The Alpha-Parent's latest breastfeeding missive

[WidowWadman]

What a lot of patronising tosh. So she says

" obscures the fact that formula feeding is a deviation from the norm.
contributes to the illusion that breast milk and formula are on an even keel.
weakens legal protection for breastfeeding ('choices' are weaker than 'rights').
fuels Mother Vs Mother dialogue ('The Mommy Wars').
relieves formula companies, health professionals and poor support systems of their responsibility (instead all responsibility is placed on the choice-maker).
discourages individual social responsibility.
sees women as weak and unable to field criticism.
shuts down debate, discussion, activism and progress."

In what way is saying "unless you're doing it my way you're doing it wrong" not fuelling the "mommy wars"?
In what way does she not see "women as weak and unable to field criticism?" After all tons of criticism is heaped on women no matter how they choose to feed their babies.

I've fed my first child for a year and a half, and the second is going that way too. I feel quite embarassed that anyone could mistake my long term breastfeeding for agreement with the above illiberal and misconceived shite.

mini I didn't have any pushy midwives here, they just asked if I'd considered it. Possibly if I'd said I was definitely going to ff they might have done more of a hard sell about it, but I don't know because I was always going to give it a go and see how we get on. The help in the hospital was laughable, really if the baby won't latch then just shoving him at the nipple while he's screaming is unlikely to help, I got on much better when I didn't ask for help. There are bf groups for support but they seemed to be just baby groups for people who happen to be bf rather than somewhere I would go if I was having a real difficulty. So yes I would say that our experiences are very different.

Really Widow - I don't know...... But I have definitely seen posts on MN from women saying just this. And I expect there are far more women who decide against bfing before they even getting as far as discussing it, because they think it will cause them to become less attractive to their partners.

I don't think so Bourbon, I've never really looked before but there doesn't seem to be any easily found on google. It all seems to be anecdotal from smallish samples.

I agree, just running a search on the net and the only research I found was with a small sample of women. What was interesting though is that the researchers found that the issue cuts across socio-economic groups, they concluded that economic status had little to do with choice. So Bourbon you have no reason to feel inferior :) nor should you. With Ds2 one midwife tried to tell me that I only women of lower class choose formula I didn't believe that and I certainly don't now.

Just over 80% of new mums initiate BF so new mums choosing not to are definitely in the minority. This might be down to more complex reasons than having saggy tits or not being sexually available to your partner.

One of my friends chose not to Initiate BF at all with her second baby as she had PND with her first and she attributed BF with being partly responsible for it. Fair play to her.

GoodButNotOutstanding re the author having "different" socio-economic pressures. Better, alpha ones presumably...

Snark aside, I just didn't recognise her reasons for why people formula feed. I would have painted myself as a supported enthusiastic Breastfeeder with a family who did, support coming out my ears. But it didn't work out. So apparently I am one of the unfortunate sheep who fall foul of these miserable socio-economic forces that she is so defly able to sidestep.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

'nuff said.

Smethwick I don't think any woman that starts out with the intention to bf but it doesn't work out would recognise those reasons for ff. Those aren't the only reasons people ff by any means, but they are reasons that people do give for choosing not to consider bf. I have no idea how many women feel that way as that information does not seem to be freely available, all I can base my opinions on are the people I know or the posters on forums. I know a few people in real life that have given those reasons for not wanting to bf, and I have seen a number of posts on different forums giving one or more of those reasons, so I can only assume that the author has met similar people to me, or possibly she has bought into stereotypes, I don't know.

I agree with you that the name Alpha parent implies that she thinks herself better than other parents, and it does rub people up the wrong way. I don't think I can ignore people's opinions because I don't like the name they have given themselves though.

I just do not recognise the idea that women choose to ff to remain sexually attractive and until someone can link a study - not 'oh people post it on MN all the time I will continue to get pissed off with bf preachers like Alpha who feel the need to judge ff-ers so rudely and publicly with nothing passing for fact.

It is an option available to women. Why is this so hard to understand? it's not fucking illegal.

