Should I keep my opinions to myself?

[whatdoesittake48]

it has come to my attention lately that i am being viewed by people who know me as something of a big mouth when it comes to feminist issues. Apparently I am inducing eye rolling and raised eyebrows because i just go on about it too much.

it is certainly true that I can't let an incidence of sexism pass without comment and that this has rubbed off on my daughter who also points out things in books, on TV and so on. The problem is that these things happen so often that it seems like i am just bringing it up all the time.

The other issue is that the people around me do understand and agree with me. They just don't want to hear it all the time. The male members of the group also think that it could be a form of attack against them.

The thing is is that I don't want to be silenced. That feels like part of the problem. if things aren't challenged they will never change. Right now i am just saying nothing even when I am bursting to comment. it is frustrating.

How do i keep a balance? My feminism is me - it always has been. To be told to just shut up about it is a real blow to my sensibilities. it feels really wrong.

Is there a feeling out there that we should all just shut up about it now - there has been so much about misogyny on TV and in the news recently that people just want things to go back to how they were. They are fed up with it...that feels so wrong. it could be a catalyst for change, but most people are just sick of it, it seems.

FWIW I do have a friend who would tell me the difference between different designers of clothes. It is quite dull. But I listen politely and don't roll my eyes at her.

I think any topic is dull if mentioned too much. I ride horses. Bored dh rigid if I discuss it too much. My dds bore an old work friend.

If I'd mentioned when mtg her that I'd seen x article which was trivialising sexism then said the taxi driver called me luv, I then said that my dad would only discuss money with dh not me and that x film was a flaming travesty of reduction of women by giving the lead almost no dialogue and sleeping with a bloke 3 x her age and the waiter then called me a sexy bird would you not be a little eye rolly?

In that, some are possibly more use to mention this time than all. That's all. Not sure I see why this or previous irritates... Certainly wasn't intention from me.

Well, I don't go on and on and really only bring up those points which i seriously believe need to be made.To be honest, and sadly, these points need to be made fairly often.

usually it is because I am at a point where I just can't believe it or I am so angry or disgusted that i can't believe someone else hasn't already brought it up. Perhaps my tolerance levels are set lower (or is it higher) than others.

Buffy - your point about serious sexism is true - but i have a different idea. Maybe people actually want to avoid talking about those serious issues because it scares them. they don't know what they are supposed to feel or what is the right thing to say? Maybe that is why I get short shrift.

I also feel like ignoring my feelings on things is kind of disrespectful to what I wholeheartedly believe in. That makes me sad.

Like you Buffy, I can't understand why everyone isn't up in arms, men and women alike. Plus I think it is a great conversation for debate, because change could really be effected by conversation and throwing ideas around.

But to everyone who says "pick your battles" - I agree and this is what I am trying to do. Bite my tongue. it is currently almost bitten through!

So, back to the original point. Are you going to let the eye rolling, sighing and general lack of interest deter you?
Or will you don flame-proof knickers and keep going?

Buffy, I would probably make just one comment - most likely the cinema one. examples would be how i told my daughter how Katniss was a great role model because she is a young woman who is a leader, doesn't care about looks and puts other things before love, but is loyal and caring.

On the flip side of that i may try to discuss why women aren't portrayed in positive ways more often. it is this point at which the conversation dries up...

I laugh at ads which portray women as homemakers and comment about how I can't be a woman then...that my husband must be odd because he puts the dinner on...obviously in a very light hearted way. This is a very occasional sarky comment I guess.

I get the feeling that when i say these things people actually haven't even thought about it. I honestly can't understand why they didn't bring it up first.

But please - I do try to moderate myself, more so now that I have been told it is annoying. Problem is that i now feel like i can't say anything.

My husband tells me he can see my blood boiling! he thinks it is funny.

Silver - I'm cutting back - but on the look out for some other outlet...like minded individuals, please apply!

Is that at home or socially or in the workplace?
Socially and workplace I feel it behoves me to speak out. It's not so much my right as my duty to challenge prejudice and inequality. At home? Not so much. If your family think the same as you, then it's just boring and self congratulatory. glares at dsmil and her constant and quite frankly hypocritical greeniness, all recycling and long distance flights

whatdoesittake You examples sound like the sort of things I would say too. I'll continue if you continue. Honestly, sexism is so pervasive and so ingrained and so ignored that if you don't challenge it, who will? So it's annoying sometimes. But not as bloody annoying as being on the receiving end of sexism. I'll stop going on about sexism when they stop being sexist.

