Should I keep my opinions to myself?

[whatdoesittake48]

it has come to my attention lately that i am being viewed by people who know me as something of a big mouth when it comes to feminist issues. Apparently I am inducing eye rolling and raised eyebrows because i just go on about it too much.

it is certainly true that I can't let an incidence of sexism pass without comment and that this has rubbed off on my daughter who also points out things in books, on TV and so on. The problem is that these things happen so often that it seems like i am just bringing it up all the time.

The other issue is that the people around me do understand and agree with me. They just don't want to hear it all the time. The male members of the group also think that it could be a form of attack against them.

The thing is is that I don't want to be silenced. That feels like part of the problem. if things aren't challenged they will never change. Right now i am just saying nothing even when I am bursting to comment. it is frustrating.

How do i keep a balance? My feminism is me - it always has been. To be told to just shut up about it is a real blow to my sensibilities. it feels really wrong.

Is there a feeling out there that we should all just shut up about it now - there has been so much about misogyny on TV and in the news recently that people just want things to go back to how they were. They are fed up with it...that feels so wrong. it could be a catalyst for change, but most people are just sick of it, it seems.

I don't have the answer but I'm looking forward to reading people's views as I'm exactly the same, I'm always pointing things out - at work, on TV, in the pub...

Doesn't help that one colleague in particular uses the term 'feminist' as the highest possible insult...

The problem I have (and i do see it as a problem) is that I worry I can no longer enjoy the things i used to. TV, movies, music because i see the sexism in everything...It is exhausting.

My argument is that it shouldn't be there. Others think I should just stop being so picky.

I think you can turn that into a positive though and actively seek out books/films/singers that are positive role models and have fun while you're about it.

Others think I should just stop being so picky

... or stop being so touchy, love?

I think any repetition, if constant, is boring. People will switch off and avoid, even if they agree. It's a tough one because you don't want to be silenced but it may become tiresome. Maybe, you need to be more selective on what you verbalise.

Frustrating isn't it ?

I was in court today and senior Counsel were talking in front of me. Man QC asks woman QC if she's going to some presentation tonight and she replies that she can't really be doing with all that feminist nonsense. It was simply a woman's perspective on the legal profession in Scotland - nothing controversial. Both turned to me and asked if I was going and when I replied yes, was immediately asked by her if I was a feminist. My response of 'of course, why wouldn't I be ?' was met with an astounded look as if I had just confessed to being a member of the Nazi party.

Cue a discussion about why a woman's perspective isn't needed and her disbelief that I viewed every other presentation as a man's perspective, it just wasn't billed as that because that is the default position.

I've had to learn to use humour to get my point across otherwise I am immediately dismissed as some rabid feminist. Some express surprise but more and more, in a professional capacity, I am surrounded by like minded women. I think the older you get the more you encounter the daily sexism and possibly have the confidence to recognise it for what it is and call it out. Of course, I'm no longer competing for male attention whereas when I was younger, the views of male colleagues counted very much in terms of how they saw me and I monitored what I said. Often I simply didn't recognise or accept the sexism in front of me.

Having said that, it does feel constant some days but given that I also don't tolerate any other form of discrimination, why should I let sexist crap just go by ?

Incidentally, man QC was very lovely and interested in my views and admitted that since his daughter had started her advocacy training, he had had his eyes open to just how much of a man's world it still was and was regularly called out by her on his unwitting sexist practices and comments.

For me, I went through stages and finally reached the point where I decided that women's liberation was important enough for me not to care what people thought of my feminist views. I don't impose my views, I just call out everyday sexism and refuse to tolerate it in my home or workplace. Other places I might make a judgement call but I do think it worth the fight most of the time.

Being a feminist makes you rilly rilly popular especially with guys! They love that hot feisty shit

You are mistaking this as to do with feminism. Lots of people have their own pet causes and niggling injustices, however anyone who bangs on about them 24\7 quickly becomes tedious and annoying and gets tuned out by others. Learn to pick your battles.

The other issue is that the people around me do understand and agree with me

I would say you're talking to the wrong people. If you want things to change you need to be directing your opinions at the uneducated and those in a position to change what is portrayed in the media, not those who already agree with you. As a pp said, repetition does get boring, even if one does agree wholeheartedly.

Would they expect you to stop commenting on racism or homophobia, I wonder?

Why do your male friends feel attacked? Did they feel attacked when it was pointed out that, say, the famous comments about Mexicans on Top Gear were racist? (Assuming, which may be incorrect, that they are in the same ethnic group as those presenters)

Would they expect you to stop commenting on racism or homophobia, I wonder?

I don't think anyone expects the OP to stop commenting. It's her choice, but constant commenting can become tedious. Be it about racism, your work, your children, your politics, your religion etc. even if I had been mates with Nelson Mandela and he had constantly banged on about human rights, He would become a bore. I'd agree with him and be interested to start with but if it was constant, I'd soon be zoning out and avoiding.

Lol Buffy. I think it's the constant discussion that's the problem, not the subject of the discussion. The OP has noticed that she is constant, so her friends will have definitely have noticed, maybe in a negative way.

You don't need to be a geek to be interested. I think debate and discussion is important. I think this thread is more to do with the OP method of interaction rather than feminism.

I come from a ranty family, my father and daughter in particular.
I like to effect change for the good in Feminist issues, children's rights. the environment...etc
Ranting at people often either bores them and they switch off, or enrages them and you have a huge argument that polarises opinions and leads nowhere.
So I see myself more as a rapier than a broadsword, and I've found it a much more effective method. Discussion and dissection rather than a polemic onslaught.

I think the danger is that , if you've overloaded them, they'll just turn off whenever you speak on the subject & miss the important bits.

The other point is - is it an appropriate subject for the person concerned? If you're continually complaining about the sexism shown on TV when they don't watch the show, or a range of childrens clothes and they don't have kids then they're not going to appreciate the issue.

It can be tiring listening to someone continually talking about things that have no relevance, or that can't be related to..

Don't stop doing it, maybe pick & choose your subjects rather than broadcasting all your frustration!

Do you think you worry about coming across as a bit evangelical sort of?
But don't want to silenced either, I can understand the dilemma , with any kind of strong view you want to be accepted and listened to, but at the same time not be a bore.

Erm, maybe ask you daughter how she views the issue, children are very honest.

"It can be tiring listening to someone continually talking about things that have no relevance, or that can't be related to." So feminism has no relevance and can't be related to?

Interesting...

Scallops

It may not to the person that is being bombarded with it.

If you would care to refer to the rest of the post & not just the part you cherry picked out - I gave the example of children's clothes.

If someone starts complaining about the fact that girls clothes are pink, have unicorns on etc. to a 20 year old colleague that has no kids, doesn't want kids & isn't interested in kids then it's very likely that it can't be related to & isn't relevant to them.....

It's very much a case of "know your audience" - and if people are rolling their eyes and raising their eyebrows at the OP it would appear that they can't relate to the issues & probably don't feel they're relevant...

yep people banging on about the same thing is boring and is an absolute turn off - doesnt matter what the subject is.

i also think its wrong to keep forcing your opinion on others - they know what your opinion is, you have already told them - they dont want to hear it again and again and again... you know what they say about opinions dont you? they are like arseholes - everyone has one but its always the other persons that stinks!

You are unlikely to raise awareness, change an opinion or even get someone to remember what you are talking about if all they hear is inflexible monologue and rant.
So the question is, why are you doing it? What is the purpose of your observations?

So, rapier, not broadsword then, Buffy?
Listening as well as informing? Awareness of an audience?
Sounds like a better plan for educating to me.