Is sex working ever 'acceptable'

[neverthebride]

Hi everyone, this is my first post on this board so please be gentle (!) but I'd really appreciate some views.

I have a friend who is a sex worker. Very 'exclusive' kind of thing, earns a lot of money etc. I've known her for a long time but it's only recently that she's confided in me that that's how she earns her living.

I've known several sex workers in the past (I work in MH) and those people have been at the 'street level' and were invariably drug addicts and/or very damaged individuals who were abused in so many ways in their personal lives and as sex workers and would not have been sex workers if they felt they had other options.

My friend has apparently been doing sex work for a long time. She is highly educated, has no history of abuse in her life and seems to have made an informed choice to go into sex work as a 'business'. Her clients are big-spenders and she works in an environment where all possible safety precautions are taken. She does not do anything that she doesn't want to do and has made an enormous amount of money (which she admits she is 'addicted to').

I'm really torn on this issue which I didn't think I would be!. On one hand,I think HER experience might be positive but it's perpetuating the idea that sex and bodies are for sale and I absolutely disagree with that and know that the overwhelming experience of sex workers is just horrific.

On the other hand, I think she's an adult woman who's educated and informed and who am I (or anyone else for that matter) to say that she can't make the decision about what she does with her own body?.

I won't not be her friend because of her choices but I feel so uncomfortable with either of my thought processes. Help!

She hasn't. She has been the target of an on-line smear campaign.

"Bollocks"

Don't take my word for it. The person exposing her is a sexworker (a real sexworker, just to add).

maggiemcneill.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/gaye-dalton-affidavit.pdf

I don't see why Gaye Dalton would lie, unlike Rachel Moran she isn't earning money from speaking out. And she (Gaye) made a stat. declaration meaning if it turned out Gaye was lying she would be in legal trouble.

Well, Sabby dear - you're smearing me online at this very moment

" it was the results of the polls "

Polls are bollox. There's no way to tell if they were biased or not and usually we don't know the sample size.

It's like claiming "90% of British people believe in god" but conveniently missing out the fact you only asked 10 people and only asked people in a church.

Hannah - I'm describing it from the punter's POV. They want a section of women in society available for them to fuck for money. Judging from what's written on the Invisible Men website, they do not treat these particular women as fellow, equal, human beings. It's written in their own words.

Men that will pay to fuck women who don't actually want to fuck them (only about 10% of the population of men) are suffering from the Madonna/Whore complex. Some women are 'pure' - their wives, mothers, sisters/daughters. Some are not: "prostitutes", "loose women," "slags". These men subscribe to the view that women are not their sexual equals, they are just people to get sex from. They have no sexual needs of their own, sex is not an equal-participation activity at all for them. It's all about their own gratification.

I consider women equal participants - not something to be bought for sexual gratification of the man only.

vijon wrote - "Even if you can guarantee they won't face poverty, why should they give up their high paid job? What gives you that right to tell them what other adults can and can't do?"

Do you have any idea how many millions of laws there are in societies worldwide telling adults what they can and can't do? It's a lot. But you insist that prostitution has to be exempt from that. On the contrary, prostitution does not have to be a special case.

It's not me smearing you, hannah. It's reviews of prostitutes like this:

The invisible men Project: What about HIS choices

If society tolerates the treatment of one woman like this, it tolerates the treatment of all women like this.

And that top one was £40, vijon. NOT £100 or £200.

And she (Gaye) made a stat. declaration meaning if it turned out Gaye was lying she would be in legal trouble.

That's bollocks. People swear false stat decs all the time. Gaye Dalton was on here a few weeks ago and her behaviour was very odd and did not lend credibility to her smears against Rachel Moran.

What's your interest in prostitution hannah ?

Yeah yeah - NAPALT.

Yawn... not that again. They're real.

"And that top one was £40, vijon. NOT £100 or £200."

It didn't mention how much time the client spent with her. Not all bookings are 1 hour you know, sometimes it is for 30mins or even 15mins.

Let's hope so, for her sake.

I think sex work is fine if thats what she wants to do.

sex can be bought. consent can be bought. relationships can be bought.

whether people find that problematic sometimes doesnt change that. You dont have to like what she does, nor try and find a way to believe that she is exploited or doing harm, because it doesnt fit in with your idea of prostitution.

I think in some scenarios sex work can be acceptable.

having sex for money does not equate to being bought.

I find it odd that opponents of sex work always insist that the customer is buying the person rather than buying access to the person's time and skills. A transaction between client and sex worker is agreed to encompass either a specific amount of time or a specific set of activities, after which they go their separate ways.

