Women subsumed into their children

[Xenia]

We certainly must guard against woman as only mother and nothing else

www.ft.com/cms/s/2/0bf95f3c-f234-11e1-bba3-00144feabdc0.html#axzz25Ieiea9E

I remain unconvinced that it is healthy to be subsumed by anything be that work, family, a sexual relationship.

But if women really want to be all about their DC, then that of course is their perogative. But what is corrosive is the message (often perpetuated by FB etc) that women who do not wish to be all about their babies are somehow lesser mothers.

After all, no one ever takes that view of fathers.

I agree, wordfactory.
I also think that it's reasonably normal to be a great mother without being totally subsumed by motherhood; and that this is irrespective of whether one works outside the home or not.

As a slight aside, I can't stand those sickly twee "if you're happy to be a mummy of blah blah..." spam posts that perpetuate around FB - I love being DS's mother but it certainly isn't all of who I am.

Indeed, it's bad enough that the magazines peddle a perfect life (= full of perfect consumer goods) that is instantly achievable if you have the dosh without individuals publicising their own interpretation of that consumerist perfection on Facebook.

I don't tend to show off. The only reason the island has ever been mentioned is because some women earn pin money and think the height of ambition for womanhood is a salray of £20k a year and it's very useful to know that plenty of women (eg those ont he £1k a day earnings thread) can do quite well at work and have a nice family and that these things are not mutually exclusive.

Loads of people I know have no idea I own an island.

The only reason your island has been mentioned is because you mentioned it: "My twitter picture is a picture of my island near the equator".

How many friends do you have on FB Xenia? and do you follow anyone on twitter?

if i had a friend with a pic of an island i would just think it is a random island, even with a caption i would think yeah whatever, some joke or over my head reference, i wouldnt think it was their island

You can also have a valuable job earning 'pin money' as you call it.

Am always by how much criticism there is of women, on the feminist section!

Pumpster, I wouldn't call Xenia's views on earning power representative of the FWR board and I don't think she would either.

no,mum isn't most important role.its a schlocky and cliched description as that infers a woman importance or usefulness is linked to fertility and maternal role. and if a woman childless is she less important?(as she's yet to full the most important role. you see consigning woman to status of most important person by virtue of being parent is deeply unfeminist. if mum is considered an elevated role does that include all mums, but disbar those not mums. no one gains an elevated status or understanding simply by being mum. I considered myself to be in an important role and useful and fulfilled prior to motherhood.

women are capable of many roles,mother,worker,student all multifaceted and can be undertaken simultaneously. I am not wholly defined by motherhood, or work but I place considerable significance on both activities

Scottishmummy, your post would carry more weight....if you had a different usename ...

but cant you say the same about anything? like career is not the most important role. that links a woman to the chances and opportunities she had in life that may not be shared with others and implies that those without a career are less important.

But if someone feels like that is the most important thing in their life or if in general raising the next generation is fundemental to the well being of society and therefore is a role with major importance attatched to it how can you say that is wrong?

I thought feminism was about supporting women, valuing their contribution to society, and since a large proportion of women have the role of main career to their children, this role should be valued, it would be anti woman to not value it.

are you attempting barbed wit
the humphy wee face doesn't enhance either
next

no I don't elevate mother to most important role.as it's not
that's not valuing motherhood to ascribe such sickly descriptions,in fact it smacks of women know your place - as most important role ti be attained is mutha. how then does one value childless women,are they less valuable?

Chandon

I agree with what wordfactory says here

But if women really want to be all about their DC, then that of course is their perogative. But what is corrosive is the message (often perpetuated by FB etc) that women who do not wish to be all about their babies are somehow lesser mothers.

well other people disagree with you, are they not allowed to think that raising the next generation is a role which is of great importance to society etc?

does it mean if someone says that a teachers role is important they are devaluing those who are not teachers, or a nurses role is of great importance they are devaluing those who are not nurses? if you say the most important job in the uk is the prime ministers or whatever is that devaluing everyone who is not prime minister?

tbh imo you can give value to someone without taking value away from someone else.

we should support womens choices instead of bashing them all the time, this means supporting and valuing the roles that women traditionally do as well as supporting and valuing those who do not wish to do those traditional roles.

If someone wants to identify primarily as a mother, so what? that is up to them.

exactly nailak. i think the important thing here is to value every woman's choice and not deride those choices whatever they may be.
caring for children and the house IS undervalued, and i think should have a more elevated status in society, which isn't going to happen if women continue to undermine other women's choices.

Surely this is also to do with the age of the child? No one puts pictures of their teenagers on Facebook in place of themselves do they?

Women's lives often are subsumed by their children when the children are tiny. I think that is entirely natural. This does not mean the women in question are condemned to a life on the margin of their children's lives forever. When my children were tiny I stayed at home with them. Now they are older I work as a lawyer.

Similarly I can imagine posting a picture of a cute toddler on Facebook but not my 12 year old (although actually I have always used my own photo on Facebook).

I'm not undervaluing parents
i am challenging assertion its most important role.I do find it a cringey cliche the ardest job in world
I am saying it isn't most necessarily most important role, as one can ascribe importance to many roles

it's divisive to judge women's importance by whether or not they are parents
if mother is most important role a woman can fulfil, does that mean being childless renders woman less important,less of a role?

I Don't feel my identity is defined by motherhood, neither is it defined by working.

if a woman wants to define herself primarily or solely as mother,that's her prerogative. it does tie into the op of women who define selves primarily as mothers

Remaining childless renders all human beings lesser, in that they have failed to reproduce - which is the whole purpose of being here in the first place.

Only if you think there is a "purpose".

And many people who do think there is "a purpose to being here" have other opinions on what that purpose is.