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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

Miss/Mrs/Ms...

76 replies

eatriskier · 13/11/2013 14:29

Ok, an oldie in the world of feminism.

I am a Ms. I have been a Ms since I was about 15. Back then it was a strange thing to do, but its 2013 now so isn't that odd I thought.

Apparently not. One of the post office workers tried to turn down my passport check today because I was married and therefore need to be Mrs. Yes need, as in I have to be. I explained I have never been a Miss or a Mrs, and don't intend to start now. She went and checked with a supervisor.

I should have known it wasn't going to go well when she refused to believe that an adult may not have a current valid passport...

OP posts:

samandi · 13/11/2013 14:47

Of course an adult can be without a valid passport.

As for the Ms/Mrs thing ... well ... what did the supervisor say btw?

I fully intend on remaining a Ms if I ever marry.

sooperdooper · 13/11/2013 14:50

How odd, I imagine plenty of aduilts don't have a current valid passport

I've always been Ms too, I got married last year buut havne't changed my passport yet (not going to until it runs out) - what did the supervisor say??

ChutesTooNarrow · 13/11/2013 14:50

My mum honestly thinks I'm not allowed to be a married Ms

ChutesTooNarrow · 13/11/2013 14:54

even.

I didn't think passports even show mrs/ ms? As I had an argument with HSBC for ages where they refused to change my account from Miss to Ms unless I brought my passport in to show the Ms. I did so just to point out the lack of title in it. Have they changed?

samandi · 13/11/2013 14:58

No, passports don't have titles in them.

Original poster

eatriskier · 13/11/2013 15:09

The supervisor looked a little at her and told her it was fine.

I have to say it didn't dawn on me at all that the title doesn't go on the passport. But its on the form and I'd ticked it - wrongly of course

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/11/2013 16:15

I have been a Ms. for ever. My favorite was when I wrote to someone to ask for something business related and got it back addressed to Mr. M S Pratchett. Suffice to say I haven't used their services since.

ShirakawaKaede · 13/11/2013 16:18

Surely the whole point of Ms. is that it doesn't reveal your marital status - therefore it can be used whether you're married or not, or else it would defeat the object!

Thurlow · 13/11/2013 16:21

I did some online ordering the other day, I can't remember now who it was for but it was a big company, and they didn't offer a 'Ms' option which really surprised me. It's just a standard nowadays.

Reiltin · 13/11/2013 16:23

I like to call myself by Mrs but it's because I'm married to a woman so it's both lovely an d a political statement! I always call others Ms unless they say otherwise.

ElizabethBathory · 13/11/2013 16:53

Eh? Titles don't even go on your passport. I'm a Ms/Miss (didn't change anything official from Miss to Ms) because I didn't take my DH's name - I'm not going to call myself Mrs Maiden Name am I, that would just be odd. My doctor made a big show of putting a note on my system that I'm married even though I haven't changed my name - as if that affects my medical history

ElizabethBathory · 13/11/2013 17:08

Btw, I had to tell the doctor I was married because his first question when I said I'd been getting a lot of UTIs was 'do you have a new boyfriend?' And after adding the 'she's married' note to his computer says, 'so when are you going to have children? Don't leave it too late!'

scallopsrmissingAnyFucker · 13/11/2013 18:20

I just filled in a CRB form online and put Ms. I then had to fill in a field asking about previous names and when that previous name was valid until. They were non optional. I'd heard that on here but confess that I thought it must have just been an anomaly. But no, it isn't

Bue · 13/11/2013 18:34

I want to get down to the bank and change everything in my name from Miss to Ms, but I never do it because of stuff like this. I couldn't take the arguing. According to this forum some women have been asked for 'proof' of the title before!

Grennie · 13/11/2013 18:39

I am not married and have always used Ms.

sandfrog · 13/11/2013 18:41

It's normal to include Ms as an option these days, so at least some of the time, if it's not on the list I think someone's deliberately leaving it out to make a point.

If I'm buying something online and they only put Mr/Mrs/Miss as options, I cancel the transaction and buy it somewhere else.

Pachacuti · 13/11/2013 18:42

I am Dr Pachacuti to one business with whom I'm registered (I'm not actually a Ph.D. or a medical doctor), because they suddenly introduced a mandatory title field (so I couldn't update my email address without filling in the previously-blank title field) and don't have "Ms" as an option. I thought so long as I had to pick a title that wasn't mine I might as well live a little . So far they've ignored two separate enquiries from me about why they don't have a "Ms" option; this thread reminds me that it's probably time for Complaint #3...

ChutesTooNarrow · 13/11/2013 18:46

Bue I did go down to the bank a second time, with my non-titled passport for 'proof', prepared for a fight. But the person on the counter was just boggled that my previous request was refused and just changed it. It took her a second.

MissMiniTheMinx · 13/11/2013 18:48

I just wish we could do away with all titles...the lot, from Ms to HRH, the bloody lot, its all divisive nonsense about people knowing their place and them knowing yours.

NiceTabard · 13/11/2013 18:55

I honestly don't understand why some systems are set up so that if you say Ms it must mean your surname has changed. It's just really really random and bizarre. For the occasional person on the street who hasn't given it much thought to make assumptions is one thing, but for large government institutions to not know that is just baffling. To the point where you wonder if they've done it on purpose

Especially when the stereotype for people who use "Ms" is hairy - legged feminist so obviously they will never have been married

stickygotstuck · 13/11/2013 18:59

This annoys me no end too. Have had the bank Miss to Ms cannot do convo as well.

Personally, I think forms should not havr titles at all. A box to be ticked for Female or Male will do. If anything, Miss and Mrs should just be done away with.

SatinSandals · 13/11/2013 19:10

I can't stand Ms and have no intention of ever using it.

Pachacuti · 13/11/2013 19:13

But you do grasp the fact that other people use it, SatinSandals? I have no intention of ever using Mrs and haven't used Miss since I turned 18, but I'd know to offer them as options for a title if I were asking for a title.

sandfrog · 13/11/2013 19:14

Don't use it then Satin. How would you like it if your preferred title wasn't on the list?

NiceTabard · 13/11/2013 19:15

Pachacuti I think it is very unfair of you to make life difficult for other people by not indicating whether you are likely to be sexually available or not when you meet them.

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