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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

In this day and age! A thread for unbelievably obvious examples of sexism.

432 replies

blackcurrants · 18/09/2012 12:31

A thread for "I can't believe that just happened to me! In this day and age!"

Yesterday we spent about 40 minutes in a Toyota dealership, looking to spend about $10k on a used car. The salesman only asked DH's name, only wrote down DH's number, and only talked to DH about the cars available. DH kept referring to me, asking my opinion, and generally looking uncomfortable. Eventually DH snatched back his license from the salesman and said "No, I don't think so. Let's go." And as I turned I added "Joe? Thank you for your help today. I work in sales and I wanted you to know that since I walked in here you haven't asked me a single question, or addressed me directly even once. At one point you walked away from me, talking to my husband about the next car you were showing us, so that I couldn't hear what you said. I just want you to know that I earn more than my husband (actually not yet true, but soon will be!), I know more about cars than my husband (v.true), and you acted like I didn't exist. Which is why we're leaving."

When I got into our car, DH was cheering. We drove 5 miles away and bought a nissan.

As we were doing the dishes last night, talking about this, DH said "I do hope you tell Mumsnet about it." Grin he knows me so well.

OP posts:
nickeldaisical · 27/09/2012 11:41

wow Hazle Shock
Maybe it's us that are backwards, or radical, by trying to change the world?

I think I'll shut my shop now and go back home and start cooking and cleaning.

HazleNutt · 27/09/2012 12:02

Ridiculous, isn't it nickel? The story was very positive though, everybody was happy, no negative comments. But ended with "unfortunately the pre-school next door has not adopted the same policy..". So the poor kids who are used to playing with whatever they want, using tools and cooking, go to the next level and are again firmly directed to appropriate pink and blue corners. Sigh.

Why? Why does anybody think it is in any way a good idea?

nickeldaisical · 27/09/2012 12:44

that's probably the worst aspect of it. :(

I wonder how many of the children attempt to follow the same as they've been allowed when they go up and how many "conform"?

UptoapointLordCopper · 27/09/2012 12:49

I am really irritated by the apologising for swearing thing as well. I usually get round it by swearing more, but from now on will steal blackcurrants' idea and ask if they think they are trying to point out the difference and exclude me. That is going to go down so well. Grin

HazleNutt · 27/09/2012 13:34

Well if you have been told your whole life that you can only do x, of course you're less likely to suddenly start doing y instead.

Nursery will tell you that you should not play with legos or build anything. This is for boys.
School will tell you that girls are not good at math or physics.
Your career advisor will tell you that you should consider a career in teaching. Or child care or hairdressing, possibly. Remember this? www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-475192/Careers-advice-letting-girls.html

And after all that they conclude that we have so few female engineers because obviously, women are just naturally not interested in that kind of careers..

PfftTheMagicDraco · 27/09/2012 13:59

have Tesco changed their magazine policy? Because they haven't in my local Tesco. I was thinking about this the other day -

Women's magazines - shit gossip rags, home magazines, cross stitch and baking.

Mens magazines - computer games, films, cars, bikes, all sports, anything interesting basically.

Fucks me off something chronic.

IdCalUaCuntBtUvNtGotTheDepth · 27/09/2012 15:03

Ah. So I have. Blush I really should learn to watch my language or my kids are going to sound like pirates before they start nursery

nickeldaisical · 27/09/2012 15:12

I wonder if that's the reason why my careers advisor at school was reluctant to listen to me with my career choice, Hazle.

I wanted to carry on and do A-levels because I wanted to be an engineer. For some reason, I was told that it was a bad idea to do maths and physics and German at A-Level as it narrowed my options. I wanted to include German because Germany was, at the time, the forefront of engineering in the world - everything was designed there, and I decided that if I wanted to be an engineer, it made most sense to speak the language of engineering.

I can't remember exactly what happened then, but I'm sure I was being led in the direction of doing a vocational course or apprenticeship in order to be an engineer [guffaw]
Obviously, the only career in engineering was car mechanic... Wink

I was rung as soon as my GCSEs were over by a woman from the YTS trying to sign me up for "engineering".
(desperate to get girls into engineering)
I didn't want that kind of engineering - I wanted the proper stuff!!

nickeldaisical · 27/09/2012 15:13

sorry, I realise that waffle was a complete tangent and nothing to do with the article....

