When friend's disagree

[avenueone]

If I hear or read something I don't find amusing or in fact find insulting, I'm not passive nor do I act like (in the word of the song) astupid girl' and agree so as not to offend and make myself less attractive to the male saying it. But when I am with close friends who do, do any of the above, I am often shocked esp. when they say the opposite when the male is absent and I find it difficult to know what to say to these females without looking petty. One example is when we were in a pool with a guy who has a skin disorder and he himself said he expected women to put up with it but he wouldn't put up with a women who had it and a friend' in justification of his words said that `well men think differently I can understand that' and was totally saying it was ok to be like that.
Guess that is why she is an ex friend now - sadly after 20 years.

She sounds a bit flaky, avenue - you must have been itching to get rid of her... Guess this has really gotten under your skin, though?
I hope you countered her remark (and his) by telling them you'd have to get away before they brought you out in hives...

What did you say to the guy?

This is not a feminist issue. It's a people being two faced and not honest about their opinion issue.

Lynne Truss is truly a great woman.

Yes, I agree with Ecliectic.
Both your friends sound very rash indeed, avenue.

I don't think I've ever come across women who will express one set of beliefs in female company, and then give different opinions in front of men in order to win their approval. And yet I often come across the claim that this is a fairly widespread dynamic amongst women.

I'm sure some women are like this (just as I'm sure that some men are). But I think that the establishment of it as something that is allegedly characteristic of quite a lot of women is rather suspect. It seems to trade on a very negative view of women, of their incapability of genuinely warm friendships with one another, and of their somehow just waiting around together until a man comes into their presence to activate them.

I'm not saying that that is the case with the op in particular. I'm just baffled by the fact that this theme crops up so often.

It's also something that's allegedly characteristic of quite a lot of men, though, Oat.