In this day and age! A thread for unbelievably obvious examples of sexism.

[blackcurrants]

A thread for "I can't believe that just happened to me! In this day and age!"

Yesterday we spent about 40 minutes in a Toyota dealership, looking to spend about $10k on a used car. The salesman only asked DH's name, only wrote down DH's number, and only talked to DH about the cars available. DH kept referring to me, asking my opinion, and generally looking uncomfortable. Eventually DH snatched back his license from the salesman and said "No, I don't think so. Let's go." And as I turned I added "Joe? Thank you for your help today. I work in sales and I wanted you to know that since I walked in here you haven't asked me a single question, or addressed me directly even once. At one point you walked away from me, talking to my husband about the next car you were showing us, so that I couldn't hear what you said. I just want you to know that I earn more than my husband (actually not yet true, but soon will be!), I know more about cars than my husband (v.true), and you acted like I didn't exist. Which is why we're leaving."

When I got into our car, DH was cheering. We drove 5 miles away and bought a nissan.

As we were doing the dishes last night, talking about this, DH said "I do hope you tell Mumsnet about it." he knows me so well.

I have a friend who told me just this week that her husband would divorce her if she encouraged her son to do ballet.

I would have to divorce him just for saying that.

I knew I really liked one of the school mums when she brought her 2 yo DS to a party in a princess dress, much to her husband's dismay. He's a lovely little boy and I thought it was delightful to see him want to copy his big sister and be in that gang, without any sense of it being unacceptable. Lessons were a) girls are copyable and cool and b) I can do and be who I want.

DH is a sahd and I am sick to death of comments. 1) People assume he was made redundant and I had to go to work - people don't seem to be able to comprhend that this is a choice we both wanted and decided upon from our own free will (even my own family don't get it) 2) When DH does my daughters hair in plait and people get all amazed and comment about how well he is doing - would peple compliment a sahm on putting a plait in her daughters hair? 3) People are always amazed that he does the lions share of the housework saying stuff like "you have him well trained" - he is at home full time while I work of course he does the lions share as did I when I was a sahm. I could go on but I will start to bore people....

Also it annoys the hell out of me when we pay in restaurants I almost always pay as the sole earner, I leave my card on the bill, the card that has the name "MRS E A Dead" and yet everytie without fail they hand the terminal to DH for the PIN....Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Wigeon your Fb friend might not be at the helm of feminist thinking or imaginative parenting, but it sounds as if she's doing her best and moving in the right direction. Why the need for a 'put down'?

people compliment me when i put fish plait in my daughters hair....

I have also complimented other mums on their plaiting skills.

Iran appear to have cut degree places for women by 50% on certain university courses (eg mechanical engineering) and is expecting them to do things like art instead, or stay home and have babies. Doesn't get more sexist than that.

it depends on the type of plait.

bog standard three tail plait, i wouldn't compliment anyone! but a french plait, yes, i would compliment it and ask them to do one on me

Last week I was opening a new business bank account.

Bank: So you want to open a business account, I have forms here to fill out
Me: Yes thanks, I'll fill them now so will I?
Bank: Oh you can take them with you, we need all signatories to sign the forms
Me: That's ok it's only me.
Bank: Your the owner? We need explained slowly as I clearly look dumb as pigshit everyone that puts money into the company to sign the forms.

Me: Yes, it's just me.
They agree it would be better to fill out form there and then

Bank: Oh your married? does he not need to sign, we need all signatories on a business bank account to sign the forms.
Bank: Are you the sole owner?
Me: Yes. It's. Just. Me.

So i got the bank account opened, the walk back to the lift was a rather interesting odd conversation on their side about girl power and women doing it for themselves. Would a man have had the same reactions? Not in a million years.

yet another reason why i didn't change my name.
i know it's sexist, but having Ms as a title just seems to get more credit (not literally, obviously, i don't use my title to borrow money )

You can change your name and still be a Ms, there is no law about using the title.

yes, I know that, I meant that most women who change their name take Mrs.
plus, you can read it as a separate point if you like, but Ms gets more credit than Miss or Mrs.

I think all women should be Ms, I don;t understand why the world needs to know whether I am married or not. Mr is used on all ages of male.

Snarkle - OMG, OMG, OMG. The idea of the 'girl power' convo is making me cringe to the core of my being. But it does sound sort of hilarious, in a toe curling 'Office' type way.
I absolutely agree, captainmummy WRT Ms. But I guess there are some women out there who want to be known as Miss or Mrs.
I sometimes think I can hear an intake of breath when I say over the phone that I use 'Ms'. This is something that puts my teeth on edge.

