Should I keep my opinions to myself?

[whatdoesittake48]

it has come to my attention lately that i am being viewed by people who know me as something of a big mouth when it comes to feminist issues. Apparently I am inducing eye rolling and raised eyebrows because i just go on about it too much.

it is certainly true that I can't let an incidence of sexism pass without comment and that this has rubbed off on my daughter who also points out things in books, on TV and so on. The problem is that these things happen so often that it seems like i am just bringing it up all the time.

The other issue is that the people around me do understand and agree with me. They just don't want to hear it all the time. The male members of the group also think that it could be a form of attack against them.

The thing is is that I don't want to be silenced. That feels like part of the problem. if things aren't challenged they will never change. Right now i am just saying nothing even when I am bursting to comment. it is frustrating.

How do i keep a balance? My feminism is me - it always has been. To be told to just shut up about it is a real blow to my sensibilities. it feels really wrong.

Is there a feeling out there that we should all just shut up about it now - there has been so much about misogyny on TV and in the news recently that people just want things to go back to how they were. They are fed up with it...that feels so wrong. it could be a catalyst for change, but most people are just sick of it, it seems.

Yes yes to picking your battles and choosing your moments.

I was just wondering how much my conversation style is influenced by being the parent of now adult children, their ability to switch off when bored so that their eyes are open but their brain is off, living with Aspies who monologue and had to be directly taught how to have a reciprocal conversation and having a ranty socialist father.

why would you comment on ads on TV, even in a lighthearted way? - i generally find people dont pay attention to that kind of stuff, well not the people that i speak to or socialise with - people have more important things in their life to think about than what an ad is about or politics or news stuff...yes sometimes its fine to speak about it but in general when we are socialising or with family no we dont talk about any of that stuff because there is always something more interesting to speak about.

"people have more important things in their life to think about than what an ad is about or politics or news stuff"

Er, really? Ads maybe but if it came to a competition between "The government has voted to euthanise everyone at 60" (politics & news stuff) or "Geoff's thinking about repainting his garage door" I know what would win. The news isn't totally detached from real life FGS.

In answer to the OP, please don't shut up. You think it's not going in but it will be somewhere, and instilling the habit of observing things like gender imbalance or stereotyping is a great thing to do for your family.

I would also suggest you join a local feminist group, or start one. Going to the pub and being able to talk this stuff out without having to first explain why boob jobs aren't fabulosa or whatever is brilliant.

Ads are fascinating examples of what is currently socially acceptable, and what strings are pulled to sell things to a target audience. We love dissecting and analysing them.
It's also less annoying than picking a programme to bits whilst someone else is watching it.

Peggy why not talk about ads? Whether we like it they're ubiquitous and put across a certain POV in order to sell products. The recent ad featuring Robin Thicke (of rapey pop song fame) showed semi-naked women in order to sell speakers. That's surely worthy of comment?

I do agree with picking your battles. I agree OP that it's sometimes a bit demoralising to be faced with this shit - it's everywhere.

OP said I do not hate all men - but it seems I sound like I do.

Do only the men think it sounds like this, or would the women agree with them?

ok - when WE are with family or friends we dont talk about ads on the TV - in fact TV isnt even on when we have people round so we couldnt comment on them. i think if you are watching ads with friends or family and speaking about them the words 'get a life' come to mind.

So you don't watch TV with your children or partner then? I'm finding this focus on whether or not to comment on ads a bit bizarre tbh. Why do you care?

elephantsandmiasmas we dont speak about painting garage doors either... seriously we really dont speak about the news or politics when socialising as there is always something going on or catch up with everyone which is more interesting than the news or politics. Sorry i dont really read any newspaper/read online news papers - i do read www.aljazeera.com when i remember to and i watch some local news at night but dont really pay attention because its usually feeding time. We have a wide group of friends in the social spectrum with wide ranging jobs from students to CEOs(national companies) to Surgeons and not one of them speak about news or politics.

scallops i dont care - its the OP that cares as shes the one who comments on them yet wonders why people raise their eyebrows at her or roll their eyes at her - maybe they are like me and couldnt give a flying fuck and think shes a bit of a nutter hence the reason they roll their eyes and raise their eyebrows

Hmmm...I wonder what else there is to talk about which isn't related in some way to what is going on in the world. At the very least a good percentage of all conversation relates to a news story or the state of the government or something. that stuff comes up all the time. I think that is quite normal.

