Look Zeffa it is abundantly clear you do not see yourself as a villain, and I am also well aware I am probably wasting my words here. It would take a near Herculean effort on your part to clear your mind of the arguments you have constructed and see this from alternative perspectives, the consequences of such would probably be personally devastating for you.
I am also not in this for the debate (although I do love debates), in this instance this involves dimensions where my life experience is lacking and I am most definitely not an authority. I have read a lot of links from both sides and quite frankly I have no clue what the "right" answer is neither side has me entirely convinced, but my bias will always be to the vulnerable in society, over some sort of perceived right of men to buy sex. Which is why the stance of Amnesty worries me deeply.
When it comes to a woman's right to sell sex, I do not feel I can answer that because I am a man. My lack of lived experience either by being a woman or that I know personally anyone who has worked in the sex industry, barring a woman I met at Chicago airport and we spoke for a few hours who turned out to work as a stripper. The only meaningful conclusions I drew from that encounter is a) she wasn't ashamed of it (and nor should she be), and b) It certainly wasn't something either of us wanted to discuss at great length, and often you natter about your job if it's something that fulfils you, and as such it most likely didn't for her.
What I do feel comfortable in stating with certainty, and is something I know you have blocked out is that this issue intimately effects every woman on here who has replied to you. Thing is this isn't just a debate to be won or lost, although plenty have engaged with high levels of erudition and reasoned argument. This is a simple cause and effect string. We as a society objectify women, you cannot argue with me there. The sheer fact someone posted up thread how they were tossed a pound coin and indecently propositioned at the tender age of 14 should be making you go "what the absolute fuck?", and scratch the 14 part that shouldn't happen to ANYONE period the age just makes it worse. The sex industry is a backdrop to and contributes to this treatment of ALL women wether they are sex workers or not.
You can cordon off in your own mind that you are respectful, and that you want more than just sex, and that you don't treat women badly, but you yourself seem to be tacitly aware that many escorts have abusive backgrounds, and that there are some very bad men who do abuse them. That being said you probably HAVE been that guy, maybe not deliberately or with malice of forethought, but the more often you have done it the greater the chance that without knowing some desperate soul has cried themselves to sleep trying to forget an experience that filled you with such joy.
Now I am sure that thought has occurred to you, but you have performed the mental gymnastics required to bury that thought under arguments that it's not your responsibility, as you couldn't know. You would never have knowingly contributed to another soul's pain, and that if not you it could have been someone much worse. Here's the thing though it could also have been someone better! That woman could have met men who didn't treat her like an object, lived in a world that judged her on the value of her character.
To tell a personal tale that is as close to relevant as I can muster. I was out drinking in my early 20s and we were joined by a young woman who was a friend of a friend, late teens iirc. She was absolutely gorgeous, as it turned out she suffered from domestic abuse from her mother and had been kicked out the house for the night as her mother's boyfriend was staying over. Why this had to be the case I still to this day have no idea. To cut a long story short she ended up back at my place, and made it clear sex was available if I wanted it. Now my response was a polite refusal and made it clear a bed for the night was not contingent on anything else. If I had slept with her I would have felt like a royal shit, why? Because there was a power differential. Money creates at least for me a similar power differential.
Now perhaps you would have done the same thing I would have. Maybe you wouldn't I don't know. I am going to make a whopping assumption here about you. I think you've wrestled with pondering this too. I suspect judging from how much you've read into this, researched it that once long ago you had that slight sinking feeling in the bottom of your heart, that maybe there was something a bit off about the whole business. Maybe you buried that niggle underneath a mammoth amount of rationalisation and justification. Maybe it truly is gone now, nothing but a mere memory in the enlightened paragon of liberalism that types before me now.
I also suspect something else I think you want companionship and real intimacy along with this sex. You mentioned you are disabled, you mentioned you weren't handsome. Maybe you don't feel worthy of it on your own merits. In which case in your own way you have objectified yourself in some way and found yourself lacking in value other than monetarily. I also question precisely why you come to a feminist board to discuss this, you don't seem stupid and must be cognisant of the reaction you would find here. I wonder if that niggle deep in your heart was secretly hoping someone would tear down that house of cards your intellect has constructed. If that proves to be the case read this, don't reply. Pick up the phone contact your close friends and tell them you've had enough of paying for someone, and that you want somebody real, and that you need support.