Small things that make you angry and you feel you can't mention elsewhere

[MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik]

I was thinking that maybe we need one of those threads that reminds us we all have much more in common with each other, than any of us does with the misogynistic bigots.

I don't know what the feministy equivalent of 'first world problem' is, but I bet there are loads of things you've been itching to point out annoy you, but don't start an AIBU about, or don't moan to your colleague/DH/mates about because it feels insignificant.

Maybe we can all have a good moan here - and maybe back each other up that these things typically aren't so small and insignificant really!

I will go first. I noticed the other day how, when I'm walking down a pavement, I automatically move to the side out of the way of busy men striding along with briefcases. Even when I'm busy. Why do I do that? And how come I feel rude - and do get funny looks - when I don't do that?

[ZutAlorsDidier]

I was on the phone to an IT contractor in the US. I emailed him something which happened to show my current sig saying my holiday dates coming up. He said "And where are you going away to, young lady?" in a patronising jovial tone. I thought (but did not say) "how do you know I am young? I am actually middle aged and very senior". (my senior looking job title is also in the sig too). I did not. why not? I giggled and told him where I am going. AAAAAAAAAAARGH I hate myself.

I know in his mind all he was saying was "oh a holiday coming up, how nice, where are you going" BUT THAT ISN'T WHAT HE SAID, WHY ARE MEN ALLOWED TO TALK TO WOMEN LIKE THAT

[vioso]

Nursery graduation today. Part of it is that the children who graduate go up and say 'When I grow up I want to be a .....'. The 4 boys want to be a doctor, a doctor, a diver and a policeman. Of the 3 girls one wants to work where her mother works (customer support/sales role), one wants to be a nurse and one wants to be a princess. At least all present adults laughed loudest about the princess idea, perhaps because its highly unrealistic? Nurse and customer support role are of course completely valid choices, but i felt sad that none of the girls dared to want to be a doctor.

[AmandaPandtheTantrumofDoom]

I really don't get that. Because large numbers of family GPs are female. And unless they have health issues, those are the doctors children really see. DD's have once in their lives seen a male GP. Their RL models are pretty balanced.

So it must be popular culture. TV is generally pretty careful these days. It must presumably be the way people refer to doctors, and maybe books and stories?

My DD's want to be zoo keepers. Does that cheer you slightly?

[rosabud]

Rare child-free moment over the weekend found myslef and DP walking up to the bar in a pub. I confidently got out my purse and said to the barman, "A pint of Guiness, please" then turned to DP and asked what he wanted to which replied half a Stella which I reiterated to the barman. Barman then places pint of Guiness in front of DP, half a Stella in a sort of wine glass thing (rather than a half pint glass) in front of me, and tells DP how much it all is.

[EBearhug]

I am angry at myself, because today I came out with, "That's because men never read the instructions." I would have (rightly) picked any of my male colleagues had they come out with, "That's because women never..." and then I'm doing it myself, and it's no more acceptable that way round. I did apologise.

(I did know the answer to their problem because I had read the instructions...)

[SummerHoliDidi]

I got annoyed with a friend posting on fb about how her husband didn't clean the kitchen right and it was because "men just don't see the mess". No - your husband pretends he doesn't see the mess because he knows that then you'll clean it anyway and he won't have to. Not ALL men.

[BoffinMum]

Vioso, less student debt as a nurse and comparable access to earnings/higher degrees in many cases?

[BoffinMum]

Peonies, I do that! I also refuse to let them take up my space on trains etc. I spread out as much as I can, and/or ask them to shift up. They get confused and then really hate it!

[Kiwiinkits]

Ever compared the advertising on your Facebook page to your husband's? Prepare to be disgusted. Mine: lose that belly fat! Starvation diet! Baby clothes! His: hot Asian chick, loves to be spanked! Massive titted women ready to meet you!
An absolute wake up call.

[AmandaPandtheTantrumofDoom]

Didi- Have you seen last night's Wifework thread. That one got quite an airing!

[scallopsrgreat]

I had an incident the other week which I would have just written off before taking the blue pill (or was it the red?). Anyway I was walking down the street with my youngest who is 21 months. We were walking all of about 200 yds. It was a very hot day and he didn't have a hat on because we couldn't find it in the mess we call our hall. Cue postman stopping me and proceeding to tell me how I should put a hat on him because the sunlight is dangerous to small children.

Now this man didn't know where we'd walked from or where we were going to yet he felt it necessary to stop me (in the shade I hasten to add as about half the walk was in the shade anyway!) and give me the benefit of his wisdom. Wisdom I couldn't possibly have known, obviously.

