Today I failed as a feminist.

[youngblowfish]

I am a feminist and have a 14 month old DS. DH and I share childcare as my work is flexible and he gets a lot of time off.

Today during an argument, I realised that DH has not cooked a single meal for DS since he was born. Somehow, I shouldered the burden of feeding our child entirely, although we both work FT, without even realising it! How did that happen? Damn you, patriachy!

Just needed to vent - I am really disappointed in myself.

Yes, that makes sense.

This thread is the most depressing discussion around 'feminism' I have ever attempted to read.

It is probably not your fault op - I am sure you are a good person and well meant in your opening post.

I just cannot accept that such a post was being seriously discussed and reacted too. Is life that boring (I suppose mine is actually). I was left with the indelible image of Viz 'Modern parents' discussing who was cooking Tarquins cous cous that day. Maybe I am terribly bitter and jealous, I do not know - I am sure I will be slated and should not post. Slapping down is not my intention but just reading through this thread made me so tired and depressed.

I am a feminist.

Ah, don't worry, bigmouth. You and back can commiserate together and get all self congratulatory about how pointless we all are.

No need to fret about boring lives, though. I can assure you mine is pretty full on and I just pop onto here for a bit of navel gazing.

You don't need to bother if it depresses you.

I actually think that the OP gets to the heart of the matter. Why are women still not putting their beliefs into practice in day to day life. Sometimes it's just easier to get on with it and by the time you get the chance to stop and think about it, you realise that you've only gone and and bloody reinforced the whole gender stereotype.

The problem for me is that I am a socialist before a feminist so instead of patriarchy I often see economics as the driver of inequality. Particularly as class outweighs gender in my analysis of issues even relating to the division of household labour.

But hey, that's just me I do not feel at all self congratulory strangely though I assiduously avoided that very phrase in my earlier post, spooky.

Thanks Back - tbh I was a grumpy old woman last night so everyone ignore the ranty trotsky Granny in the corner!

As you were.

Well, to be honest, Back2two, I am beginning to suspect that it is rocket science because at a societal level, the division of domestic labour along equal lines has not been resolved. And I don't mean if you have made the decision to be a SAHM or to support your partner while they are unemployed or whatever, I mean, in couples where both partners work and contribute to the family finances, you would expect that both would contribute domestically in an equal manner. This is not what happens - a recent survey showed that women who earn more do more domestically, for men it is the other way around. So, men can walk on the moon but generally, they can't/don't/won't clean the frigging toilet?

(and ignoring the request to ignore Bigmouth's post) As for economic inequality, I think that was where I was going with my question about where economic and material factors fitted with Butler's analysis of language as constutive of gender. I don't think gender and class inequalities are mutually exclusive, but I think that gender inequality limits women's ability (at a societal level) to fight for economic equality: historically it has been men who have unionised, even in areas where women were the main breadwinners (such as Lancashire textile mills in the 19th century), because women did not have time, they were too busy looking after children and home as well. Family allowances were opposed in the early 20th century by the unions (mostly men) because they undercut the family wage which allowed men to keep a wife at home. Where did radical feminism come from if not the realisation that women in the 1960s protest movement were doing the stereotypical 'women's work' such as cooking and typing? And so on.

Anyway, I have probably said enough on this thread .

I am not posting now as I am too busy doing housework and making a cake (a very feminist Coffee and choc cake).

Sounds delish. I am trying to work out how I ended up coordinating the entry to the town parade to celebrate the holiday on Sunday, whilst also agreeing to work in the afternoon (and on the bank hol Monday), with the backdrop of dh flying to Romania for the duration, tomorrow. And mil arriving next weekend. And school finishing tomorrow. And three kids who I need to palm off, apparently for three days.

I'm not doing fem threads today. Periodically I resign from the fwr board because I don't have time to Contemplate. they are an interesting diversion when I need to reset my feminist compass though.

Enjoy your cake.