Changing your surname

[slaner]

I just wondered what everyone's thoughts are on changing your surname after you get married. I got married 2 years ago now but just can't come to terms with changing my name. This would be fine except we've got 2 children and they have my husbands surname so I feel a bit weird having a different name to the rest of my family. Also when I went on holiday, me and my daughter went up to passport control desk together and the man wanted to see my husband passport to prove we were parents, he said if I travelled with kids on my own I would need birth certificate to prove I'm the mum, is it just easier to change my name?!

mmbovary I deleted a lot of stuff from my post, because I was trying not to be too critical of those that craved the titles and accolades; but by trying to see their side of it, it looks like I've agreed with them wanting / using the title. Too much devil's advocate for me . I don't agree with status seekers, in general, but my slight sarcasm about the Queen obviously backfired

I too think most people do charitable work anonymously and expect no reward, other than the pleasure of helping others.

At a previous workplace, someone was made "Sir John" for being a captain of industry / charitable work / name on wing of landmark building etc. His secretary insisted on calling him "Sir John" but all the other minions, including me, went out of our way to avoid mentioning his name, from then on. It was funny, but it was reverse snobbery on our part too. It meant a lot to him, but possibly because he wanted the recognition as he'd not come from a privileged background.

In an equal society, how does achievement get recognition? Can everyone be purely altruistic, with no need for status symbols?

I have mother's surname not fathers as they were not married, I didn't change name when got married. I love my surname, its really pretty.

Expecting DD in three weeks and we've decided to use my pretty surname as a middle name. DH really wants her to have his surname as he's the last in hs line (only boy) even though it's not te nicest.

He was fine about not changing mine though. Said he doesn't really get the why anyone would want too. And tbh neither do I.

girlwiththemouseyhair I've had that David Bowie song running around my head since yesterday now, but still can't reach the top notes

I kept my name when I married, it's "me" and I didn't want to change it. DH was cool with this, never pressured me and was fully supportive. My whole work identity - and much more - is tied to my name and I like it, it's also a link to my parents and roots. It certainly makes it very easy to spot a telemarketer: "Hello can I speak with Mrs. ". My older relatives don't get it though, and every year I receive Christmas cards addressed to Mrs. - I'm not offended by it, I understand for them that's how they see it and have no intention of picking a fight. In fact my grandmother to this day still mispells DH's family name, oh well. Interestingly I still can't get used to my sister's 'new' name though she's been married for over 15 years now.

We gave our boys DH's last name, I'm fine with this - did not want to go the double-barreled option, I find it awkward. While I wanted my family name for me, I've got no problem with them using their father's name, is it society expectations? is it because my last name is foreign? is it because they're boys (though don't feel different for girls)? is it because they're the next generation - I can't really pin it down but it did feel 'simpler' and I'm happy for my brother to have the responsibility of carrying on the family name into the next generation (he too has two boys, conveniently). We did discuss options at the time of their birth and again DH was open, though I expect he's secretly pleased. I've never had issues at school or travelling, different surnames are so common everyone seems to take it in stride.

I've kept my surname. There was never any question for me of changing it - he doesn't own me! I have dual identity, and my second nationality always use both parents names (its wierd not to have 2 names in that culture) so I have taken my husbands name after mine on that paperwork, and my son has both our names - its not faux double barreling, its so he fits in culturally. Anyway why shouldnt he have both our names? On official paperwork he has both names, but usually just goes by his dads. I have no probelms having different names and I enjoy a chance to bring up the point - why should I have a man's name or a title indicating my marital status?