Small things that make you angry and you feel you can't mention elsewhere

[MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik]

I was thinking that maybe we need one of those threads that reminds us we all have much more in common with each other, than any of us does with the misogynistic bigots.

I don't know what the feministy equivalent of 'first world problem' is, but I bet there are loads of things you've been itching to point out annoy you, but don't start an AIBU about, or don't moan to your colleague/DH/mates about because it feels insignificant.

Maybe we can all have a good moan here - and maybe back each other up that these things typically aren't so small and insignificant really!

I will go first. I noticed the other day how, when I'm walking down a pavement, I automatically move to the side out of the way of busy men striding along with briefcases. Even when I'm busy. Why do I do that? And how come I feel rude - and do get funny looks - when I don't do that?

sashh I do the same when flying. It's funny to see the confusion and horror when they realise that I'm actually not planning to give up my arm rest.

sashh my friend found that letting her bag slide down till it touched the offending man's thigh very effective. They would cringe away from it, she said, like they were scared of catching fashionitis

We could have a fred about how to stop men stealing our space.

Or crossing your legs so that your 'swinging' ankle hits them every time they spread. That works quite well too

same friend also managed to deter a group of builders from sexually harassing her by farting long and loud as she sauntered past. She said the confusion on their faces was priceless.

To add to the positive stories, the other day I had a meeting outside the office for a project I am involved with at work. The building where the meeting was held was having roofing work done, and the roofing crew was 100 percent women.

I decided to buy myself some work clothes from M&S. when I went to pay, the cashier said 'you should've bought your husband, he could've paid for you' ....i nearly collapsed laughing...seeing as we earn exactly the same and do the same job!

Knew I'd find the link
movethefuckoverbro.tumblr.com/

Just come back from France. Over there I saw delightful Paco Rabanne advert (man orders woman to strip naked and appear before him painted in gold). There just weren't enough heads or desks.

Also something that bugs me is why handbags are for women. They are bloody useful and practical yet men won't wear them as they are for women. They'll have bloody great big rucksacks or holdalls but not something to keep their wallet/phone. This is part of the whole area where things are good enough for women but not for men (girls toys, dresses/skirts, make up, high heels etc etc etc)

Also girls all have long hair now. I have photos when I was at school and there was a 50/50 split of short hair/long hair? I was driving past a load of school kids on their way back from school a couple of weeks ago and the shortest hair on the girls was shoulder length. Not one short haired girl.

My friend went out without her handbag and asked her husband to bring it for her when he followed on ten mins later. He was only carrying it up the road. He put the bag inside a bag so as to avoid carrying it.. I get it but is anything a woman has so defiled by femininity that a man literally cannot touch it without his true essence shrivelling and dying ?

Yep that is exactly it Quangle.

My DH did this when i was hospitalized suddenly with a kidney infection 5 and a half years ago.
Asked him to bring my handbag in to me and he carries it in in a Tesco carrier bag

disagree Re handbag I would pop someone handbag in a carrier bag to take to them
isn't a gender thang,to me handbag personal wouldn't swing someone else bag over my shoulder

Yes, but long hair releases you from the tyranny of moose, gel, hairspray and trying to make a fashionable style with poker straight hair.

God I hated '80s flicked hair styles.

In the last couple of years, we have had major work done on the kitchen, bathroom and garden. I say 'we' but it is actually DP who was the driving force behind it. He owned the house when we met, I moved in and have made no financial contribution towards it whatsoever. All the work was paid for from an inheritance from his father which came with the stipulation that it be used to improve quality of life in some way. DP decided that this could be best achieved by having a new bathroom, kitchen and garden. I couldn't give a Shiny Shit what the taps look like, what colour and style the tiles were, what exact fucking shade of 'wood' the unit doors were. DP picked all that after pouring over catalogues and colours charts while I vaguely muttered "that's nice, dear" at him. My only contribution to any of this work was to be home to let the workies in and deal with any problems that came up during the course of the work.

