'Girlies'

[LemonTurd]

This is how a male friend of mine refers to adult women, for example, "I went to that new gym and the girly on reception booked me in for an induction".

He's done this for years and it's always bothered me. Now I'm discovering feminism and trying to apply it in my everyday life, I want to challenge him on it.

Any ideas?

I should also mention he has Asperger's, so I need to be very clear with him. Hinting doesn't work.

You could say, "how old do you think she was?"

"In her 20s"

"Well, that would make her a woman then".

And repeat each time? Would that work?

Tying it to age as Josie suggests makes it very clear and consistent as well. I had to adopt similar tactics with a former manager who referred to all women, including those older than he, as girls. Consistently pulling him up on it & reiterating that females over the age of 18 were women, he very slowly began to get it.

Aargh! I had this yesterday with our office PA - she came over to me and my colleage and said 'now, girls' - we are both in our 40's - I looked at her and said 'women. We're women'.

Unfortunately my colleague giggled and said 'ooh, I'm still a girl, you can still call me a girl!' (she's got grown up DC, ferchrissake!) so I doubt my being persistant will do anything...

However, our office PA is also a great one for, when asked about anything remotely technical (which she has the overall remit for in term sof ordering repairs and spare) will put on a goofy look and say 'Ooh, i don't know. Let me see if I can find one of the men to help us' so perhaps I'm flogging a dead horse there.....[aaaarghing emoticon]

OP, agree that consistently pulling him up on it is the best way to go.

While you are at it, can you ask all the women who use it on Facebook to shut the f**k up too? Ta.

I hate it. But it's what my friends use to refer to themselves. Makes me want to slap them with a trout whilst systematically screaming 'I AM A WOMAN' in their face.

Not overreacting at all

Thank you for the feedback. If I hear him say it again, I'll try one of the suggestions listed above.

I hate adult women calling themselves and each other 'girls' I hate 'ladies' too, can't we just be women?

For me, 'girlies' is even worse, it just sounds so dismissive.

Just constantly and ostentatiously refer to grown men as boys to your friend. I did this once and got a right mouthful but at least it got my point across when I innocently pointed out his hypocrisy...

I occasionally refer to "a night out with the girls", but it's deliberate irony as we're all well over 40. Just like "a night out with the boys" means "an evening drink with other grown men who are giving their responsibilities a short rest", it doesn't mean they think they're really under-18s or even intend to act like it (mostly - I hope).

It's another thing if someone else calls me a girl though. It's not flattering, it's belittling. XH called me "Girl" quite often when we were on the run-up to divorce. It was definitely a belittling tactic then. I said if he couldn't remember my name after 25 years he was clearly going senile. (There wasn't a very jolly familial atmosphere going on, can you tell?) He would then use my name the next time he spoke to me, in an exaggerated way, then it was back to "Girl" again.

My run of thumb is only to use 'girl' in a situation where you would equally use 'boy' e.g. girls/boys nights out. Otherwise use woman.

I dislike 'ladies' too, but my dp uses this and I haven't been able to put into words what I find sexist about it, can anyone help with this?

I'm with you Annie - I use that, out with the girls/boys because, as you say, we are far older than girls or boys!

What is so wrong with referring to yourself as a girl?

Fine to refer to yourself as a girl if you want to.

Not fine to be referred to as a girl by someone else, especially when it's used dismissively and patronisingly.

I think girlies sounds quite sweet and I can't see any malice behind it.

Its not your job op to tell your friend what words he can and cannot use.

Girl if your in your 20's may see patronising, if your as old as me it's a complement.

in RL I'd still naturally say "the nice lady in the shop was very helpful."
"The rude woman didn't seem want to serve anyone."

I try to remember to use woman in both positive and a negative sentences on MN, because everyone else does.

"Ladies" is used because "women'' became an insult, indeed an innuendo for 'prostitute' ('loose women' etc) - historically speaking, at least.

Think about the titles: "Ladies and Gentlemen, can we have your attention please?" well it should be :"Ladies and Lords!" or "Gentlewomen and Gentlemen!" - but no, female people got the title elevation to "Ladies" because "Gentlewomen" (women of independent means) had been degraded as a word and come to mean 'prostitute'.

Even now, 'woman' is vaguely insulting, and 'lady' is a naice way to address a women.