BF might be marginally healthier but in the scale of things, it's pretty equal to smacking, weaning method, education choices, SAHM or wohm, and so on ad infinitum.

But oh it involves women and their bodies so it must be about sex. And men. And control. And women not knowing what's good for them. And women at all times doing what keeps them tied close to their offspring.

The person upthread who compared ff to smoking around children can take a flying leap too.

Bourbon that was me that "compared ff to smoking around children". I only used that as it was a quote from the article another poster had brought up.
I certainly did not mean to say that the health effects are the same, just that there are scientifically accepted health benefits to bf the same as there are scientifically accepted benefits to not smoking around children. Why is it not fair to say that?

I suppose a fairer comparison on the severity of the effects would be to compare it to feeding older children on a diet that consists mostly of processed foods as opposed to a diet that consists mostly of fresh home-cooked meals. Again they are both options available to parents but one is healthier than the other.

I'm very sorry that you felt offended by anything I have said.

I wish in all this we could be honest about how very hard breast feeding is for some women. That is a factor. Oh how I cried over it-like nothing else in my life ever. My sisters, on the other hand, got along with it much better. It just isn't surprising women do give it up, knowing there is a safe, if inferior alternative.

And how does alpha parent know the reasons why women give up, or don't start? Is there reliable research on it? Because none of her listed reasons featured in my thinking when I gave up after 4 months of hell bf-ing DC1.

I too would be interested in seeing reliable research on why women choose to use formula.

Alpha parent hasn't given any references for her list of common reasons women use for rejecting breastfeeding. Are these "common reasons" based on a big survey of women who've used formula? Or just what she thinks based on reading blogs and parenting websites?

"I certainly did not mean to say that the health effects are the same, just that there are scientifically accepted health benefits to bf the same as there are scientifically accepted benefits to not smoking around children. Why is it not fair to say that?"

By comparing FF with smoking you are saying FF is on par with something harmful.

Something being not as beneficial (like FF) is not the same as something being harmful (like smoking). BF may be better but that doesn't mean that FF is actually bad for the baby.

It's like swimming is better than running (works on more of your muscles), it doesn't then follow that running is actually unhealthy.

Do some women really judge other women over the way they feed their baby, seriously?
Why would anyone give the tiniest toss over whether someone breastfeeds or not?
I don't remember this being any kind of an issue when I had DD 22 years ago, people just didn't care one way or another.
I breastfed for a month, got fed up and switched to formula - my baby, my body, my choice.

Women, especially mothers, really can't win, can they?

I think people have overlooked one of the main reasons for FF, many women do it so their partner can help with the feeds and many men love giving bottles to their babies - I tried expressing, it was even worse than feeding and took forever.

Apparently they do, Malificence.

They then call themselves Alpha- parent and lecture everyone else!

The interesting story here is why women judge others as harshly as they do. Alpha's blog is littered with inflammatory posts decrying women for ffing, "proving" that if someone says they "had" to ff they are pretty much lying outright etc, etc and were just afraid of a bit of hard work.

However, interestingly if you go to the sidebar, there is a post tagged "postnatal depression" which tells Alpha's own story of breastfeeding. It will be familiar reading for many, it was for me. When I read it, it made perfect sense of her whole crusade and the strength of her vitriol about women who don't "try hard enough".

If there's a feminist issue to explore here it's why a woman's experience of depression (and a pretty awful feeding experience, to be fair) would lead to her expressing such bitterness and hatred to women who choose to formula feed.

I did just what Alpha did, I persevered with bfing in the face of persistent weight loss and it made me mentally ill. I was very caught up in the idea of needing to be "the perfect mother" and believing that involved breastfeeding no matter what. I sigh at my foolishness now. Formula was never as dangerous to my baby as mental ill-health.

I have just had a read of Alpha's first post about breast feeding and PND, her experience of the first few months of her child's life was blighted by her obstinate desire to breast feed at any cost. Alpha tries to make the case that it was lack of support and bad advice but I am not buying it.