For all threes jobs, each with different contractors and workies, it was assumed that DP had selected the hardware options like underfloor heating or oven hood and I was responsible for the fripperies like colours. I couldn't tell you the difference between Coral and Peach so had sod all to do with colour selection which should have been given away by my saying "yeah it's the sort of pinkish one I think?" when asked on shade yet giving the exact tech specs for the wet room flooring apparently didn't qualify me to decide what sort of boiler we have to know if the shower was suitable and it was suggested I phone DP at work to check.

I love the ideas for stopping them invading armrest/knee space.

Agree with scottish, I would carry someone else's handbag a bit gingerly. However, I find it odd when women's husbands won't hold their wives bags for them (like when women go to the loo and leave their bag with someone). I was noticing it tonight.

scone, I love that. I have a similar positive. I've just been catching up with people I've not seen for ages, and several women were talking about how they worked in male-dominated jobs and the general mood was very positive, everyone saying how when we were at school these jobs might not have seemed natural options but they worked well.

As a positive handbag story: I have been disabled for almost a year, and when I am struggling to walk, my DH takes my handbag for me. It has a bit of pink on and everyone fusses over him, isn't he "good", etc. Aaargh, he is helping me, not heroically reluctantly being seen, in public, with my handbag....

My rant tho is after having made the mistake for calling a female friend over a deeply sexist, objectifying joke, and saying I found it offensive and really sad that it is so normalized that people think it is funny. Am now the subject of much negativity, can't take a joke, spoiling others fun, told I have extremist views, etc. I need to get a thicker skin (or not bother with this friend so much anymore) as it really bothers me sometimes.

Startail, I have short hair and certainly don't use moose or hairspray. Mind you I am not the epitome of fashion either! Short hair is way easier to look after than long hair. Strange how fashion for women involves all these extra products though. Although men are getting into the act on the hair front most men with short hair don't use any kind of additional products.

Only part way through reading. but I had to reply to bigkidsdidit. No one uses "grow a pair" around me IRL anymore. I started telling people that I had tyvm, and in fact they were so big I had to put them on my chest to stop them from chafing.

The reporting today of additional paternity leave is giving me the absolute rage.

Father's aren't take the leave because it isn't paid enough. According to the TUC. Now I'm not sure that is the whole story, but I'll take them at their word.

It is paid exactly the fucking same as for women. Yes, some employers top up women's pay with occupational maternity pay, but most of those will have been advised that, if it covers the same period of absence, (e.g months six to nine of the year's allowance) they should be topping up for men too.

So what it comes down to is this. Women have always had shit statutory maternity pay. Now men have the option, the pay is so bloody poor that they are rejecting the option of taking the leave. And the problem is that men's pay isn't good enough. Give me strength.

I had issues with the leave anyway, since it required a woman to go back to work for the man to have an entitlement. So it was the woman's leave, but if she was, you know, a bit unmaternal or an overachiever, you nice man can step in. It needs to be, at the very least, a fully shareable leave with the woman having first right of refusal (so that, in theory, both parents could be off at the same time for three months, rather than one after the other, or whatever. It wouldn't need to burden employers as long as it couldn't chop and change).

With regards to DH and handbags, he's never seemed to have a problem holding mine if I need him too. If it's an over the shoulder one, he'll sling it over his shoulder. Once in a changing room, with him outside holding my bag I overheard someone laughingly pass comment on it, to which he replied "What? Do you not think it's my colour?"

scallops - yes, agree. It took me ten years to find a hairdresser to whom I could say 'I want it short and cut so that I don't have to straighten it or put anything it in', and get the cut I wanted. Because even when you say that, they end up straightening it and flicking bits about and assume you'll be thrilled with a result that takes half an hour to recreate.

My hairdresser is a bloke with a children, I wonder how much that helps! (It makes for nice conversations, anyway.)

amanda - nothing to say but to that. That is shit.

MrsMango - Brilliant!

most men with short hair don't use any kind of additional products

I think that most of the men I know use some kind of product on their hair.