My 12yo brother posted this on facebook

[BertieBotts]

One of those joke picture things from the "UniLAD" page (TBH I've been waiting for a gross sexist joke since I first saw that he "liked" that page! Most of the stuff he posts is harmless.) The caption is something along the lines of "When I die I'm going to make my wife put my ashes in a curry and eat me so I can "tear dat ass up" [sic] one last time".

Then it has a caption which is basically "WTF WTF WTF!"

He's reposted the whole thing. I really suspect that he's taken the "WTF" part to be the curry-poo related part (and maybe general "OMG why would anyone say that?) and not realised the really ick rapey nature of the "joke" in the first place or assumes "tear dat ass" to be some kind of non literal euphemism for sex.

Maybe I'm overthinking it, but it comes across more literal (as a euphemism. I don't think anyone would literally mean that they are putting this in their will!) and gross and rapey to me and I'd kind of like to say something about it. What can you suggest?? I don't want to come across as preachy or uptight because it would be nice if I could actually make him think rather than making him switch off.

Ask him what it meant to him and take the convo from there.

Why is he on facebook? He's 12.

I have a 12 year old. I suspect he doesn't actually understand any concept of the post.

Because my dad has decided that parental controls are ridiculous and you have to trust your kids and gave him his own ipad when he was ten. He's only just 12 and he got an xbox with 3 18 rated games for his birthday as well

In some ways, it's good - through facebook and skype we've actually been able to start developing a relationship again because I've barely seen him since he was little. He thinks I'm "cool" because I play minecraft and DH works in computer games. Would be nice to plant some feminist thoughts there He won't get many from my dad.

I get that he's probably sharing stuff he doesn't really understand, so I don't want to turn it into a huge deal. I thought maybe posting something like "Rape jokes aren't funny, bro!"

Or should I just leave it?

I think your proposed post makes sense.

One of my fb friends shared a video from unilad recently. It threw me a bit.
It wasn't anything like that though.
I wouldn't post on his wall in case he went into bravado mode - maybe PM or on the phone?

My 12 yo wouldn't understand that at all. He doesn't have fb either, but he does have his own iPad.

I suspect at 12 he might not be getting the full implication.

UniLad is truly a vile little site.

At 12 he probably would not make the jump from curry poo to anal sex as the 'joke'. That said he will already have spent the last year at least surfing porn, absolutely he will. Its a pretty harsh world out there in the digital age for developing kids, no matter the gender. At 13 my eldest daughter came home from school and said... 'Dad, ummm... have you heard of 4Chan'? My face said it all. All you can do Beritie is be the rock that grounds him to reality while he goes through the online bravado phase.

All of the "LAD" stuff that is around is vile, it's ALL awful violent misogyny dressed up as male bravado and edgy humour and most of the men under 25 on my facebook seem to live and breathe it.

I don't want my 5yo DS going into that :( Gah! Please let the revolution happen in the next 7 years? :)

You might want to advance the timetable of your revolution by some years. I saw the materials my youngest daughters school friends were emailing to one another (ages 8-9). I wont mention the place some of those images came from, 'sick' and 'vile' covers it well. They were not aware enough to have any proper appreciation/understanding of it, but they were choosing to expose each other and themselves to shock material. Its why she chose (she chose herself, no prompting) to stop using her email to communicate with her friends. At 12 your brother is, I would imagine, parroting things because he has already become familiar enough with it all to feel confident linking it, not because its new to him.

If he's old enough to post it, he's old enough to be told what it means.

And why it's " not cool "

Bertie, if he'd posted a joke about coconuts that he didn't understand, you'd tell him, right?

Bill, probably not, because coconuts are harmless and I haven't yet got that kind of relationship with him. TBH I skim over most stuff that he posts because it's the usual preteen facebook antics, funny pictures, "Like for rates!" "Wots up" to school friends etc.

Hmm. The moment has passed, I think, but I'll say something next time :) DadWasHere I think you're right about him probably feeling familiar with everything but not really getting it yet.

Coconuts in the racist context?

Oh right, sorry! Yes I probably would but privately. But I do think that while racism in jokes is seen as a bit tasteless and agreed to be offensive by most people, rape jokes often aren't.

Send him a quick message explaining the joke and ask him how he'd feel about someone talking about you like that