Let's be unpopular together!

I guess the thing is whilst it's interesting. And it definitely is and the subject genuinely intrigues me. Maybe most people don't see what discussing it together say in the pub achieves. That only VIPs can discuss because they change things or that it needs a wristband or a following (like bullying) to get something altered. Obvs if it ain't discussed it ain't changing on any level. And so the circle turns again....

Interesting thread. Thanks op. Now I'm putting babbs to bed. I am a boring baby bore eh...

I would love to be able to have these conversations with my family, sadly, they are all very much on the 'Did you see what did/said/shagged?' 'D'M also reads the bloody Daily Hate, so therefore thinks that everyone on benefits is a lying scumbag and that feminists are all dungaree wearing lesbians. DH is valiantly coming to terms with the fact that he's married to a feminist who will call him and others out on their more insane sexism. DS2 thinks it's lovely that his mum is a feminist, enjoys talking about it, thinks it all makes perfect sense and is a lot more thoughtful about things he says etc. I have no one in real life with whom to discuss these things, without being accused of being some kind of Viz stereotype!

So I come to FWR, and read and talk to like minded women and learn from people who know far more than I about something which has become so central to my life.

I do like wearing dungarees btw, they are jolly comfy!

My DS's thought processes are interesting in discussions of feminist issues, because he is very logical, and sexism is largely illogical.
DD is going through a militant/monologue phase that several of her friends find difficult.

And no, I don't try to hold DD back, I let her run free with the wind in her ears and righteousness in her heart.
And lend her books to back her arguments up.

I agree with helpyourself. Don't waste time/ piss people off by preaching to the converted. I was brought up a feminist, and I am a feminist. So there's no need to give me the hair dryer treatment on the subject of gender equality. And if yiu do, you risk alienating me entirely.

I think yiu need to treat everybody as intelligent individuals who have their own valid views and opinions. If yiu approach it as 'oh dear, you don't understand this at all, so here I am to tell you the facts about this' then it is natural that people feel pissed off. Why is your view more valid than theirs?

And yes, any subject becomes mundane through repetition. I learned very young which subjects/ tv shows etc to avoid entirely so that I didn't have to be lectured.

It isn't really about preaching or trying to convert. it is more about genuinely wanting to discuss and see other points of view. or even put the world to rights with people who also care.

Problem is that they don't seem to care as much as I do.

Had an interesting conversation with my son last night though. he was commenting on this plastic surgery app. it had come up on the news and and he said "why are they banning it? let people look at what they want". he also said that parents should monitor what their kids look at. I asked him if I knew what is on his phone...?

I agreed that yes, grown-ups should be able to make their own choices - but was it right that young girls of the age of 9 should be considering whether they could be "prettier" by using liposuction or plastic surgery? I pointed out that body image is a problem for girls and women and that something like that doesn't help.

it was a short conversation and he agreed with me (he is 14) and said he didn't realise it was aimed at children. I found myself being very careful. Sticking to the facts and not making too much of a point. I certainly kept it more to the point than I might have done in the past. it might have the an opportunity for a rant, but it didn't go there.

These are the types of things which come up often in our house and I just can't not comment on something like that and leave my son thinking that the people who complained were just making a fuss.

BTW my son (even at his tender age) has been with his girlfriend for 18 months and is considered amongst girls in his year as being one of the nicest boys they know. I am very proud of him! Doesn't it show....:)

I do think the reaction you get from others is normal. I think if you started a thread on here, every time you saw something you wanted to get off your chest. Maybe 5/10/20 threads a day, I'm sure after a while there would people on here 'eye rolling', "not whatdoesittake48 again!". They may feel like you are hogging the forum. Some may switch off from your threads and miss something interesting, even on FWR. Plus, some of your threads will receive 100s of posts and some just a couple. Each topic you point out won't be met with the same interest, even though you might think they are equally important.

I know it was ages ago but I just want to clarify that I think commenting on sexist adverts is absolutely fine. I was just find it a bit bizarre that some one would argue that commenting on adverts was invalid because you wouldn't have adverts on when their family/friends were round. And why would they care so much as to what someone else analyzed in their own home.