To lose more respect for MIL than I thought possible?

[iamboredwithmylife]

MIL came out with this gem: ?Feminism is the worst thing to happen to women. I wish I could be a housewife but I have to work. Feminism ruined it?.

This was not a joke.

This woman is 51 years old and works full time as a nursery nurse in a school and had to go to university. FIL is out of a job and a lazy fucker. SIL is 24 and at university, they all vote, don't dress up or care much about their appearance and demand to be treated with respect.

How would that be possible without feminism? Marital rape, no job prospects, no votes, no university for one. To be a housewife is still her choice. If FIL wasn't such a lazy self entitled idiot she would be able to do this but although having a daughter and two granddaughters, she wished feminism was abolished?

The ignorance. God, I'm just so offended by the woman. DH was offended by this too but stuck up for her by saying it's only her opinion.

AIBU to have lost the little respect I did have for this woman?

I may be BU, I'm a bit miffed.

Nope YANBU at all. I can never understand women who don't "believe" in feminism or claim to not be feminists. Yet they're all right reaping all the bloody benefits feminism has brought though aren't they. They'd be the first ones to moan and whine if it went back to how it was.

She is probably saying that feminism is to blame because she cant face the fact that she is married to a lazy loser.

I wouldnt let it bother you tbh, it is hardly a coherent argument and is coming from a woman who is being treated badly.

I wish I could say that was the caseBogeyface but MIL loves nothing more than cooking for her husband. He's a teacher too but only supply with 'no work' going for six months. He's a good husband though (to her). Uninteresting, teetotal, no friends or social life, spends all his time reading or playing golf on the computer, cheuffers hsr around for hikes, cooks, cleans etc. She loves her life apart from the pesky fact of being a woman which equates to doing your bit and being a decent human being.

It would be much easier to understand if MIL was in an abusuve, emotionally or mentally, relationship but SIL and DH have never said or thought anything like that. Either a great actress or just a bit of a moron.

YANBU and you know it, but yeah, agree with Bogeyface that it's more about shifting the blame away from her cocklodger husband than with feminism itself.

Never fear though - this thread will still kick off with all the usual Stepfords coming on to shy away from any association whatsoever with feminism, and defend her right to totally reject it (whilst reaping all the hard-won benefits themselves).

I kind of feel sorry for her. But I'm proud of feminism.

I like cooking for my family, mainly cos they are all well trained in compliments , but that doesnt mean I am not a feminist. And not wanting to work doesnt mean you are not a feminist. I cant think of many people who would work full time in proper jobs and careers if they genuinely didnt need to!

I do think that she just resents having to be the breadwinner when that job should be shared between her and her husband.

PILs are exactly the same - but she's the lazy fucker who disagrees with education for women (at 16 my goal in life should have been to have her grandchildren and look after now dh). Fil doesn't agree with women working as it is "bad for the economy" (accountant who thinks he is second only to god).

I'm nearly 29, have dedicated my life so far to the nhs and am on my second degree. We don't get on

She sounds like an idiot. Feminism has given her choices not made her work. Without feminism her Husband would still be unemployed, but they would have no income.

I would stand up and be counted as a feminist.

Your post has given me something to be irritated about besides my baby's choice not to sleep tonight.

they all vote, don't dress up or care much about their appearance and demand to be treated with respect.

How would that be possible without feminism?

Well if all you've taken away as a concept of feminism is the choice to look scruffy, then it was a pointless exercise.

One of the downsides of feminism was the profligate mortgages offered post '70's - 5 times joint income, pushing house prices out of normal boundaries. The knock on from that exists today. Women, largely, have to work rather than have a choice to work.

*Choice^ is the key. When choice gets removed people get resentful.

I would be curious if it were possible to interview a 15yo girl from 100 years ago. What do you think her aspirations were? To marry well? possibly a wealthier man? To have lots of healthy children? Possibly the notion of voting wouldnt have popped into her head despite sufferage being in the news.

Fast forward to day. What do you think the average 15yo wants to be? A WAG? (that covers wealthy husband and social mobility within peer group)Children? And I cant find the link immediately, but something like 82% of 18yos are registered on FB but only 44% are registered to vote.And they will never have picked up a news paper, listend to the radio or watched the news on the telly either.

Therefore I deduce that time hasn't altered outlook very much.

Im afraid I'm rather amused that the PIL, who stays at home, ferries her round, cooks, cleans and plays games on the PC is a 'cocklodger' apparently - and exactly what is a woman who stays at home and does all that (apart from the golf games because she's MN-ing all day) - is ther a similar term for her?

Feminist ideals my arse. The same social prejudices towards gender bias are in place that have been there for all eternity.

shes just cross with her own situation thats all

I think there is something in what she says.