But not only that he didn't feel the need to stop my partner who was a about 30 yards ahead with my very fair-headed eldest child (3 yrs old) who also wasn't wearing a hat. No it was only necessary to subject me to his dissemination of knowledge.

I did refrain from yelling "YES I KNOW" and just gave him the look and a "Yes, thank you for your help" in a not altogether unsarcastic voice.

[peteypiranha]

Anyone who thinks men cant do childcare or household tasks

Anyone that tries to excuse men from doing this by making a joke out of it or saying thats what men are like whether that is the man or a woman saying it

Anyone that stereotypes our dds as because they are girld

All these things send me and dh crazy, but neither of us are quiet about it. We tell people we encounter with these views how wrong they are

[LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy]

petey, I'm glad you are feeling better.

Your post reminds me - women who still think 'equality' is a 'selfish' desire.

It is so upsetting to see women who have internalized this so much that they don't even notice it.

I know you will understand I am thinking of your own thread, but I couldn't help posting as I do urge you to recognize the problems with this sort of thing. Ultimately, woman-blaming is going to grind women down.

[peteypiranha]

This one is something old school men do, but the way dh and some if his other dad colleagues do I love. Things like when dh takes time off for the children being sick and his bosses make arsey comments. The last time dh said well soon my wife is going to be trained in a profession and will be the main breadwinner by a significant amount so its something that will have to be accomodated when the children are sick.

When he took his paternity leave they tried to guilt trip him out of it and he said well you dont have a child every day so the team will have to manage.

Love this and thet know they havent got a leg to stand on and just go off grumbling

[peteypiranha]

Sorry lrd x post. I mean I was selfish when I was younger as I took things so far the other way I wouldnt do any housework at all. It is because I feel so strongly about it. I do stuff now and do think it was because my mum was so strident, and I was so determined this wouldnt happen to me

I am a very big loudmouth when it comes to this in rl. I will not accept it in the slightest, and I dont want my dds to ever have to do it either

[LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy]

It's not 'selfish' to be young and slobby - it's normal. And your mum wasn't 'strident'.

These are pretty woman-blaming words. You can get beyond this attitude, I think.

[peteypiranha]

Another is when I was 20 I had owned my own property for nearly 2 years that I bought with no help from anyone, and no mans name on it, or mand help with the mortgage. When I went to Nationwide to discuss a remortgage the man started telling dh stuff about it he said Its nothing to do with me its my wives place I dont have a clue about this type of thing. He looked rather perplexed, and I just gave him a smug smile.

[peteypiranha]

I think I was a bit selfish looking back as I had dh running around like a blue assed fly. He cooked for me, ironing and polished my shoes etc this is something I have talked about in depth be for. I have realised that I can still show other people they dont have to accept that but without taking it so far.

[LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy]

Oh, ok, yes, that is OTT - I was basing the comment on the other thread, where my impression was you were saying you were just a slob as most people are when they're first in their own places.

I do think it is important not to use the language that suggests women are automatically unreasonable, though.

[peteypiranha]

No because my mum drilled in it to me. I definitely made dh prove himself he used to drop my ironed uniform and highly polished shoed back to me on a morning in first few months of us together. Its hard to strike the right balance when your young and passionate, but you live and learn.

[Blistory]

Petey, please stop posting for just a little while and read what people are saying. It is getting increasingly difficult to read these threads and to see that you are continuously missing the point.

I appreciate that you think you are giving great advice but you're not - you are putting various posters down time and time again.

You sound very much like a lot of men who come on here and tell us that us women have got it wrong and here's how we should be doing it properly. You have posted some pretty sexist comments, some victim blaming comments and you don't seem to realise when you're being called out on it.

You have a great life by all accounts and well done on ensuring that there's no sexism in your life. I hate to patronise you but do you really think you're going to be able to protect your daughters from it just because it doesn't happen in your house ? You need to be aware of what they are going to encounter at school, at higher education, at work, dealing with organisations etc and to find a way to do it that doesn't blame them for not being tough enough or kick ass enough.

I really don't mean to criticise you but it's been post after post across various threads and you're still not listening to anyone.

[peteypiranha]

I cant shield them from stuff, but I can lay the good foundations, and give them the tools they need. I am fully aware of what they will encounter, and call people out on it daily.

[Blistory]

[Woodhead]

Kiwiinkits I don't use facebook, but I've seen those "lose belly fat ones" and have never thought too hard about them being directed to me by reason of my gender. So do blokes not see those ones? Argh.