I really didn't get it

[stargirl1701]

I really didn't believe that people would respond to a woman telling us she had been raped with accusations that she didn't say no or try to get away. How can anyone still believe in this rape apology crap? How can any woman respond to another women telling you she has been raped with this crap? What the hell is wrong with some people?

I really didn't get till tonight.

Neither did i , those sorts are clearly sick in the head or not understanding of what rape involves emotionally and phsysically

It's quite scary that there are still people who genuinely still believe the shit they write.

It's awful, isn't it.

rape myths are very much alive and kicking, and promoted by people like your relatives, friends, neighbours and colleagues

keep spreading the word, and oppose it when you see it

And a big to the people who started the 'I Believe You' campaign, and MN for hosting it.

I would add Police to AnyFucker's list. I am trying to support a friend who was raped on Friday. The police handling of the situation has been shocking and their level of training and empathy lacking. It is clear that some police officers think that what a women wears, where she goes, if she drinks and if she flirts is very relevant and that some women are just "asking for it"

I have spent this morning on the phone trying to unravel the fact that the police haven't given her any support, they haven't taken her for a check,they have failed to get forensic evidence by leaving it too late, she hasn't even been advised about where to access support/counselling, whether she should be checked for STDs or anything. I am so so so angry.

Mini that is appalling

I am so sorry for your friend x

Mini ,and and for your friend.

The way my best friend was treated by the police was appalling. They called her a liar and used every rape myth in the book against her; the way she was dressed, the fact that she was drunk, her dancing that was on cctv in a nightclub etc. It was awful, they msde out she was the criminal! The case was dropped. And he is free to do it again.

Oh Krum, this is what is happening here, the police are saying that witnesses saw her dancing and flirting, having fun and the fact that she was drunk. I have just read the blurb on the law which clearly states someone must have capacity to consent, she can't have consented lawfully, she didn't have capacity because she was drunk. The bastards knew this and the police know this but they are free it would seem to interpret the law just as they see fit.

I do hope your friend is ok now Krum and thanks Any and Million. I'm seeing her later, I just don't know what to say or do to help her, she is so sad and defeated by the police response. They are trying to say she lied.

Would it be worth posting in legal,Mini?

As regards what to say,just sitting with her will help her emotionally,even if you did not say a word.

Mini. It's so horrible.
My friend is doing ok. Shes in therapy which I hope will help.
It's such a hard situation as the police are the people we expect to be able to turn to! Maybe having a lawyer would help? I don't know. My friend was a single mum on benefits so had no access to any other support.

to mini and krum friends. Hope they're recovering.

there was a case about Worboys (cab rapist) where women were suing the Met I think

might be useful?

www.womensgrid.org.uk/news/?p=193

I'm still very confused as to whether I was raped or not, if that makes sense.

Basically I was having sex with my boyfriend & it just wasn't happening for me. I said I wanted to stop but he was welcome to do whatever he needed to do to satisfy himself. I meant for him to wank, I didn't expect him to flip me over & say 'well if you're not going to enjoy yourself at least I will'. I hated every second & cried but didn't say anything. He apologised afterwards but said I had said for him to do what was needed.

I was only 19 at the time & still don't really know what happened, did I consent or not?

Sorry to hijack this thread but another thread has got me thinking about it again.

He still needed to ask you if it was ok
the fact you were crying and he apologised shows he should have stopped
and he knew that
all this shit relies on young women like us being unsure how to handle situations
the responsibility is on the man to check it's ok at every stage, not on us to ensure he knows
for you

Please don't read this as apologizing for people who spout rape myths, more playing devil's advocate for the police. Do you think it possible that the police are trying to gauge these women's ability to handle that kind of questioning?

These are questions that (unfortunately and unfairly) will be asked by a lawyer in front of a jury. If the women can't hold up to the questioning it will be time that could be spent elsewhere with other victims better equipped to handle a trial or more likely to get a conviction? Remember that many women choose not to go forward with a trial as it's a harrowing experience with a low conviction rate.