I run a small business with my DH. We make a product that is generally perceived as a male product, but don't get me started on that.
Get everyday "Can I talk to the boss?"
"Yes, that's me"
"Oh, oh really?" all the time. But by far the worse example was a phone call -

Man on Phone: "Hello, I need to speak to the company director"
Me: "Yes, you can speak to me"
MOP: "Sorry, I need to speak to him. What is his name?"
Me: (in a light pleasant tone) "Or her name. You can speak to me, I'm one of the directors"
MOP: "Yes, I really need his name - the company director"

Me: "I am Ms Pacificjade; a director of this company."
MOP: (obviously writing down name) "Mr Pacificjade. So he's the director?"
Me: (slightly impatient tone) "Not Mr, Ms. I'm Ms Pacificjade. I'm the director. You can speak to me."
MOP: "To you? Really? So you make decisions?"
Me: (more impatient tone) "Yes, that's right, I do."
MOP: "Oh, um, OK. Can I interest you in blah, blah blah?"
Me: "No, you can't. Perhaps you'll find a less sexist attitude will help you on your next sales call."

pacificjade (and others who describe similar experiences where you're super tolerant of someone who's struggling to get their little head around the fact that you have status/expertise/responsibility, etc.)
Could it be that your patience is actually working against you?
By that I mean, I wonder what would happen if by, say, the second time you get your "No, I want to speak to the manager, what's his name?" (or whatever), you abandoned the polite explanations and went for something along the lines of:
"Yes, that's me. What do you want?"
Could save time and disabuse these people of the illusion that they're speaking to some nice little lackey who hasn't understood them. (May also conform more to their expectations of a manager/director - i.e. as someone with little time to waste chatting to numpties.)

LastMango - she did that, though, she said "you can speak to me, I'm one of the directors"

I know, nickel. But that's still v nice and polite, you see...
(Or perhaps I'm reading a 'tone' into words on page. I'm just thinking that an air of impatience rather than largesse can be helpful in these sorts of situations.)

ah, i see, you think she's being "oh, you silly person, let me explain that nicely to you again" instead of "ffs how hard can it be?!"

I agree, but in business, you tend to be very customer service trained, and it's soooo hard to be rude to people"

I always regret being nice though. And I resent being made to feel that I am somehow in the wrong - "if only I had been more assertive or said such-and-such then maybe they would not treat me like that" type feeling. But clearly it's not my fault. Eg. with OP someone earlier wanted to know how assertive she was in the beginning of the car-buying business. Even if she was behaving like a timid little mouse hiding behind her big brave DH's back (which she wasn't ) there is still no call to treat her like she's not there, is there?

Recently I have been a lot less nice. I recommend it. It is very liberating.

True Last, but if you are running a business you are probably aware that the person on the end of the phone could be a customer or potential customer...

ooh sorry. Reading an old version of the page when I posted .

I recently bought Merlin passes for my family. I filled out the forms, I put my name down as main pass holder and my dh and kids as additional pass holders, I paid for them all with my card and I am the one who mainly takes the kids places. So does the Merlin Pass magazine come through addressed to me? Or Mr and Mrs Chick? Or the Chick Family??

No, it is addressed to Mr Chick. Makes my blood boil!

After returning to work after maternity leave with DD2, both DH and I decided to go on a 4 day week - so we would each have a day with the kids. DHs (female) boss was supportive, but one of his male colleagues cannot understand why a bloke would want to do a four day week to spend more time with his kids.

Colleague has actually asked 'why won't your wife do it', and 'I wouldn't if I were you, it'll mess up your pension contributions.' And without fail he will try and organise a meeting every week for the day DH is off, and then will remark, 'oh I suppose we can't meet on that day because you are babysitting.' Grrr.

MrBloom what a wanker that colleague is!

Can I record a small triumph for the National Trust then - recently joined as a Family, I did the form, paperwork came to me and the cards are Ms MyName, Mr HisName, Family.

I am aghast at some of these tales! I feel really fortunate that after 6 years in Belgium I cannot think of a recent example of casual sexism. I think 2 things really help - here family is seen as more important than work - in a general sense, and also women do not change their name when they get married. The company I work for (ICT industry) is pretty good and actively tries to recruit/promote women - or at least they say they do.

It is about 70/30 split overall - but women hold a relatively higher % of management roles. A large part of the workforce though is in the field - laying cables, installing internet/phone lines etc. I guess these jobs are not traditionally female ones....The only issue I have ever had at work is that I don't speak dutch - and the twat who made a huge fuss speaks both french and english perferctly well. He just wanted to make a point.