Small things that make you angry and you feel you can't mention elsewhere

[MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik]

I was thinking that maybe we need one of those threads that reminds us we all have much more in common with each other, than any of us does with the misogynistic bigots.

I don't know what the feministy equivalent of 'first world problem' is, but I bet there are loads of things you've been itching to point out annoy you, but don't start an AIBU about, or don't moan to your colleague/DH/mates about because it feels insignificant.

Maybe we can all have a good moan here - and maybe back each other up that these things typically aren't so small and insignificant really!

I will go first. I noticed the other day how, when I'm walking down a pavement, I automatically move to the side out of the way of busy men striding along with briefcases. Even when I'm busy. Why do I do that? And how come I feel rude - and do get funny looks - when I don't do that?

How misogynistic, even hateful so many classic stories are! Just been listening to George's Marvellous Medicine and quite striking, constant references to grandma as "ugly" "horrible" and an "old hag" don't hear any male equivalents! Never noticed as a child...

And my gripe is more about the great frequency of such words not their use per se. I know Dahl is dark humour and that's what the kids love about it.

The fact that the use of "Master" has died out whereas "Miss" has not. So on forms, my 3 yo DS gets to be Mr whereas DD and I are Miss.

People saying "So-and-so is a real Old Woman". They are almost always talking about a man.

Mansplaining. Always and everywhere. At a work lunch the other day the guest started talking about the Marathon des Sables. He turned to me, the only woman at the table, to explain what it was. He assumed the others at the table knew. I already knew.

Salbertina, I have to disengage critical faculties to read Dahl to my children - it's horribly misogynistic. Though v appealing in other ways. An equally racist writer would not have survived.

Too true. Political correctness doesn't always extend to upholding women's rights in practice.

Try going back and reading the unexpurgated versions of Noddy books. I was absolutely shocked and binned all of them lovingly saved by my DM to pass down to my DDs, please don't tell her

They're really racist too.

when i have someone round to fix something (sadly always men) i get the little lady treatment

and worse is having creepy men trying to chat you up because they know you are single now i hang mens clothes about and leave shoes out (after bad experience was advised to by police)

of course no every workman i have had out is like this.

Following on from your's Freudian. The fact that, if a man comes round to read the meter, as I let him into the house there is a part of my brain worrying I am going to be the victim of a sexual attack. Yes I always check ID and what have you, but that would never have to cross a man's mind in such a situation.

The casual condoning of violence by male toddlers. At a toddler group today three mums were trying to have a serious conversation about school admission. Two year old boy runs up to DD2 and another girl and whacks them. Boy told 'darling, don't do that little girls don't like it' (stress the mother's, not mine and meaning what, it would have been acceptable horseplay if he had hit a boy) and another mum says "I'm so glad I have three girls". All with boy in earshot, so he has just received the message that boys can hit boys, and that hitting is inevitable as a male. Grrrrrr.

*yours

Speaking of toddler groups.

The mummy's on the bus go chatter chatter chatter all day long

The daddy's on the bus go nod nod nod all day long.

Oh, and being called darling, love, sweetheart or girls by men trying to flog me sky TV or lovefilm. This is when I'm alone or with a female friend, when I've been with my husband they address him and say things like ''excuse me sir, can I ask if you're an existing sky customer?''

mother and baby groups,eek just call it baby group

Oh yes, wheels on the bus. I saw someone on hear say they do 'the mummys on the bus discuss astrophysics', and now I hear it in my head every time. Generally I just tend to avoid the parent verses.

Hair issues. Up until recently, both DS and I had long hair. We now both have short hair. I will admit to coaxing DS a little into having his cut but this is not because I am a deep down heteronormative, I just got sick of the daily battles to get a brush or comb through it. DS is 8 and he liked having long hair but hated caring for it, so it was getting difficult. But people my family are still going on about, oh he looks like a proper little boy, so glad he's had his hair cut.

I now have a no4 crop, and the plait of my hair, which is sitting on top of the microwave at the moment, is a foot long, so that was a radical change too. I had it done at the local street party where they were shaving the men's heads for charity. Shaving women's heads is still seen as scary and dramatic...

Can I add a positive? Just opened my new Phillips electric toothbrush. The little coloured things to identify whose head is whose are greens and blues. No gendered pink and blue at all. For once.

arrgh, yes, the toddler thing. My DD is playing with a couple of little boys, then starts crying and runs back to me. One of the other mothers turns to me and says kindly "i'm afraid little boys tend to be rougher". Grrr. No, it's that a couple of huge seagulls wandered onto the grass and she is frightened of birds. Shoo the birds and she went straight back.

And yes, she likes Fireman Sam and the Octonauts. This is not "wacky", or beause I have forced feminism on her over her natural leanings.

