Is this sexist?

[EEatingSoupForLunch]

I have been in hospital with pneumonia - recovering slowly. Let people know and have had several offers of help for DH with the DCs, even my DSis offering to travel 4 hrs each way this weekend! It's lovely to have offers but I wondered if it would be the same if he was ill and I was with DCs. He thinks not, apart from our lovely neighbour who would offer either way. Is there an assumption that as a man, he will struggle with caring for his own children unassisted? He's doing fine by the way, toys not put away but house is clean and all laundry, shopping etc. done, from scratch meals etc.

It does seem a bit odd

I can't imagine any of either of our families offering this sort of thing. Babysitting for an hour or so while the other went to the hosp, if children couldn't go etc.

OTOH

Is it to do with work? To cover a gap which is there childcare-wise while you are in hosp? If one of us went into hosp we'd be in trouble for childcare without outside help (on top of what we get already!).

I would assume the offers are there to give him more time to support or visit you. If his is the case then I imagine the offers would be made to you if he was ill and therefore I don't think it is sexist.

Get well soon.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it. His work have been good about flexibility for childcare but people may not know that. My DSis offered to come at the weekend so not work related, but she's one of the more conservative minded. I wondered as he has had some health problems and I have not had similar offers (except lovely neighbour) though no lengthy hospital stays. Ok, I think IABU!

I'd think it would be a reasonable suspicion, if that helps? The undermining of mens ability to do simple child care is pretty wide spread, incl and sometimes esp, by women. But I am sure there are more damning evidences available!
Hope you are well soon.

EE, get well soon!

Thank you, getting there slowly.

Why don't you ask the people concerned what their motives are?

That would feel a bit rude and ungrateful. It's very nice that they've offered, I just suspect that there are more offers because DH is male.

But you aren't being rude or ungrateful, are you? And maybe it might make them think more about their own actions. Otherwise, it will keep happening. And people will come to places like this, and say stuff like, 'Bloody hell, isn't society sexist!'. But outside of the warm, fuzzy FWR MN community, nobody will give such things any real thought.

I am not saying do it right now, but maybe a few months down the line, when you are better, and perhaps chatting with your sister over a cuppa.

Oh I see what you mean. Yes I think I could sort of muse on the amount of lovely offers he has now, compared to when he has been ill, and ponder why that might be.

I think it is sexist - IME when the female partner in a relationship is ill or unavailable everyone offers to cook meals and look after the children where as when the male partner is ill or unavailable support and help is much less forthcoming as 'well, that's just what mums do, isn't it?'.
This isn't just my family - most of the time I've seen this happen it's been friends.