37 year old man here

[BlueStahli]

Hello,

I'm a 37 year old male, married, with two children--a boy and a girl.

I've always had an issue with sexism. But only recently have I been delving headlong into it. I've been researching facts and studies, talking to people, getting opinions, and voicing my own views. In the process, I stumbled across this site. So I joined. I hope to learn much here. Needless to say, I'll be spending most of my time hanging out in the feminism forum.

My reasons for being here are three-fold:

1. I want facts! I want to know how sexism and discrimination have been measured/studied scientifically and what results have been found. I want to know what kinds of government policies and human rights have been instated (or removed) and where in the world this has happened. I'm tired of anecdotal stories and questioning how biased people's claims are and I feel I'm ready to take a position on more secure grounds--but I need to build those grounds first.

2. I feel I can contribute much to feminism by offering a man's perspective. I wear my heart of my sleeve and I'm not afraid to reveal personal information. But I also feel that if I'm going to give my perspective on certain issues, I'm going to have to earn the right to do it first (so you won't get it in my first post :)). I'm confident that I can do this in a constructive/non-offensive way, and if I ever do step out of line (never advertently), I'm open to being corrected. Ultimately, I feel that if two groups are trying to settle their differences, there's no better way than to hear the perspectives on both sides.

3. I've got issues! :) I really do! Like I said, I've always had issues with sexism, and lately I've been on a self-induced "therapy kick". I've been forcing myself to "get over it". Diving into the issue with other peopleother womenis how I'm doing it. I don't think I'll ever be "cured" of my issues, but if I'm going to be stuck with them, I figure I might as well have them for the right reasons (i.e. educating myself--as in #1 above).

So that's my spiel.

So first order of business: I'd like to ask if there are any males on this forum--particularly ones that frequent the feminism forum. I'd like to ask their advice on how a man conducts himself on a forum devote to moms and feminism.

Thanks :)

"I'm studying how sexist preconceptions lead supposedly intelligent adults to assume blonde women can't be lecturers."

I once 'played blonde' to some wanker who'd made predictable assumptions. My friends were all in stitches, but he was furious. I'd made a fool of him, apparently! What a pity.

Two days in that little hole you've dug is well enough, isn't it OP? I have a picture of a darkened space with nothing but a pair of blinking eyes looking out, topped by a severe frown, wondering if it's safe to come out yet. Assuming you aren't the 'k' person, yes it's probably safe, if you've digested the last 179 posts..(???)

I can't be the only person who is wondering about the conversation you have had with MrsBlue in the past couple of days..
MrsBlue: "You said WHAT?"

I will now forever hear Buffy's posts in a voice akin to that I imagine for Death in Terry Pratchett's books.

I once 'played blonde' to some wanker who'd made predictable assumptions. My friends were all in stitches, but he was furious. I'd made a fool of him, apparently! What a pity.

His society must have been so irksome. Badly done Emma, Badly done err no, Well done Buffy, Well done

Oh c'mon, cadno. If everywhere you went, men (NAM) assumed you were the admin/coffee person etc, you wouldn't occasionally be moved to mock the assumption?

By the way, it was Garlic, not Buffy.

as a professional academic-flatterer (yes, that is my job title ), rule 1 is to always assume that everyone is very senior and influential. not only does it not matter at all if they are not especially so (why would i be rude to someone just because they aren't as professionally advanced as someone else?), academia is quite diverse in terms of how people dress and present themselves, and lots of people will have taken different routes in, so you can't make assumptions. also, someone who is not yet very senior or influential yet may well become so in the future, so better to get them onside

Petula that reminds me of an event I recently attended. A few moths ago I went to a high profile talk given by a very senior and well known politician. There were many other senior politicians in attendance. I arrived early and went to collect my badge and asked the guy behind the counter if he needed to see my photo id (security was very tight and we were told we might be searched etc before entry). The guy behind the desk panicked and obviously thought I was someone he ought to have recognised and was like "well, er, yes, as we haven't met, like, personally before, yes, um..." It did make me laugh! Especially as I had just been approached by some uber sleazy dude who basically ran away as soon as it became clear that I was so unimportant that I wasn't even in paid employment (shock horror!)

A few moths ago? Months, damn it

conferences would be extremely boring if i restricted my conversations to Important or Famous people

The most intelligent person I have ever met is blonde and wears high heels and skirts. She works in a male dominated field that is extremely delicate and demands such diplomacy i do wonder whether she is playing the part to appear non threatening. I hope not, I hope it is her choice.

Hmmm, my friend tells me that the most intelligent person she ever met wears heels and a skirt. Unfortunately she also used to be married to him.

One of my relatives is recently become Very High-Powered. His wife told me that the very day he got announced in his super-VIP job, one of the ruthless social climber parents at their kids' school said a cheery 'Oh, hi [name]' to her after having studiously cut her dead for the previous FIVE years.

What was social climber thinking? I really wonder about that. That after 5 years of unpleasant and gratuitous snubbing relative's wife would be desperate for any crumb of attention? No, the boot's on the other foot now.

Perhaps the social climber wants planning permission for something or a discount on goods or to tag along to a swanky party?
It'll be something completely selfish anyway.

Probably, neil. But thr sudden change only really conveys that, not only does she think relative's wife is unworthy of courtesy, she thinks she's a stupid doormat as well. Since that emphatically isn't the case, social climber has not nowhere.

Tcha! got nowhere, I meant to say.

She won't give up that easily. Social climbers have a hide like a rhino.

Thanks AmyMN (and other posters) for clarifying re Kujo. Sorry for chucking my toys out the pram.

Ah, objectivity. The subjectivity of the dominant position (as someone once wrote in their PhD thesis).

Brilliant. stealing

A fairly reliable source told me a few decades ago about the high-powered reception they attended as a Fairly Lowly Official. Of course the big shots ignored anyone who clearly was or looked as though they might be a FLO, unless they were offering champagne. For example, nobody could be bothered to speak to a short young man who looked to be about 15 and a bit out of place. Who was, in fact, a Minister of State: one Francis Maude.