Women subsumed into their children

[Xenia]

We certainly must guard against woman as only mother and nothing else

www.ft.com/cms/s/2/0bf95f3c-f234-11e1-bba3-00144feabdc0.html#axzz25Ieiea9E

Yes, I wonder why siome women hate how they look and others don't. I've always been reasonably happy and yet women are much prettier than I am almost have a phobia about their looks which is very sad. May be it's because I don't really watch television or films so I only see normal women at work and out and about.

I dont know any mums that only identify as a mother.Just because they sometimes choose a photo of their children as a profile pic doesnt mean anything.

I have never seen a facebook profile with just pics of children/statuses about the children.

I dont know any mums that only identify as a mother.
I know a couple who are getting scarily close to this - but they aren't on FB . I hope imagine they will come right eventually.

if I met someone who identified as mum only
I'd think they had limited range and/or interests
same as if one identified only as job title

The sole ambition of one of my classmates in sixth form was to become and housewife & mother after she finished her exams. Never quite sure if she did but it was met with stony silence followed by 'you what???' by all on the school bus.

That can sometimes happen if the girl has had an unhappy homelife,and wants a child quite quickly, someone to love,and to love her back.

jammysplodger
well if you knew one girl in 6th form, it's just bound to be a national epidemic. No wonder they are writing articles about it.

I had a friend who thought like that in 6th form, for a variety of reasons.

Now she's older she doesn't.

When I was in 6th form my sole ambition was to be a rock star (despite not being able to sing or play an instrument)

I wouldn't give too much weight to what people think they want their life to be like at that age.

what is wrong with having an ambition to be a housewife and mother? if thats what makes you happy?

Yeh, I agree nailak ...

Having a baby is an awesome thing to be able to do.

I got to do it all twice !

Seeing them grow up is another great blessing.

There's a lot to be said for seeing the miraculous in everyday life.

Having simple ambitions and being content with a simple life all good too ?

I do have other ambitions and other achievements, but they (my DC's) will always be my crowning glory ( I think watching the paralympics tonight has brought out my emotional side )

She had quite a happy homelife from what I remember, we were all just a bit in shock as it was her sole ambition.

I know bring up happy well-balanced children is a great achievement, I've effectively put my career on hold to do so, but even at 17/18 we all knew that's only one part of being a grown-up woman.

I really wanted to settle down and have children as well

I do have a degree mind, but as xenia will let you know I have let down the motherhood by becoming a carer for my severely disabled daughter

When I was younger all I wanted was a husband and children, but I had a horrible childhood and now I'm not even sure I want to get married! Definitely want children though, without question.

I don't think you can really assume most young teens actually know what they want out of life, most of us struggle enough when deciding what courses at uni to apply for!

Even now, my options are consistently changing and I'm learning more and more about myself, my strengths and weaknesses, and what I want to do with my life.

You seem a very wise young woman Lurking and Learning - coming on here before you have your own kids and thinking about future possibilities whilst learning from others - you'll go far young lady

Thank you Juggling!

At 14 I wanted a large family of children and a high paid career and that combination has served me very well over 30 yeras. It is what men want and get and it is very sad that so many women don't have the same choices men have because they are brought up in sexist homes or want to be economically dependent on a man (who will probably later disappear leaving them destitute and their children won't thank them then that they hvae a minimum wage mother).

Huge numbers of children are very proud of their mothers' careers and love hearing about her day. Mummy may be a surgeon and they want to be etc etc.

I've always had the plan - uni,career,kids
and fortunately with hard work it went to plan
I love working. I love being parent

FGS Xenia can't you appreciate that there may have been an element of luck or good fortune in the way things turned out for you ? Even if that's the good fortune of being born with your skills and abilities ?

Not everyone can own an island off Panama you know !

You might try being thankful for all the good things you have, and even more to the point, try to show some empathy for others ?

Maybe you could appreciate that not everyone shares the same life plan, though? And the fact that they don't have the same life as you is not because they have failed to achieve their plan, but that they wanted something rather different (and, dare I say it, more varied and exciting )?

There are also plenty of men who don't want it and plenty more who might want it and don't get it.

Xenia I do agree that we should be making sure careers advice and information are equally aspirational for girls and boys but you must see that not everyone, man or woman, can earn enough to be a HRT or however you are measuring success as there wouldn't be enough child care to go around, for a start.

"and their children won't thank them then that they hvae a minimum wage mother"

Hang on, are you suggesting that kids will judge their parents on how much money they bring home?!

we grew up financially stretched,loved and scraping by
money in bank doesn't = happy.but it sure as fuck helps
and I'd rather not be poor. and yes I value what money can buy for do for us

Xenia, Scottishmummy and Bonsoir all posting at the same time. We're not worthy

I haven't seen you around for ages btw Bonsoir, nice to see you.

Xenia, I am sorry you are so bitter about your divorce, and how this colours your view on men and marriage.

But you should ask yourself, one day, and try to answer in all honesty: Why exactly do I think my way is the only way, and everyone who does not lve like me is doing it wrong...?

As to ambition, I do not earn 1000k a day and I do not ( want to) own an island. To me succes is genuinely not about money.

To me succes is more about having friends and family, support (give and receive), having a happy home ( all members of the family are responsible for that, mind, not just the mum), seeing the world a bit and opening your mind, walking a mile in someone else's shoes, learning a bit of tolerance and humility along the way, getting your priorities right, and also, I agree with you there, to be able to look after yourself financially, have an interesting job that does not take over your life.

I do not want to be a subsumed mum, and I get what the OP is on about.

But neither do I want to be like uncle Scrooge, counting my money and properties, and thinking that is what life is about. That does not inspire me, tbh.

I like your idea of success Chandon.