Small things that make you angry and you feel you can't mention elsewhere

[MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik]

I was thinking that maybe we need one of those threads that reminds us we all have much more in common with each other, than any of us does with the misogynistic bigots.

I don't know what the feministy equivalent of 'first world problem' is, but I bet there are loads of things you've been itching to point out annoy you, but don't start an AIBU about, or don't moan to your colleague/DH/mates about because it feels insignificant.

Maybe we can all have a good moan here - and maybe back each other up that these things typically aren't so small and insignificant really!

I will go first. I noticed the other day how, when I'm walking down a pavement, I automatically move to the side out of the way of busy men striding along with briefcases. Even when I'm busy. Why do I do that? And how come I feel rude - and do get funny looks - when I don't do that?

Bleurgh. Not to stealth boast but my DD is so cute that she has caused a ripple effect of oohs and aahs while toddling down the street on more than one occasion. That doesn't mean I want people touching her. I hate strangers invading my space, so does she.

exasperated exactly! I know they're fucking beautiful.. but don't touch them!

I've actually just reminded myself of something my mother said.

It's a good thing ds(1) is going to be so big and strong as dd (2) is so beautiful guys will be tryin to mess with her and harass her!

thanks mother, thanks for that. Let's hope she always has her brother with her whenever she is alone with a boy to avoid all the rape that's going to happen "as she's so pretty"

Local radio did "mums fly a plane" section to much hilarity at the incompetence of women. Oh how I laughed. Really hoped a female pilot who happened to have DC would ring in but it didnt happen.

The grim rape encouraging lyrics on songs my DDs hum along to "you know you want it" etc. Grim.

DH and his friends put up some Christmas decorations at school. Took them an hour or so they took beer. That is all these men have done this year to help DH didnt think much of it. Yet they got a special mention by name in the heads blurb in the newsletter and much appreciation. There are mothers that spend HOURS at the school helping and dont get a mention. But because its fathers their time is perceived as more valuable. Just made me . Sorry rant over!

I'm pretty sure it's a fact that a uterus once expanded to contain a fetus renders a woman incapable of flying a plane.

So that's just science

But I thought all the extra air that gets trapped in the expanded uterus helps to keep the plane aloft? And that's why women can't command submarines.

oh you may be right exasperated, I'll confirm with a man to be sure. Dh will be home soon

I can't believe your mum would say that ThirdTime .

I didn't read the thread about not wanting people to touch toddler dd, but I'm glad nobody tried that sort of thing with dd2, she doesn't like being touched AT ALL, let alone by strangers. She goes into a massive, massive tantrum if somebody touches her without her permission, and I'm not discouraging that too much. I've spent a lot of time teaching her cousins that she's not a doll, plenty of repeating "dd2 is her own person, let her decide what she wants to do", I wouldn't want that ruined by strangers.

schooldiddi the best part of it was she really meant it as a complement at the time.

ds also doesn't like strangers at all, and according to that thread I've made him afraid of strangers.

Not to offend anyone that has changed their name upon marriage but literally every female on my Facebook who has got married and these are girls I went to school with so my age, 27ish, the supposed "post feminist" generation has changed their surname with not so much as a double barrel in sight
It makes me feel really cringe, like I'm embarrassed for them?? Again, posting here as will get flamed anywhere else for expressing my irritation with this... (So if I have offended u pls don't roast me!!)

I've noticed that too Madame. I only know 2 women who have not changed their name, one of whom is in her 40s and the other is technically in a CP and I don't think people change their names when it's a same sex relationship do they?

I do know lots of couple who are happily not married though (like me and dp), so maybe that's skewing the results, those of us who wouldn't change names maybe aren't as likely to get married in the first place?

A random sentence I just read in the Evening Standard:

"I read widely: Seth Godin, Malcolm Gladwell, Tom Hodgkinson..."

Yes that's terribly wide, city man being interviewed by journalist man.

Yeah that's probably true schooldidi. I'm just a bit disappointed in my peers! I know 2 women who have kept their names one was part of my uni feminist society and the other has a particularly lovely surname and has also built her professional rep under that name

I changed mine for similar reasons - it is foreign, hard to spell and easy to take the piss out of. I did keep mine for a while, but when DD came along, I switched, although I am Ms rather than Mrs. I don't think of it as DH's name, it is my name now.

I think there are lots of good reasons to change ones name. men don't do it because they'd never live it down. I suspect if the taboo was gone loads of men would change their names and loads of couples would create new names.

"Men don't do it be because they'd never live it down"

Exactly!

Schooldidi - The two female couples I know in CP's both changed their names. Not to one of the existing surnames though - one to a totally new name and one to a hybrid of both existing names. Both planned to have a family and I wonder if that is why they did. Or the pre-existing normalisation of women changing their names on marriage. I suspect, but don't have any stats, that far more lesbian couples do that type of thing than gay male couples.

"Men don't do it be because they'd never live it down"

Or maybe they don't because no-one suggests that it would be fine to do that?
My husband took my name, and hasn't had any stick for it. I didn't ask him to as tbh it didn't cross my mind that he would do that. And I suppose as we are Mr & Mrs MyName, all the people we've meant since we've married just assume that took his name..

I know a family where the father left and the mother brought up 4 children. The three boys, as adults, all changed their names by deedpoll to, respectively, their mother's maiden name, their maternal grandmother's maiden name, and the third to his wife's name, because they thought those three people deserved more commemoration and respect than their absent and unmissed father. This is a very down to earth family by the way, nothing guardian-reading or modern-parenty about them.

I wanted dh to change his name to mine, I know why he didn't though. Its the same reason I changed mine to his.

(dh's mother wanted to play happy families whenever she met a new guy so she would change dh's name each time to the new guys name. He has had his current name for 20 years and wanted it to mean something and couldn't face another name change. He feels like now that me and the kids have his name it finally means something. Although now I feel like I've just been subjected to what he had to suffer all along... I can honestly say if not for this one unusual situation I would never have changed my name.)

I also have a friend who wanted her dh with a rubbish name to change to hers (awesome name), it was considered and then her friends took the piss so bad they changed to his

I also know a married lesbian couple who changed their names when they got married

I think a lot of families want to have the same name so it would be nice if the tradition was changed and it was accepted that either name could be used. To keep a name going or to get rid of a name that's caused you pain.

I don't think its necessarily feminist to keep your name but then let your children have their fathers names which is what I generally see happen.

If dh and were to divorce Id go back to my old name and the kids would be double barreled (despite how bad it would sound, and it would be bad) because they aren't having a different name to me

The one man I know who uses his wife's name had a chaotic family background with various stepfathers - his legal name came from one of them. In adopting his wife's name, he wanted to establish a family name.

see TSC that makes more sense to me, and I tried to convince dh of that. Not sure if for him it was a "man" thing or not. Maybe deep down he wasn't 100%sure about our marriage at the time though and didn't want to get saddled with another name?