Small things that make you angry and you feel you can't mention elsewhere

[MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik]

I was thinking that maybe we need one of those threads that reminds us we all have much more in common with each other, than any of us does with the misogynistic bigots.

I don't know what the feministy equivalent of 'first world problem' is, but I bet there are loads of things you've been itching to point out annoy you, but don't start an AIBU about, or don't moan to your colleague/DH/mates about because it feels insignificant.

Maybe we can all have a good moan here - and maybe back each other up that these things typically aren't so small and insignificant really!

I will go first. I noticed the other day how, when I'm walking down a pavement, I automatically move to the side out of the way of busy men striding along with briefcases. Even when I'm busy. Why do I do that? And how come I feel rude - and do get funny looks - when I don't do that?

I have short hair which I have cut every 3 months or so - I've found a couple of hairdressers that would cut them really short. I don't use moose/gel/hairspray/hairdryer. All I do is to wash quickly with some shampoo in the morning and towel it dry, which takes all of 1 minute. Sometimes if I remember I'd brush it. (I think it does make a tiny bit of difference. ). I don't know why I didn't do this years and years go!

And I have even had complements (from women) about how stylish the hair is. I smile and say thank you (and don't analyse whether it's sarcasm or not!)

I don't know anyone Trills Different circles and all.

:)

No big deal, just wanted to say that clearly some men do put stuff in their hair to keep it in place.

The teenage boys with the "One Direction" big hair are definitely using something!

Food. The assumption that as a woman I am either on a diet, thinking about going on a diet, just had a successful diet - and in any case, will be categorising food not into healthy/unhealthy categories, but low calorie/naughty categories.

Naughty? I'm not effing 5 years old. I feel a little infantilised and diminished every time someone titters at me about chocolate.

It does still feel as though men are considered to have brains stuffed full of important, practical, serious concerns, but given half a chance, all us women will scarper off to the corner to eat chocolate, cry over the 3rd glass of wine, and have competitive fat thigh conversations.

How do you find a hairdresser like that Copper / Malenky!?
I would like my hair sort of like the nurse Jen's on 24 hours in A&E. It just looks so easy and neat, and shows off her natural face so well. The closest I've ever got is a short bob! Seriously, nobody will do it!

Shiny London Chinatown hairdressers. No nonsense quick cut.

The same cereal brands will sell "low fat" to women- and show a women squeezing in to some tiny jeans

But it's "heart healthy" for men.

Women care about being thin. Men care about being healthy (but only if they are being gengtly nudged by a loving woman handing him a bowl of fucking cereal.

"Women care about being thin. Men care about being healthy..."

Yes. This gives me the rage too.

The abbreviating of (mostly female) slebs' names to meaningless semi-initials. K-Middy, R-Pattz, K-Stew. It makes me so cross that I actually heave a bit. Infantilising both for the woman whose name is contracted to meaninglessness and the women who read about it in Grazia. The last one I saw was Rita Ora - contracted to Ri-Or. A flabby, jellylike sound that actually mimics the noise of vomiting. FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

shiny - asked different ones, lots. Also brought in pictures and kept reminding them 'I want it really short. If I hate it it won't matter, I will grow it out'.

You probably have to be convincing with that though!

What they're worried about is people who hate it, because they can't exactly bring in a senior stylist and get it re-cut in a better style, because it will be too short.

I get round the hair issue by going to a unisex barbers', rather than a salon. I spent about a year working really hard to convince a hairdresser that they really needed to use their clippers to get mine as short as I wanted it, and they wouldn't have it, and charged me £40 for the privilege. Now I pay £10 and get a really sharp, neat no.4 crop at the back, with no straightening or blow drying.

Also, I have been trying to buy women's sportswear and have been banging my head against a wall of pink and purple and un-necessary details. Why are all the necklines really low-cut, so you're flashing cleavage, or if outside, really susceptible to sunburn?

Going back to the names thing again (sort of)- I got my PhD when I was living with now-DH, before we were married; most of my relatives correctly started addressing birthday cards (and congratulations cards!) to Dr my name. Since we got married and I changed my name, I seem to have lost my title and everyone (except my mum, bless her, and a few very nice friends) address me as Mrs, ostentatiously it seems!

One of the reasons I was ok with changing my name was that DH is a Dr too and it felt equal that we would both have exactly the same name, bar the initials. But most of our relatives address post to Dr and Mrs- it's like they can't cope with having more than one Dr in a family. It was my birthday yesterday and seeing Mrs on the cards really depressed me tbh- I never wanted to be Mrs! No one ever gets DH's title wrong by the way.

I don't feel I can correct people as I don't work in my academic field any more so it would seem really pedantic.

Have you changed your name professionally too Captain? I'm sure I have read somewhere that you are only meant to attach Dr to one surname (possibly this only applies to medical doctors - am sure someone will know). So if you are Dr Elliot you would be Mrs Wentworth (following the Austen theme and treating Wentworth as the married name!). But if you are Dr Wentworth at work, obviously you should be on postal addresses.

Technically this is true, but IME people just change their names and keep their 'Dr'. I know loads of people who got married after they finished the PhD and are therefore using the 'Dr' with a different name from the one in which they graduated.

If you think about it, it's really only another way to put down women, because men aren't expected to change their names at all.

Oh, that wasn't quite what I mean MRD. I meant that, if you are using your maiden name at work and your married name at home, then personal post would be addressed to Mrs Wentworth, and post at work to Dr Elliot. But if you had kept your maiden name for all purposes, then personal and work post should be Dr Elliot. And if you had changed your name for all purposes, personal and work post would be Dr Wentworth. So you only use the Dr with one name at a time.

Does that make sense or is it total bollocks. I am not a PhD (am a lawyer, we don't even get letters for our post graduate qualifications ) so it's not really my area.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yes, I do follow. I believe medics are really meant to notify someone if they get married and want to use the 'Dr' bit with a new name, so that was what I was thinking of. I've only seen someone mention it on here, though.

Ah, when I run the world all post will be addressed to first name (or first initial should you prefer) surname. Jane Smith. None of this Ms/Miss/Mrs/Dr confusion then.

But will lawyers get letters after their names?

Ack, we only get an LLB anyway. I will surrender all letters in the interests of equality. My campaign for better letters hasn't gone well for the last 15 years so I might as well drag you all down with me.

Well, I don't have letters yet, so no skin of my nose.

if I spent 8 years (or more) in university, I'd send letters back that called me Mrs and not doctor!

Sugar, re "Man up!". I've always said "Don't be such a weed!" to my children.

I won't let them say "man up" which the older two imported from secondary school. They roll their eyes but DD2 who goes to a fantastic girls' school is proper little feminist and totally gets it.

just saw a business called Mr. Tax. Can't imagine a place called Ms, Tax as it would probably put men off or suddenly seem gender specific

Re the Dr thing, all the people I know whether medics or chemists (like me) just attached the Dr title to whatever surname they were using. Don't really know anyone who uses a different name at work to personally- they either changed it for both or neither. I think all medical doctors just have to maintain a current registration with the GMC under whatever name they are using professionally.

I am also CPFA now after a further 3 years post- postgraduate study!