair, so my child gets one hairy mother and one non-hairy one. I'd be surprised if any girl chose not to shave now, peer pressure to do so is ridiculous - amazingly, in a group I'm part of, many of the younger women let their armpit and leg hair grow to make a radical statement… but shave their pubes because their boyfriends prefer it.

AdoraBell · 22/10/2014 12:55

Nadia I'm in Chile. My understanding is that people from hotter climates tend to experience puberty earlier. I don't know why that is.

Karma that is confusing. Social pressure at it's strongest I would sayHmm

maddy68 · 26/10/2014 23:00

I don't know that it is social conditioning. I remove hair because I don't like sweaty feeling I get with it! Nothing to do with conditioning
I would just say so,e people choose to remove it and some don't. It's entirely her choice to do as she feels. I would make sure that she is aware that there is no right or wrong. It's just how she feels about it

ZombiePuffinsAreREAL · 26/10/2014 23:16
Hakluyt · 28/10/2014 08:57

"I don't know that it is social conditioning. I remove hair because I don't like sweaty feeling I get with it! Nothing to do with conditioning "

I find the hair on my head gets sweaty and unpleasant when I exercise. So I get it waxed off every 6 weeks. So much cleaner than washing.........

Chopstheduck · 28/10/2014 09:05

Why did it automatically have to become a feminist issue? I feel a tiny bit sorry for her tbh, I bet she does wish she hadn't asked!

At 12 I would hope she hasn't seen anything like porn yet!

I shave, and it is a matter of personal preference, nothing to do with pleasing dh. I prefer it, feels cleaner. If my dd asks, I will tell her simply it is her body and her choice. My dd is 14 btw, quite hairy legs, etc, and most certainly wouldn't hear of shaving them! It's her choice. :)

maddy68 · 28/10/2014 20:46

Hair on your head doesn't smell of minge or sweat like other areas.
It's not social conditioning, it's a pong issue for me

Monathevampire1 · 28/10/2014 21:03

maddy68 if your minge smells you have a personal hygiene issue. Simply removing the pubic hair doesn't change anything.

Hakluyt · 28/10/2014 21:06

How on earth does your pubic hair smell of......er..minge? Do you nor wash? Do all of us naturally merkinned reek without knowing it?