Women subsumed into their children

[Xenia]

We certainly must guard against woman as only mother and nothing else

www.ft.com/cms/s/2/0bf95f3c-f234-11e1-bba3-00144feabdc0.html#axzz25Ieiea9E

I like Cherie Blair slot v talented sparky woman

given the new uk poverty research in uk I don't think those families are thinking nowt in fridge but birds song is magnificent,sky blur,Bonnie baby..life's good.a life lived poor is a hard grind

ime people who say it's only money...have it and bavent had the anxiety of not enough. I'm good with money,I save,I have my just in case money.

and for me yes it's important not to financially depend upon partner. that's my preference.we have separate accounts

Well, I agree, scottishmummy that there is certain sentimentality to the blog post. But I am surprised that you don't agree with more of it. You rail against the "precious moments mammas' and here is a piece which articulately expresses why you don't have to be the one doing every nappy change and every lunch box and settling baby for every nap and yet still have a life-changing relationship with your child.

There is an argument that unless you are doing it all, you simply can't build the closeness of relationship that SAHMs feel they have. I loke this post's repudiation of that.

And saying that SAHPs don't need protection.....that's mighty humane of you. Maybe we should ban trade unions because people should just fo and get themselves a better paid, more secure job, rathee than rely on external protection.

workers need union to balance and moderate employer/ institution
housewives don't work.they don't need protection
if housewife wants financial protection or remuneration get a job

sm Wish I was able, like you, to see the issues in such stark black and white. Must make life easier living without ambiguity or nuance.

your union analogy was inaccurate,and yep pretty clear cut to call it
housewives dont work they don't require any protection.end of
if you want to be sentimental about ardest job in world thats fine.dont expect agreement

i think this discussion is getting above my head.
SHAPs dont need financial? protection? from what?

also
sm,if you dont mind me asking,do you see all things in terms of money?
You love your DH from what I have read,you didnt marry him for his earning potential did you?
I am not judging you,just trying to understand your pov

sm
er, if you read the blog post, she specifically says it was not the hardest job in the world (for her). I suspect you might have missed the point in your haste to peddle your tired old line.

Regarding protection, as the blogger is American, I read that to mean increased employment rights, such as better maternity leave (in the US, it is not unuasual to have no paid maternity leave at all) and access to healthcare protection during a leave of absence from paid work.

we met at 18 couldn't have known either career or salary potential
love him v much.we are a team and family. its all about the love
we discussed early when we had kids I'd still work ft.always the plan I'm career minded

The blogger does not say 'financial protection' for SAHPs....she says better wages for paid caregivers. Hence my interpretation that it is about wider protection for SAHPs, not state handouts.

fair enough,glad you are all happy
I always get slightly concerned about seperate bank accounts,but I appreciate that each marriage is different,and what works in 1 marriage does not necessarily work in another.
Totally agree with you that discussing many many things including kids,career,money etc before getting married is the best way to do it.

lol,no I'd worry more about one joint account
my money is mine, his is his
joint for mortgage, nursery,utilities etc

we have one joint account, in my name, one cash card, in my name

and neither of us has any other bank accounts, would you worry about that?

Yes, if DH came home and told me he'd lost his job I would tell him it was okay.

But I am a schmaltzy American. :o

Nailak we have a joint account too, both our names on it though.

would you go and work in interim til dh got another job
if dh were unfortunate to lose Job would you expect him to get another job
re accounts my money is my money,his is his

We have separate accounts and share expenses so we each have a similar amount of 'spare' cash. If he lost his job (as he is likely to in the next couple of months due to the imminent bankruptcy of the company he works for) I would definitely tell him it is ok and we will find a way to work it out while he looks for another job. I suppose that's easier because I work ft too but i do wish he earned more so I could be a sahm or even cut down to pt work. He has no desire to be a sahp but may end up being one at least for a while if he hasn't found a different job by the time this company goes bust.

Money isn't the most important thing. I have had very lean times where I have worried about every penny I spent and yet I was still very grateful for the health of my family and the pleasure we got from the free things in life. If we had to go back to watching every penny (we aren't exactly earning huge amounts but we're fairly comfortable atm) I would find it difficult but it wouldn't be the end of the world as long as we were all healthy.

Of course I would go to work in the interim, ScottishMummy. :)

There's no way (no degree) that I could make as much money as he can, so I suppose I would expect that he'd have to get another job sometime. But we could move if we had to, etc. It wouldn't be the end of the world.

clearly then money matters,as you do have expectation/hope your dh will work
most of us need to earn a certain threshold wage that maintains our expectation,habituation
yes a nice walk in park is jolly,but it doesn't fill the fridge

I dunno, scottishmummy. I have lots of things that I've bought, but I wouldn't really say I was proud of them or that they eflect on me (I'm a human being, not a human having :) ). I like my belongings very much and I've worked hard to earn the money to buy them but there's no effort involved in handing cash over - it's just a transaction.

I also don't think the renumeration provided for jobs necessarily reflects their actual societal value; women fill the overwhelming majority of low-paid but essential positions (cleaners, carers, shop assistants and so on) and many so-called SAHMs are carers etc with no pay at all for this. It must save the economy billions of pounds. Isn't there a Scottish proverb something like "The rank is but the guinea stamp, the man's the good?" If someone doesn't earn much money, or even none at all, it doesn't make them less valuable as a person or make them less happy than someone much richer (I speak from experience, being a single parent and having only found a new, fairly low-paid job 6 months ago after the last company I worked for folded in October 2011). It's wonderful that you can earn lots of money, but for obvious economic reasons, very few people can.

I'm derive a lot of satisfaction from things I've amassed as result working
full fridge, home I like,solvent,yes that makes me happy,

I'm proud of my academic and work achievements.I worked hard for them
I'm v fortunate as many people are financially stretched and struggle and being poor isn't noble it's a dreadful endless grind

im not overly materialistic but yes I'm chuffed with the possessions I have bought as result of working. they give me pleasure.
I derive considerable vocational satisfaction from work and I receive remuneration.
I'm proud that I contribute to my family.

I agree many jobs (mainly public sector imo) don't receive the remuneration they deserve and there's considerable financial inequalities.

I definitely agree that it's things you work hard for, things that need a lot of effort, that make you proud, and you can derive far more satisfaction from the results. If something comes easy, I don't really think it gives the same pleasure.

I think it's a question of how much money is important too. I wouldn't be happy if my child were starving, but I don't care about things like private school or islands.

nooooooooo,dont bring up that i word again!

on finances the mn mantra can be scrimp,knit your own yoghurt,give up work
usually this is female give up work, embrace the value beans,become housewife
male enact traditional breadwinner role,sole wage earner. maintaing and enacting stereotypical domestic roles. mummy housewife,daddy works