And then Dd referred to a "lady bus driver" the other day, and insisted on it over "bus driver". Why does it feel that the entire bloody universe is trying to force her into a (glittery pink) box?

amanda - oh, please include the positives! I started this thread in the mood for a good old moan but I like the nice stuff too.

SGB - fellow feeling, though I wish I'd done it for a good reason. My hair isn't that short but it is shorter than a good many men's haircuts and I know exactly what you mean about the practical side re your DS - with me it's having time for it to dry as it's thick and takes ages. Yet it does seem to be something where there's still a reaction. I got told it was 'aging' to have short hair. (What, like it stops growing when you're 80, does it?)

Anyway, I am on here with a proper non-small gripe (though many would think it's small), as I've been visiting my parents. My dad does honestly try to drag himself kicking and screaming into the sort of world he thinks his children live in, but I died a bit inside because he honestly believes that rape when someone has consented once is not as bad as other kinds of rape. I just find that so disturbing. And I have to be fair and say as soon as I said I disagreed, he said maybe it was a subject he - not being a woman - shouldn't comment on. But then I find that almost more disturbing, that for him rape is a woman's issue, as if it's totally separate from men.

YYYYY to the food/ resturant one, drives me up the wall, but sadly when I first saw this thread it didn't even occur to me.

I am a meat lover, OH will eat meat about twice a week even then it's normally chicken rather than red meat.

There is a resturant we go to at least 3times a month, they greet us by name, they know for end of meal that I rarely drink tea/coffee and that OH will say no, oh maybe a small coffee, a decaf, no actually a tea do you have decaf tea? (Yes every bloody time he does this) to the point most of the wait staff gently take the piss, ' shall I bother offering tea/coffee, or shall I just get you a decaf tea?'

So they know us.

But and I have only realised this, 8/10 times I will order steak, rare to medium rare. I rarely (boom boom) cook it at home as OH dislikes the smell. 9/10 OH will order from thier excellent veggie menu.

EVERY BLOODY TIME THEY PRESENT THE MEAT DISH TO HIM!

Why??

I am going to have to start ordering like Jay Rayner, aren't I? To add to my one-woman protest against bills handed to the man, I now need to order the bloody steak, the offal and the cheese platter.]

Good job I like this stuff.

(It is really odd, though, isn't it? When you think that women are more likely to be anemic and need some good red meat. )

Neighbour asking why as a "good looking bird" I'm single and "if I had a man we could share a house"
Restrained myself to saying "house is mine. Always will be"

Car main dealership. Quoted me (can't remember exact figures) say £400 for work. Was suspicious and asked Dad to ring up. He gave same car details (no reg so not identifiable) and was quoted £200. He told them "that's funny, 50% of what you wanted to charge my daughter. Don't bother booking it"

On the plus side I negotiated a deal on my new car that was so good my Dad looked like this
The salesman was lovely, treated me perfectly and they never overcharge me. Managed to get 3k off new car only £100 less for my part ex car than I'd originally paid for it, and then refused to complete deal until he threw in 3 years roadside assistance and a tank of fuel. Maybe I just terrified him

Paid to go to a kids craft studio on a rainy day on holiday.
They gave pink baby animal stuff to the girls, and blue vehicle stuff to the boys.
I silently fumed.

I have had the car thing - I ask the salesman a question, he gives answer to DH. DH says "My wife will be the one driving it, you'd better tell her" and then get the blokey nudge nudge "well I'll just humour her" looks. Needless to say my business went elswhere.
Same thing happened with a pergola we had built - business elsewhere.

What surprised me most was when I was getting quotes for a new kitchen and a very well known company wouldn't come out and give me a quote unless my husband was going to be there.
So I asked "Are you saying my husband has to take time off work to get this quote?"
The answer "Yes "
Obviously business went elsewhere and I retell this story.

I hate the way a lot of men sit on public transport - apparently their genitals are so massive that they have to spread their legs miles apart meaning I lose a third of my seat. Bloody rude.

I used to amuse my self in London on the tube. Man sits down next to you spreads his legs, your legs touch for a moment, he pulls his legs in and then stretches out because he has assumed you will put your legs together in a ladylike way.

Well not me, they don't know what to do the second time your legs touch, it really plays with their heads.

OK one that annoys me, this morning (not just this morning) the sport on the radio, never tells you what sport they are talking about if it's a mens' team and always tells you if it's a woman's team, with the addition of the words ladies' or women's.

my ds like pink , they are nearly 4
every time we are out and they want the pink cup or something I get a funny look and someone asks me if they are sure

I hate the colour pink, don't know where they get it from

I work in construction/engineering and am the Technical Manager.

People will ring up, ask for technical and get put through to me (a woman).

• Hello solve speaking, how can I help?

• Oh sorry, I wanted technical?