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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

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Original poster

Random men speaking to you

767 replies

enimmead · 02/12/2012 09:38

I'm sure men don't randomly speak to other men in the street. Strangers. So why the hell do they feel they have to speak to random women. I don't think it's got anything to do with chatting up.

Yesterday, I saw a 20 something bloke with his mates slip in front of me on the ice. As I got out, he said "Hi love, did you see that!!!" I'm could be his mum bit older than him. Why speak to me? I just smiled but I bet he wouldn't' have said anything if I'd been male.

Just walking down the street, other side of the road bloke smiles and says "Hi love". No idea who he was.

Do blokes do this to other random blokes?

OP posts:
digerd · 22/12/2012 09:25

Ah yes, that dreaded age when a woman becomes "invisible". Especially for those who previously revelled in the attention they received. < didn't apply to me, though>

digerd · 22/12/2012 09:27

ps
Just going to look for the "tits on the phone", may or not be interesting?

Peterpan101 · 22/12/2012 09:39

I think its a new one from Scissor Sisters??!

digerd · 22/12/2012 10:01

Thanks Peterpan
I was thinking I should get out more.!

Like your posts btw

TheFarSide · 22/12/2012 12:03

In response to a comment upthread about women afraid to go out alone, I seem to remember that statistically it is young men who are more likely to be attacked on the street than any other group.

Latara · 22/12/2012 13:05

I'm not afraid to go out alone; but i don't feel happy about my Dad or male friends going out alone at night or in certain places.

That's because what you say TheFarSide is true.

But ironically all the men (& many women) i know believe the opposite. But i refuse to stay indoors when it gets dark & i don't drive (health reasons).

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 22/12/2012 13:12

What a weird thread!

What on earth is wrong with a man talking to a woman! And what the hell does that have to do with feminism anyway! I thought feminism was about equal rights? Not how women are some precious dainty little things who are frightened of those men creatures who dare to speak to them in the street!

Perhaps all women should go out with a male escort just in case . . . Oh hang on that reminds me of somewhere . . .

garlicbaubles · 22/12/2012 19:17

So if all you "confused" people are right and thousands of women are making a fuss about nothing, etc ...

Why has no man on this thread yet agreed to either:

Pre-evaluate all remarks to women according to the "18-Stone Brickie Test"
or
Speak & behave to all men exactly as they would to a woman (substituting 'mate' for 'love' dependent on local mores)

for as little as a week?

Worried about anything??

Xenia · 22/12/2012 19:33

The thread gives loads of examples of the constant barrage many women suffer week in week out from men. Obviously some people may not notice it and some may not be subjet to it but it does exist.

Latara · 22/12/2012 19:39

If random men didn't try to flirt with me then no-one would ever (sob) - cos i don't know any nice single men.

Plus i can deal with them easily if their attention is unwanted by me.

But it rarely happens anyway.

Btw i get women & girls locally calling me 'love' because it's a 'local' thing to say, like 'mush' or 'mate' (also get called 'mate' by other women, or 'babe, honey' etc.)

Men also call me 'love', & 'mate' but never use 'babe' or 'honey' like women do.

I wouldn't appreciate being called 'babe' by a man except maybe in a bar on a night out! Don't know why.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 22/12/2012 19:54

Latara, I would have thought you wouldn't like 'babe' from a random man as it's mostly used in the context of sexual attractiveness between men and women ("she's a babe", "I Got You Babe" etc) whereas the women who use it with you are using it in a different way as just another endearment.

If you are on a night out, your context may be different ie your sexual attractiveness may be more in the forefront of your mind than, say, the weekly shop as you walk down the street!

Latara · 22/12/2012 20:07

TheDoctrine yes that explains exactly why, i just wasn't sure how to explain it, thanks :)

Latara · 22/12/2012 20:17

I find the worst thing that random men say (to each other; NOT to the woman concerned) is ''look at that'' or ''look at it''...

I would never ever refer to a man as ''it'' or ''that''; it's very offensive & like the woman is an object.

One neighbour calls me (not to my face) ''that bird'' which is almost as bad but he can't be bothered to remember my name (i bothered to learn his name).

I'm glad to say i've not recently been called 'it' or 'that' within earshot, but i want to smack every man who i hear saying those words in reference to other women.

If it's a man i know then i do tell them it's an offensive way to talk about women.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 22/12/2012 20:18

Ugh, latara, that sounds grim.

Latara · 22/12/2012 20:27

Yes, it is grim; & that's why i can't get so upset about 'random men speaking in the street' in a fairly inoffensive manner - when there are still lots of men & boys who think it's ok or harmless to be so offensive in using those terms to describe any random woman (within her hearing or not).

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 22/12/2012 20:40

But latara it is all part of the same thing. Some examples are mild, some examples are severe. .

inde · 22/12/2012 20:47

*Why has no man on this thread yet agreed to either:

Pre-evaluate all remarks to women according to the "18-Stone Brickie Test"
or
Speak & behave to all men exactly as they would to a woman (substituting 'mate' for 'love' dependent on local mores)*ve already

I have already said that I don't treat women without respect, ever. TBH though to expect men to talk to women as they would an 18stone brickie is totally unreasonable and I would guess that most women don't want that anyway.

BTW In my more than 60 years I have never heard a man refer to a woman as it.

kim147 · 22/12/2012 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

inde · 22/12/2012 20:49

I wish there was an edit function. I've messed up again and I haven't even started on the wine yet.

inde · 22/12/2012 20:52

I have heard that Kim but I would think it's just about possible that two women talking together might say something like that about a man. They wouldn't be admiring his boobs of course.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 22/12/2012 20:55

Right, inde. So you HAVE heard a woman referred to as "that". You just didn't recognise it until Kim gave you further context.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 22/12/2012 20:56

Inde, you have understood that the 18 stone brickie test is a test of whether you would make the same comment to someone you might find physically intimidating, right?

inde · 22/12/2012 21:02

I hadn't said that I hadn't .Xmas Confused

I didn't need context. I can imagine two women staring out of a window at passers by and saying look at the butt on that. Maybe it doesn't happen often but then I wouldn't say that I have heard men say similar that often either. It would be out of earshot of the woman anyway unless the man was a total plonker.

inde · 22/12/2012 21:06

Inde, you have understood that the 18 stone brickie test is a test of whether you would make the same comment to someone you might find physically intimidating, right?

Yes.

TheFarSide · 22/12/2012 21:07

The 18 stone brickie test doesn't tell us much. I guess the idea is that a man might say "nice day" to a woman but not to an 18 stone brickie because the latter might take offence. That doesn't mean the man is exerting power over the woman, merely that he is avoiding random chat with someone who doesn't look friendly. It doesn't really prove anything, does it?

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