There are plenty of jobs outside the sex industry where clients and employers do behave as though they own the people they are paying.

I will have to make this quick for now, but I am an ex sex worker. I first sold sex when I was 15/16 and was living in a hostel (Im not an addict, just had family problems etc), I did it because I wanted extra money for having fun with friends. I was sexually abused, I was groomed when I was 12 and manipulated into having sex with local lads who were a similar age but much more streetwise than I was at that time. I had a very naive, materially spoilt upbringing but things went quite wrong when mum and dad split when I was 9 and then when I was 12 and mum had a mental breakdown (bipolar etc runs in my family) and ended up in psych hospital. This happened several times over the years till I was about 17, she has thank god been well since then.

I started 'escorting' when I was 18 and legal to do it, I did this because I lived in a shit hole of a council flat, was always being sexually harassed by my neighbours and was skint, broke whatever you want to call it despite my dad topping my benefit money up by £200 a month I had developed and drink and drug recreational habit if you will. I wanted nice things also, I think to feel good about myself and wanted to buy these myself. I wanted to be self sufficient and tbh at that point was in denial about how much the sexual abuse and exploitation had affected my self esteem and life. Please note this is a very minor explanation of everything that happened throughout my life. I was also kidnapped with machetes by some older asian men when I was 13 and they raped me and my friend and locked us in this place for hours, among several other similar experiences. Life went from being perfect with a nice well off enough proper family when I was a young child to the near enough opposite within a short time space. I spent a short time in care shortly after I was raped for the second time.

I am very good looking and since being very very young had large breasts and a very womanly figure (I hate saying that tbh dont want to sound big headed but its true) and I always got attention for it. I felt it was my fault everything bad happened because of me and my body. I believe developing so early cut my childhood off, I got lots of attention from grown men from being 11 years old and it felt good because I didnt get any at home. I had everything materially (both my bio and my 'adopted' dad, my siblings real dad, are well off) but no attention, mum wasnt well enough to give it me and our dad barely had any contact just paid maintenance.

I felt liberated by sex work at first and enjoyed the money, I felt like my body and sex was the only thing I had that was worth anything, but I was rubbish with money and ended up always wasting it on crap, spending £100s on beauty treatments, clothes and hair extensions and partying. I worked in several 'high end' brothels (they are accepted here in GTR Manc) and met lots of lovely women. Most of them were like me, working class, poor, been in care but nevertheless attractive normal women. I was shocked by the amount of them who were in an abusive relationship at home, usually where the partner didnt even know they were prostituting. One of the most 'popular' (she was stunning!) girls at the place would regularly come in covered in bruises and it was well known she got the life beat out of her at home on a regular basis. There were also quite a few immigrants from Poland, Africa, Russia etc. No one was forced to be there, but I did believe circumstances took a lot of them there. Many were like I said poor 'underclass', loads of single mums but there were a few students aswell who seemed mentally sound.

Sometimes women have to do this, so their kids arnt going without and arnt the 'poor kids' at school, so they can live a comfortable lifestyle and often because the money is just fantastic compared to what low skilled women like me can actually earn. I have managed to get out because my dad has supported me more as he and my mother dont want me doing it. I am 23 this year and have been out for a year and for the first time I am not constantly on edge, stressed and angry. I should have quit atleast a year before I did.

Sorry this is quite rushed and Im going to have to leave it for now but will continue later!

It didn't mention how much time the client spent with her. Not all bookings are 1 hour you know, sometimes it is for 30mins or even 15mins.

Yes, the length of booking and how you work dictates what you earn. For example, working indepently at home I'd earn £120 for an hour whetheras you'd get £70 in a brothel/massage parlour. If you did a 20 minute in a brothel you'd get about £25!

Most of the clients I found were married middle class and tbh sometimes it makes me sad their better life circumstances and earning potential means they can buy the right to put their body parts in women who are usually much much younger and poorer than them. I was 18-21 years old and regularly had sex with 50 year old well off married fathers. It was strange I must say, I dont think I have been out long enough to fully regulate my feelings on it all.

It shouldnt be made illegal because that puts sex workers at risk and many have already spent their whole lives like that, at risk and being abused. The safest way to work is in a massage parlour and there are lots of reputable ones the police know about and let operate in the UK.

'If society tolerates the treatment of one woman like this, it tolerates the treatment of all women like this.'

A classic quote that shows the true motive, don't care whatsoever about the women in prostitution, just about themselves and how it may affect them. Its shocking how many feminists put their points across and the motive behind their stance (this one) is blatantly obvious.