Small things that make you angry and you feel you can't mention elsewhere

[MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik]

I was thinking that maybe we need one of those threads that reminds us we all have much more in common with each other, than any of us does with the misogynistic bigots.

I don't know what the feministy equivalent of 'first world problem' is, but I bet there are loads of things you've been itching to point out annoy you, but don't start an AIBU about, or don't moan to your colleague/DH/mates about because it feels insignificant.

Maybe we can all have a good moan here - and maybe back each other up that these things typically aren't so small and insignificant really!

I will go first. I noticed the other day how, when I'm walking down a pavement, I automatically move to the side out of the way of busy men striding along with briefcases. Even when I'm busy. Why do I do that? And how come I feel rude - and do get funny looks - when I don't do that?

I'm glad to see others have experience of the woman/food thing. When you think about it, it's the ultimate restriction on a person isn't it - their food? Visiting my extended family is excruciating as they all talk about their various weight losses and congratulate each other, while I sit in the middle, acutely aware they see me as some sort of failure for being fat. Would be nice to talk about our jobs or interests at some point....!

I haven't yet read the whole thread, but what I hate is when idiot men dislike what you are saying, and so accuse you of having 'Daddy' issues. Never mind my dad (along with my husband) is the most decent, kind man I have ever had the privilege to meet, but HE is the one, with my mum, who has taught me to be proud of being a woman and to fight my (our) corner!!!

Jesus,the Vctim blaming towards the adolescent Forrest groomed and her mother
seems some think men can't help themselves and adolescents are prick teases
the normalising of abuse,the minimising language routinely used.im so angry

That really pissed me off too Scottismummy - if Jeremy Forrest had committed the exact same crime against a 15yr old boy people's reaction would have been totally different.

it's how it's trivialised and diminished,the casual dismissal of his grooming the power imbalance
I've seen fair few mn comments akin to well she was up for it. shocking
I despair,are some so impervious to the pernicious nature of abuse that they blame the victim

Yes, that made me absolutely furious too.

I have seen some anger about it, but not enough.

It makes me feel sick and I find it really upsetting that there seems to be a culture of normalizing this by saying 'I know so-and-so who married the bloke she started seeing when she was 14 and he was 30'.

I know someone who got together with her boyfriend when she was 15 and he was 22. They got married 7 years later and are therefore vocal about it being a success. It is the creepiest relationship I know. I can't begin to think what it's like when it is someone who is in loco parentis.

Just read the first few pages and genuinely want to ask what the problem is with being called a lady? I picked up a dropped teddy today and gave it to its little owner who was told by her mum to "say thank you to the lady"
Say thank you to the woman, would have sounded very odd and a bit rude I think

Hi de.

I don't mind it when it's people using it to little children, when it's the equivalent of 'gentleman' (IMO).

What I mind is when people talk about 'ladies' when they would say 'men' to men. In my experience, if people (for example) assume I wouldn't be as practical as the men in the group, they will refer to me as 'lady'. I don't quite know why the things correlate, but my experience is they do.

I think any time when people are referring to women using a term that's not comparable to the term they'd use to refer to men, it usually says something about how they see men and women as different.

I'd use lady or woman I guess (but mostly woman, I think unlees speaking about an older "lady" ), would use man or guy too. I think "young lady" which is patronizing as fuck when speaking to a grown woman and "ladybus driver or "ladydoctor" or Arsenal ladies team was what gave most people the rage. Probably why using it in general conversation also makes their teeth itch

YY, that's true, 'lady+occupation' where men are just 'occupation' is rude.

Or like 'male nurse' ... erm, he's just a nurse?

That when men do their fair share of household chores and child care, their wives refer to them as "petty good."

ahh,yes men getting plaudits when looking after own kids.as if going extra mile
a man changing nappy,sorting kids isn't great.it's doing what he should do
but women gushing gratitude over what I'd expect. as agiven,it's depressing

Smudging have you seen the Child Eyes campaign? Aims to get sexualised images out of children's eyesight in shops and other public spaces. There's a petition and everything. Have a look on FB if you're on there :)

That the one dad who regularly did school pick up was allowed to be late every single day. Non of the women rushing back from work pulled that stunt day in day out.

A shop assistant in tescos once tried to refuse to sell me a triple sandwich on the grounds that they are for men.

At a job I had 10 or so years ago, a man brought in his DD a couple of times, once for an entire day - as it was an emergency.

Everyone commented on how sweet it was and what a good dad he was. I was thinking, no woman would get away with this shit.

Mm, I use 'lady'. Thinking about when I use it, it's if I have a query at work from someone, or if I'm pointing out someone for some reason, so I'll say 'this lady needs to speak to...', or 'the lady over there said...', so it's only when I'm dealing at one remove with someone, and always where I would use 'gentleman' as well, should the equipment be of the other kind.

I don't know why, but saying 'the woman over there', or 'the man over there' always sounds a bit dismissive. Thinking about it now, I think I come over as bonkers sounding actually - I was in the garage the other week and talking to the man on the desk, pointed to the 'gentleman over there who changed my tire', in actuality a grumpy, acne'd youth. Just hope they don't think I was taking the mickey.

Nope, I do that too. Been watching out for it based on this thread. I do say "Mind out for that lady" etc to my children a lot. But I also say "don't walk into that gentleman", and yes I use it when I am slightly removed from the person I am talking about. It jut seems more polite.

I don't think that's a big issue. It's more the 'ladies' as a dismissive-ish term.

I am thinking about use of 'lady' too. I work for an organisation with very feminist principles and you do NOT call each other 'ladies' there, it's 'women'. So much so that you wouldn't use the term 'manning' a stall (for example), you would be 'womanning' it. That kind of thing is said a bit joking but would still be pointed out in a lighthearted way if you were to say you were manning something.

However I always say to dd (age 2) that she needs to pay the lady/say thank you to the lady etc etc when out and about. Hmmmm...

I use "lady" when I'm referring indirectly to a woman I don't know, especially if she is older. If I can use another noun, like "passenger" (at work), I prefer that - it just sounds better.

I wouldn't refer to a group of women I was with as "ladies".

Plural versus singular, perhaps? I don't think I ever say 'the ladies over there', or 'the gentlemen over there' - it would be the men or the women.

It appears I put no thought into what I say whatsoever. How depressing.

x-post, Clanger! It just doesn't work as well for groups, does it? And I have no idea why. Perhaps because it sounds too much like the patronising dismissal of using 'laydees' or 'fine gentlemen' to bunch together a group of individuals into less than their component parts?

Smudging there's an online petition to ask the editor of The Sun to stop having a 'Page 3 girl'. It's attracting quite a bit of attention.