Original poster
blackcurrants · 27/09/2012 15:27

It's a fascinating insight, though Nickel

OP posts:
captainmummy · 27/09/2012 15:31

Idcal - because you went to enormous lengths to include a (in my opinion) hardcore swear word in your NN and I wondered if your essex DH was offended. I find it offensive, because it's one of the few words that still shock me now (in my old age).

IdCalUaCuntBtUvNtGotTheDepth · 28/09/2012 02:31

Well if you're offended by it you should probably leave mumsnet altogether tbf as it's used pretty frequently. I recently saw a fb status that said, "I would call you a cunt but you haven't got the warmth or depth" which I found hilarious... had to work it in to my name some how.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 28/09/2012 08:48

Pfft and Belfast I just checked Twitter and Tesco are going to change all signs by Oct 15. They have already done it in the one near me so didnt realise it wasn't everywhere!

InfinityWelcomesCarefulDrivers · 28/09/2012 08:53

No one is replying to my thread so I thought this would be the place to link it - "news" item on local radio station about mums having to get organised so they don't crash into all those men driving perfectly to work.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 28/09/2012 08:58

Infinity your link is broken...

InfinityWelcomesCarefulDrivers · 28/09/2012 09:03

oops sorry, not sure what happened, it's this one

WeatherWitch · 28/09/2012 09:17

DH and I work for the same organisation and both travel. If we have children, they will make sure that only one of us goes away so that there's one available to provide childcare. We've already agreed that after DC1 is born, I'll carry on going away and he'll stay at home (not least because he's been away most of the past 10 years and is utterly fed up of it, whereas I've had it pretty easy). Every time I mention this in a formal context, I'm told "You'll feel differently about your career once you have babies" (well yes, probably - but you're not saying this to DH are you?). Last time I was told "You and DH need to sit down and make a decision over who carries on going away." WE HAVE!!! I JUST TOLD YOU WHAT IT WAS!!! Just because it's not the answer you want/expect doesn't mean it isn't the answer. Grrrr.

HazleNutt · 28/09/2012 09:19

Ah weather you didn't understand, obviously you need to make a different decision.. Hmm

InfinityWelcomesCarefulDrivers · 28/09/2012 09:22

ahh Weather you'll feel differently when the baby is born...

only joking, sorry

GuybrushThreepwodWasHere · 28/09/2012 10:31

Weather I get the same reaction...

'Your DH is doing some childcare... that's awfully kind of him'

err... no... that's just him being a parent!

and on that note... Progress

drjohnsonscat · 28/09/2012 10:38

Yes you will feel differently when you have a baby - you'll be even keener to get away and will probably have to fight off DH over who gets to do the overnight stays in a hotel Grin. Nothing better imho than a baby at home being looked after while you are in a hotel with peace and quiet and breakfast alone.

TakingTheStairs · 28/09/2012 10:40

Yesterday... only fucking yesterday, one of the Partners where I worked was incredulous because the temp I've hired as an office junior to do the lunch runs, make the tea etc is a guy.
Him - You can't have a male secretary, that's ridiculous
Me - He's not going to be a PA, he's doing the jobs that you said we needed someone for. Keeping an eye on the kitchen, grabbing the lunches etc
Him - surely we should have got a chick for that.

A chick!!!!!!
And now because I refused to back down and look for another candidate, the new guy (who hasn't even started yet!) is being referred to as my "toy boy".

I want to smack the Partner. As I explained to our (female) C.O.O., I don't expect to change his caveman attitude but I do expect him to know what he should and shouldn't say in the workplace.

And for the record, I'd love to change his attitude but one step at a time. This guys is also very proud that he has never changed a nappy and his child is 16 months old. He thinks it makes him more of a man.
My eyeballs hurt from rolling my eyes so much.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 28/09/2012 10:44

Weather how about an email "As per our discussions on XX september, I am writing to confirm that after my return from maternity leave, XX will be happening." Then any further comments you can refer them back to your email.

drjohnsonscat · 28/09/2012 10:47

I have a male PA (who is great). I have to encourage others to allow him to serve teas to guests at meetings. Somehow it makes them uncomfortable.

InfinityWelcomesCarefulDrivers · 28/09/2012 10:56

In fairness, it makes me feel very awkward when anyone serves me. Which is stupid I know. I'd probably be less bothered by a man doing it though.

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