Small things that make you angry and you feel you can't mention elsewhere

[MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik]

I was thinking that maybe we need one of those threads that reminds us we all have much more in common with each other, than any of us does with the misogynistic bigots.

I don't know what the feministy equivalent of 'first world problem' is, but I bet there are loads of things you've been itching to point out annoy you, but don't start an AIBU about, or don't moan to your colleague/DH/mates about because it feels insignificant.

Maybe we can all have a good moan here - and maybe back each other up that these things typically aren't so small and insignificant really!

I will go first. I noticed the other day how, when I'm walking down a pavement, I automatically move to the side out of the way of busy men striding along with briefcases. Even when I'm busy. Why do I do that? And how come I feel rude - and do get funny looks - when I don't do that?

On the name-changing topic I just see it as a choice you can make not a given. As for my children's surname that was also decided in partnership with my husband. I actually found my surname a burden as a child: it is unusual, tricky to spell and rhymes badly for primary school! But by the time I was an adult it was MINE!

Hull the teacher in question knew all the surnames, she was just being judgemental, she also told me my son couldn't spell because of our accent- we are not from these parts! I then made a decision with the next school and the next child to blend in a bit more!

eurgh, she sounds lovely. I hope you complained!

Hullmum that would annoy me too.

As does the odd look I got at PTA (all women) for having beer not wine.

The pubs wine is nasty, I don't see why I should drink bad wine in an area with good beer just because I'm female.

That where I work, if you have a vagina you can't possibly go on the forklift course or be taught any of the warehousing stuff, but I can go on the First Aid course, because women are good at that sort of thing!

Well if you're being told that officially then it's discrimination

This phrase annoys me amost as much as "having it all"

"Feminism is about choice"

No it isn't, feminism is about women having equal rights to men. Consumerism is about choice.

CBBC, - An overweight 'laddish' male introduces the programmes. could you ever imagine an overweight, funny, young female in that role

YY to food choices in restaurants! If I ever order mussels they invariably get given to dh. Steak = masculine I'm familiar with as a concept, but mussels?

Well, I?m clearly a bolshy old bra-burning feminist because most of the examples on here don?t seem too minor to me and when they happen I?m likely to say something or at the very least roll my eyes!

I had never thought about the food one though, and that?s very interesting. DH is a vegetarian and almost never eats wheat. So when we?re out at somewhere like pizza express, he?ll almost always order a salad while I?m tucking into a salami-laden pizza with DS. The waiters do tend to start giving me the salad and DH the pizza but I have always felt slightly embarrassed ? like I?m the big fat woman eating inappropriately. I hadn?t even realised there is a gender stereotype going on there. Arrgh, and I thought I was on top of all these little things.

Glitzpig that?s not ok. I?d definitely do a couple of spontaneous nights out after work if I were you.

I know a few couples where each parent gets two default days ie days that he/she is expected to definitely be home in time for bath and bed. On your default day you can?t work late or make plans etc without specific permission from the other. On your non default day, if you have to work a bit later or go for a last minute drink, that?s broadly okay. Seems to work quite well. DH is SAHD but I have set days that I am definitely home promptly to do bath and bed. On other days, if I don?t have a specific plan already agreed, if I land up being a bit late, that?s fine. But I generally try not to. Similarly, if something comes up last minute that DH wants to do, he?ll text me and ask if I can get home promptly so he can zip out.

Just heard that FIL had been very pleased to hear that our DC1 (not born yet) and his first grandchild is a boy. His comment had been "Ah! A heir!".
So if it was a girl, he'd leave his stuff to the dog shelter or something?

We did the allocated days thing when we both worked, it worked quite well.

Don't know if anyone has mentioned this yet but there's an advert on the radio that really gets my goat - some dental implant place, with some woman saying how they had one satisfied customer who was proposed to by her boyfriend after some dental work because "otherwise someone else will snap you up now that you look so good". It gives me the rage.

As an aside it came on yesterday when I was in the car with kids. I turned it off and DS1 asked why. So I told him about person becoming vastly more popular when he/she (not gender-specific in my language) became better looking. He rolled his eyes.

lady role-clearly-viewed-as-male, e.g. lady doctor, lady driver

drives me mad - make my skin itch when used about me.

Having to wear make up to work. I don't wear make up very often at all out of work, I think of it as "special occasion" - weddings, Christmas parties etc but there is an unwritten code at work that says make up is part of "smart business dress." Why?? Why do women have to change their faces to appear smart?

"Feminism is about choice"

No it isn't, feminism is about women having equal rights to men. Consumerism is about choice.

I have been waiting for an opportunity to post this:

From the Onion

Ha! Scone, that needs a 'like' button

working women being referred to as 'career girls'.
sad old loser men telling you they just haven't met a 'good woman' and that is why they have so many problems.
'male nurses'.

LOVE IT Scone

The food thing really annoys me. I remember a few years ago hearing about some restaurant that did a his and hers valentines menu - fish for the woman and steak for the man. It made me so mad.

Dh had a team/working dinner to go to tonight. It was in the diary. No problem. He came home instead. When I asked he said it had been postponed a couple of weeks. He never mentioned this previously but now it apparently falls on a night where I have organised something - food with a big group of friends. I pointed this out. His comment? "I don't know what to say." This has given me the rage, as it a night where he normally collects dd from brownies, so this involves me changing my routine even if I wasn't planning to go out. And what pisses me off the most is that he gives it no thought whatsoever.

We both work ft by the way.

Like button scone !