Head in my hands moment

[Boosterseat]

Seriously needed to vent, I was recently on holiday with a family member and her two friends all of them quite normal, intelligent well adjusted individuals until one of them mentioned a colleague who had been wrongly accused of rape.

After hearing the story I pointed out that while the woman who made the claim was a disgusting individual and i was pleased her colleagues name had been cleared,it shouldn't be taken out of context and the number of false allegations in comparison to the number of actual rape and sexual assaults was undeniably a more serious issue and that I felt uncomfortable backing the "poor menz" view and was more concerned about the number of unreported rapes as well as the dire conviction rate.

I was told by all 3 women I was being unrealistic and did not have a grip on "real life"

is this a common view? Or is my DH correct and they are indeed just disgustingly mis-informed?

I think both are big issues.

The amount of people who do make false accusations will make it much harder to get convictions for the real victims which is a massive problem and I am sure makes it less likely that victims will come forward for fear of it not being believed.

That of course shouldn't take away from the severity of rape itself but it will make things harder.

"...it shouldn't be taken out of context and the number of false allegations in comparison to the number of actual rape and sexual assaults was undeniably a more serious issue and that I felt uncomfortable backing the "poor menz" view and was more concerned about the number of unreported rapes as well as the dire conviction rate."

I'm not sure why you had to shoehorn all of the above into the conversation. You must be a hoot at parties.

Because it was relevant?

Your friends seem to have a strange view on 'real life'.

Is that the 'real life' where many rape victims don't report it for fear of disbelief?

What?

That was my reaction too, yes the are 20 years older than me but certainly not OAP head in the sands types.

They tried to argue about a mans life being destroyed by false accusation which I completely agreed with but I could not seem to get them to understand how devastating a rape or sexual assault can be both psychically and mentally for the victim.

My mind is still boggling.

How do you know she hadn't been raped?

I wonder if a different reply would have gone over better. Like "Of course he had a terrible experience, but as we know, the real thing is so horrifically common. And the [select level of obscenity to suit audience] get away with it so much of the time."

I could quite confidently take a stab at what newspaper they both read.

That was my reaction too, yes the are 20 years older than me but certainly not OAP head in the sands types.

Booster: just to gently point out that I am an OAP but am certainly no 'head in the sands' type. You are generalising about OAPs just in the way that your family and friends are generalising about rape accusations.

Generalisations and inaccuracy are bad wherever they come from.

sorry I certainly didn't mean to cause offence, I'm fresh for a fracas with my Nan who kept repeating that young girls in hot pants were an invitation for rape (her actual words)

I certainly do not believe that OAPs bury their heads in the sand, obviously it's a family trait unfortunately

Bunny I dare say you could, the one currently cheering the victory of the impending"porn ban" which pedals pictures of young 17 year olds in bikinis on its sidebar of shame?

If that is the paper you are referring to then yes, they poured over it at breakfast.

scollops sorry I missed your post, if you are referring to the person who made the false accusation, she admitted it was a plot to extort money.

This is information from the colleague of the accused so I am aware I am only getting one side of the story, it was how the topic came up.

Well as everyone seems to believing the man, exactly how is his life ruined then?

The association perhaps? I have a feeling that in the circles he runs image is everything.

Hence why my head was in my hands, by bringing up the trauma of rape in the conversation instead of joining in the chastising of the woman involved I obviously lowered the tone of conversation, some people simply do not like to think about these things - it's so much easier to pretend it doesn't really happen.

Rape is an absolutely terrible crime, of course.
That is why it is also terrible to falsely accuse someone of rape.

In what way were they saying you didn't have a grip on real life?

False accusations of any crime, if proven in court, attract sentences of between six months and two years..

Allan My version of real life was probably too hard to swallow, that's my analysis anyway.

All 3 of them pulled cats bum faces when I said my piece, asked to politely calm down as it wasn't appropriate conversation for the resturant we in.