Low level endemic sexism

[wintersnight]

I know this is petty but it's got me riled. I'm buying a house with my husband and our solicitors are routinely sexist. My husband has never spoken to them but the file is called his surname rather than mine; they insist on calling me Miss rather than Ms and I'm on the land registry as the additional purchaser (just as the wife is the additional vendor.)

Do you bother complaining about this sort of thing? Have you ever made anyone stop and think rather than just dismiss you as a feminist crackpot?

I think its worth mentioning to them, just remind them that you are the primary purchaser and that it is disrespectful.

I have found this sort of thing when going out accompanied by my husband to buy a new car. At the first showroom we went to the salesman kept on blanking me and trying to talk only to my husband (who incidently dosent even drive a car). Needless to say we didnt buy anything from there. Funnily enough I didnt find the same issues at the next showroom. Guess where we got the car from?

Mention it. In fact get them to change the name of the file. Who cares if someone thinks you are a feminist crackpot.

Hmm. Isn't it 50 50 whether the file was called your name or his?

Drives me potty too OP. We're selling and I'm about to tell our estate agent that if they send another letter addressed to Mr. & Mrs. X Prospects then I will instruct someone else. I'm girding my self for endless repetitions with the solicitor too, had to send mortgage and contract documents back every time to get things corrected when we were buying last year.

I know there are a lot of people who think these things don't really matter, but then something like a building society goes public and all the money, or the vote, or whatever, goes to the first named person on the accounts who, thanks to such "irrelevant" institutionalized mysogyny, is the man. Not to mention that it is just plain rude to constantly overlook and minimize someone's existence in relation to their partner.

I'm with you on this in part, but have you told them the score? I am a conveyancing solicitor, and we will get instructions from people to buy or sell before we actually obtain title docs from the Land Registry (this comes slightly later on after a file has been opened). We send out an internal "personal information form" at the start so our clients can give us all the basics. (They invariably don't-so it works both ways).

However, I agree that in the main, all the organisations I deal with (other solicitors/land reg/HMRC etc) make these assumptions.

The main people who do it however, are the clients themselves-it never ceases to surprise me how many women appear to defer to their husband/partner and he will sign a document "first". I always notice it. It is perhaps the best single example in my life that shows me how deep rooted and "accepted" sexism is.

Hi Iwantcandy: I see what you mean about the 50:50 thing, and only a rootle around their office would confirm (or not) my hunch that waaaaaay more than 50% of their files for mixed-surname couples use the man's surname.

I think it's the 50/50 thing that's made me hesitant about complaining as it's an obvious defence. But just like Lio I'd like to see how many of their files put the woman as primary purchaser and name the file after her.

I can understand it must be frustrating from the other side as well Patsy but yes I did fill in and return all the forms.

There could be other reasons too. I'm a solicitor and usually when we open a file for two clients we do it in both names, but that might not be the case always. For example, if the secretary opening the file doesn't know how, or if a person's surname begins with a letter where that section of my filing cabinet is full I might open it in the other name, or to avoid confusion if I have more than one client with the same surname

But if they only choose one name wouldn't it make sense to choose the name of the person with whom they have contact . Very bizarre and sexist.

for whats it's worth, my wife kept her maiden name after we got hitched and i regularly get phone calls asking "am i speaking to mr (my wifes sirname) "
i dont think it's sexist in my case they just have the wrong name, bloody annoying though!