As already said, I watch TV with my family, even extended family, all the time. We also talk lots, during the TV programs and at dinners and with the TV off.

But lets face it - sometimes you are struggling to say something and you resort to "did you see that program last night?" I am pretty sure that is normal too.

maybe they are like me and couldnt give a flying fuck and think shes a bit of a nutter

Yeah, probably

whatdoesittake i agree most of what you say can be very normal - obviously me and my friends are not normal as we dont speak about it - we speak about what we do, what they do, about our community, our hobbies, our familys and a million other things on top of that, we play games (card/board/computer (wii)). im going to bow out now... this is getting away from why you started a thread.

Well, I care and I'm grateful to the women who did take the time to explain to me why it matters and the 101 ways in which it holds women back.

And I care enough about my female friends and family, my female colleagues and the women coming after us all, to want to make their lives better. On a wider basis, I also care about women facing poverty, mutilation, abuse, assault, rape, murder, racial discrimination, age discrimination the world over and think that they have a right to live their lives free of all of the above. Small steps or large ones, they all add up.

I'm truly sorry peggy that you don't care but we need people like the OP otherwise the cycle continues to repeat.

I haven't read the entire thread, but I have been recently thinking about the same issue as OP. I find that I don't go all out to bring up a "controversial" topic, but if any comes up I feel that I've got to give my opinion, because I feel that very often silence is collusion. I have found that people are beginning to roll their terrible eyes. Sometimes they even bait me. (Nothing out of the ordinary - "Don't say such and such because Copper is going to foam in the mouth" kind of thing - well, don't fucking say it then, so-called grown-up friend. )

But what is the option? Keep quiet about it? How many percentage of racist/disablist comments do you allow to pass before you comment? How many percentage of sexist comments? ZERO, is what I say.

I agree. This whole site has made me notice things I didn't before or at least took as normal eg finances. Re sexism etc it's one thing noticing but are you touchy about it every time? Do you raise it crossly or irritated or sarky every time?

People just don't like things shoved down their throats be that lip gloss or sexism. It just puts you off doesn't it? Would you want to meet with a friend who incessantly discussed shoes? Pointed out every nice pair or bad pair, who made them? Which designer did it best? The real shockers? Differences in design between Barbour and hunter? No. You wouldn't. It would drive you bats and you would avoid the person.

Can you not pick your battles a bit?

Blimey I'm relieved I'm not in Peggy's social circle I'd die of boredom. Seems the very opposite end of this thread. If you don't discuss in RL just curious but why are you here? I mean what made you post on this one?

For instance too as you have me thinking how that would work, how do you watch tv without reaching into real issues? Even eastenders features DV or drugs or stuff.....?

It's the impression she gave. That's all. "it is certainly true that I can't let an incidence of sexism pass without comment " in original op.

It was a harmless way to illustrate. You got the point I think. Got a better one then please?

You think eco-activism, vegetarianism and children's rights are examples of trivial things?
I have been passionate about the environment as long as I've been a feminist, possibly longer. I could bore for Europe on it; from sustainable energy sources to pollution to ethical farming practices to historical losses and their impact and the disappearance of the honey bee.
But I try not to, whilst staying true to my ethics.

Interesting. So what type of sexism should OP let pass and what type should she comment on? Which are the battles worth fighting?

I think some of us assume that OP only ever pick topics of conversations so that she could drone on about sexism. Some of us assume that OP comments on sexism if and when the subject arises (which it does. A LOT.) Which is it, OP?