Male nannies/childminders

[Lottapianos]

Just listening to a discussion on the radio about male nannies. The general feeling is that having men work with young children is a good thing. No argument there!

However, the reason given is not because men are 50% of the population and it's good for children to spend time with both men and women so they can start to see both sexes as equal. The reason is that 'men and women play differently' - men are more 'rough and tumble' and kids love that Oh and some boys are growing up without a man in the home and they need a male role model in order to develop normally and not grow up gay. Or something

I really do get sick of all this essentialism - men do this, women do that - in the same way as I can't stand people talking about how boys and girls are inherently different. I really think that putting people into boxes based on their biological sex is stifling and unfair - what happens to people who don't 'perform' in the way they are expected?

Any thoughts on this issue?

You're talking about someone who actually posted their abuse here Exotic. Don't be so callous.

Exotic - You are blaming a child for not reacting how you think she should have reacted. The majority of children would not react in the way you describe. they would be confused, perhaps frightened.

You are coming across as callous in the extreme.

Of course Exotic, you ARE blaming her. You are saying this is how you should have reacted to stop it. You are blaming a child for not reacting how you think she should have reacted.

Exotic - Yes every parent needs to encourage their child to do that. But the majority of children do not. you need to have an understanding of how children react in real life. Read stories of children who have been abused, including those in public spaces. Children rarely react as you think they should.

exotic - please stop. you are victim blaming to the extreme, totally unacceptable in the fwr section.

So what other harm reduction process would you put in to reduce the risk to a child of abuse from men (who are not family)?

There was that awful story about a boy who was attacked in a male toilets.
Would you not let your DS go to the toilets unaccompanied?

We do teach stranger danger. I do think it's important for a child to understand what is inappropriate and how to react. But I also fully understand how a child would freeze in such a situation.

There has to be a balance between protecting children from paedophiles and going over the top on that protection - which I personally think the airline policy is.

Exotic I've reported your posts because they go way beyond bullying. I can't think of a word to describe how cruel what you're posting is. I SERIOUSLY hope you're posting out of ignorance, not because you truly believe this crap. I seriously hope you get a warning from MN or something.

Booflebean, if you're reading this PLEASE ignore this poster. She is 100% wrong. We Believe You. It was NOT your fault OR your responsibility to prevent the attack.

((Un MN-like hug))

Yes booflebean, you are not to blame! I am so sorry that when you were brave enough to share what happened to you, another poster posted these vile comments in response.

Children do not shout and scream. They are confused and frightened and usually do nothing or exactly what their abuser tells them to do.

My thoughts are with you.

cantthink - I wouldnt have an issues with children going to a toilet alone - as long as they are old enough to manage and the toilet is not in a dodgy place. We all assess the level of risk we are willing to take for us and our families.

But changing seat in a plane is a tiny action that is a sensible harm reduction strategy to me.

Would you employ a young, black man? Because statistically they are more likely to have a criminal record or criminal tendencies? It's a sensible harm reduction strategy that might stop you being murdered or burgled?

Ok - it's very unlikely. But that's what labels do. What do you think when you see a group of teenagers, a group of young black men? You label them - and that label sticks.

It may be a tiny action to you but it's reinforcing the label some people have about men. I don't know if you have a son but would you want him labelled as a potential rapist, abuser or paedophile?

Yes I have employed young black men. And put harm reduction strategies in place like taken up references and looked at job history. My understanding of young black men is that they are not more likely to have murdered unless they have been active gang members. And yes i would be unlikely to employ someone who had been an active gang member - especially recently.

All of us use broad judgements like this to protect ourselves and our families. So walking down the steeet at night and I see a group of teenagers talking quiety, I would carry on walking. Walking down the steeet of night and I see a group of teenagers drinking and being loud, I would probably cross the street and walk on the other side of the road.

Of course that second group may be fine. But that is simply a sensible strategy to protect myself and causes no real harm to the group of teenagers.

I was a Mod in my teenage years with a big ex army parka. Old ladies crossed the toad to avoid me all the time. i was an extremely gentle and shy teenage girl, but of course I looked potentially threatening to them.

Part of being a parent, especially oif teenagers and adults is coming to terms with the fact that how you view your child may not be how others view your child. And the reality is sadly that as some boys do become men who rape, some mothers would be wrong to assume their child will never rape.

Exotic - I was ASLEEP!!!!! It woke me up. And I DID shout at him, well more of an alarmed "that isn't your seat" I think. He tried to engage me in convo, I didn't engage, he went back to his seat and glared at me for the rest of the flight.

I have just read through this thread. If I had been the man on the plane, I would have moved without fuss simply to avoid upsetting the child. Blowing up into a rage would help no-one. Sadly, the attitudes displayed in here are so prevalent within UK society at the moment that you have to go with the flow, and no amount of losing your temper will alter that.

I suppose the only upside to the current climate is that is gives free rein to some of the people in here to vent their prejudices. I feel sorry for some of you, I really do.

I'm also really sorry for people who fear that men might be child abusers. I wish they didn't have to. Unfortunately, men who abuse children exist, and experiencing that or hearing about it makes people worried. It's understandable.

Getting rid of all male childminders is not a solution, but ignoring the problem while telling others to stop worrying about it is not a solution either!

Exotic I am reporting your disgusting posts.

You need to educate yourself. What revolting views you hold.

Ok my last comment on this - I didn't "work" did it, I had already been assaulted at that point...crime committed, damage done.

Anyway look I'm not upset or offended as I am now a grown-up but would worry about a young person (or not so confident perhaps) reading this and feeling guilt for not making a scene or whatever. Or that it was therefore their fault.