Should I keep my opinions to myself?

[whatdoesittake48]

it has come to my attention lately that i am being viewed by people who know me as something of a big mouth when it comes to feminist issues. Apparently I am inducing eye rolling and raised eyebrows because i just go on about it too much.

it is certainly true that I can't let an incidence of sexism pass without comment and that this has rubbed off on my daughter who also points out things in books, on TV and so on. The problem is that these things happen so often that it seems like i am just bringing it up all the time.

The other issue is that the people around me do understand and agree with me. They just don't want to hear it all the time. The male members of the group also think that it could be a form of attack against them.

The thing is is that I don't want to be silenced. That feels like part of the problem. if things aren't challenged they will never change. Right now i am just saying nothing even when I am bursting to comment. it is frustrating.

How do i keep a balance? My feminism is me - it always has been. To be told to just shut up about it is a real blow to my sensibilities. it feels really wrong.

Is there a feeling out there that we should all just shut up about it now - there has been so much about misogyny on TV and in the news recently that people just want things to go back to how they were. They are fed up with it...that feels so wrong. it could be a catalyst for change, but most people are just sick of it, it seems.

'The other issue is that the people around me do understand and agree with me. They just don't want to hear it all the time'

Because even her friends who agree with her feel bored, irritated and possibly under attack?

Love 'femtriotic duty'. I've fully abandoned any feelings I had in that direction these days. I found it exhausting, unsustainable and counter-productive to start quoting Andrea Dworkin at the drop of a casually-sexist comment but I did it all the time for about five years in my late teens-early twenties. Didn't work for me at all, just caused upset and bad feeling all round.

Maybe she is Buffy, I'm not advocating silence or avoiding talking about issues. Just that if it's become wallpaper, or white noise, it's ineffective.

I suppose it's easier to talk about issues with people that already agree with you, get your references and are interested in the subject.
But is that all there is to it? Where does the possibility of changing opinions and practices come in, if you are only talking to people who are already in agreement with you?

I do enjoy your posts!
It's often easier to retain the status quo, its own inertia holds it in place.
Change requires effort and leverage. It's one of the reasons that some comedians, satirists and cartoonists can do amazing things and are seen as a threat by those who don't want questions asked, or the audience to think.

People who roll their eyes or demand entertainment in exchange for listening probably don't really understand or care.

If somebody is adding no new information and repeating themselves all the time to the point where you are no longer interested in hearing what they have to say does not mean you don't understand or care about the topic at hand.

The male members of the group also think that it could be a form of attack against them.

Have they said this? If so, what specifically makes them think it is personal?

I have friends who are passionate feminists, and they can bore me at times with the constant, relentless focus. I also have vegetarian friends who do the same. Not to mention the eco-activists.
On the other hand, I'm sure I do the same on occasion.
I hope the OP returns and participates.

It's when people start avoiding your company, running across dual carriageways away from you, or putting their headphones on that you know it's an issue.

Apologies for not coming back sooner...busy and all that!

In answer so some of the questions:

it is probably the case that I simply need to discuss these issues with people who actually have the same level of enthusiasm for the topic as I do. but those people are hard to come by (hence why I am here!) and I also want to share the things I am passionate about with those around me. Not feel like I am censoring myself. I shouldn't have to do that.

I know I gave the impression that it was a circle of friends I was talking about. But in reality, this is family members making these observations. That changes the dynamic, I guess, because I should be able to be myself around them more so than anyone. I didn't want to upset my family by complaining because I do love them, of course.

My comments are generally made in a light hearted "I can't believe that ad..." type of way. Pointing out how ridiculous something is or sometimes asking a relevant question such as "I wonder how it would be if the roles were reversed"

I don't even feel like I do this a lot - but that is subjective.

I think it is kind of like politics, in that people don't want to be rude, but they also don't want to really reveal what their opinions are.

I am a believer that keeping quiet is how abuse of all kinds is allowed to continue. making a fuss means something is done.

I also agree that keeping quiet about something implies acceptance (this is the rule with regards to racism or homophobia, isn't it?). if I ignore a woman being objectified - could it be construed that I don't care or I agree? Just because people around me know my views, should I keep quiet now and think "job done.."

I am naturally opinionated about politics , religion and general newsy stuff - but the only people I have to talk about these things with aren't actually very interested. That is pretty depressing. I feel frustrated that I can't express myself.When I find a topic I want to discuss with someone - I now just leave it - possibly missing out on a lively discussion.

maybe I should save it for these boards!

I would probably just run across the dual carriage way and catch them up, shouting at the top of my lungs about the latest article on misogyny in the Guardian...waving my hands :)

Anything to get it out of my brain and into the open.

What about my loss of enjoyment of TV etc because i am analysing everything. Anyone else suffer from this affliction?

From what you are saying, I cannot see why males would feel attacked. Maybe you are worried about something that isn't there.

I'm wondering if hearing about sexist incidents/practices repeatedly is making other people who completely agree with you that this is terrible, feel.rather hopeless and that if they think they can't do anything about it, they'd prefer to put it out of their minds?

So maybe if you rant briefly about yet-another-male-led-ensemble-show, but then switch to recommending alternative shows that your audience might be interested in, it might go down better?

Buffy - thank you for helping me feel less dull! I suspect i probably am though. but hey, I am what I am :)

arteas - the specific comment has been made that I make it sound like i think all men are like that and that this implies i believe my family to be that way too.

Of course, I know my family are not like that at all - although sometimes, there will be offhand comments which do them no favours.

I do not hate all men - but it seems I sound like I do.

Well. Speaking as the offspring of an extremely vocal radical feminist, I'm going to say pipe down. Pick your battles.

I spent my formative years being hectored and lectured about gender issues and it put me right off engaging with the whole subject. Fwiw I'm a fairly vocal feminist myself but I choose my moments.

I'm not suggesting you are like my mother, who must not be disagreed with and IS RIGHT all the time, but even at a low level it becomes repetitive and annoying. In my view, anyway.

There are so many conversations you just don't start with my mum, because you won't get halfway through the first sentence without her cutting you off and INFORMING YOU about female genital mutilation or rape statistics or why the patriarchy means that men HATE WOMEN.

Sometimes you just want a nice wee chat. And most adults like to exchange views rather than being told what they must think.