The feminists of the 70s/80s i believe de-valued women staying at home by pushing woman to be able to do traditional male jobs - so it made traditional female roles less valued. That's probably why there was a decline of women cooking, sewing, being sahms etc. Those traditionally female things are quite often sneered at (i know as i am a quilter and i get laughed at regularly!). They have only just started becoming more popular again in the last few years.

I get what they were trying to do but now more woman work and have less choice about being able to stay at home and look after their children. As woman are seen more as equals i think they are expected to provide for the family rather than leave it all to the men.

Those that do work (i would guess the majority - me included) are now expected to work, do the majority of child rearing AND do the 'wife' work. I am grateful for the movement as i am able to have a good job but i don't think the feminist movement changed that much. It just made our lives different.

One of the downsides of feminism was the profligate mortgages offered post '70's - 5 times joint income, pushing house prices out of normal boundaries. The knock on from that exists today. Women, largely, have to work rather than have a choice to work.

Choice^ is the key. When choice gets removed people get resentful.

Yes

And what flossymuldoon said too.

We, by and large, don't have choice.

Oh and when I went back to work after the DCs were born, there was a particular member of my family who was ahem, less than supportive of this decision saying that it was my duty to stay at home with them.

However, a few years on I'm now a SAHM for the moment after becoming a victim of the cuts and the same family member asks if I've got a job yet or it if I'm going to let my DH 'keep' me now. The implication being that I should be out earning and contributing to the household.

Damned if we do and damned if we don't by and large.

flossy I am also a quilter. I am also in a fairly high powered job.

In my heart I know that I would jump at the chance of moving to a very small village and spending my days quilting.

The feminists of the 70s/80s i believe de-valued women staying at home by pushing woman to be able to do traditional male jobs - so it made traditional female roles less valued. That's probably why there was a decline of women cooking, sewing, being sahms etc. Those traditionally female things are quite often sneered at (i know as i am a quilter and i get laughed at regularly!). They have only just started becoming more popular again in the last few years

Factor in the mantra of you can have it all - not a job, oh no, but a career! AND own your own home AND children (AND you don't need a man).

Infact you cant keep all those balls up in the air on your own at all. Somepeople (not just women) don't want a career - they like pootling along with no stress in a job. Some people dont want the aggrivation and encumberance of a mortgage. Some people like the tradition idea of a family including a husband.

But the you can have it all mantra went from being an option or choice to being the desired format, forced down our throats by the media - who decided people like Nicola Horlick was the desired aspiration.
Well it worked for her and she was exceptional.

What she probably means is that she wishes for a bygone world where there were more available jobs for under-acheiver men because the expectation was that all the over-achieving women would be at home in the traditional role. She wants that for herself and sees her husband's lack of job as a symptom of women's rights. In a weird roundabout way, she's not wrong.

You are making a lot of sense to me trois, I do think feminism is essential and has had a huge, positive impact on the lives of many women, whether they consider themselves feminist or not.
But a lot of the choice and flexibility that I hoped for isn't there yet.
I'd have loved to have been a SAHM, but the logical choice was for my partner to take that role. So that's what happened.
This is something I have despaired over too:

'I would be curious if it were possible to interview a 15yo girl from 100 years ago. What do you think her aspirations were? To marry well? possibly a wealthier man? To have lots of healthy children? Possibly the notion of voting wouldnt have popped into her head despite sufferage being in the news.

Fast forward to day. What do you think the average 15yo wants to be? A WAG? (that covers wealthy husband and social mobility within peer group)Children? And I cant find the link immediately, but something like 82% of 18yos are registered on FB but only 44% are registered to vote.And they will never have picked up a news paper, listend to the radio or watched the news on the telly either.'

achiever

My Mil is the same.

She once told me in all seriousness that the "woman is the eyebrow, but she needs the eye (the man) to see"

"books and studies are a waste of time, a hobby for single girls, men like a woman who can cook?

But then again, her daughters married up to two wealthy men and are SAHMs driving Mercedes and BMWs living in their own homes, with full time staff. Whilst I am stuck with her loser son, who believes he is entitled to a career-without working for it because he is a man-am the one with the career and doing all the housework and child care and paying for home and child care, because, after all it's women's work. All the while he does virtually sod all. So maybe MIL gets the last laugh after all.

Pisses me off, women who perpetuate sexism then complain about it.

Guys, quit complaining . Nobody can beat my mil for sheer bloody irratitingness. She works 9-5 in a (stressful) job but still insists on doing ALL housework herself. Including decorating and DIY! Fil also works but does not lift a frigging finger to assist. Nothing. Her martyrdom makes me want to shake her.
Took a lot of work to get my dh to see that if BOTH partners work, housework is split.
'Superwoman' are just as bad.

Oh yes, she believes men should be deferred to. In. Spite. Of. All. This. Gaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Little bit judgemental of you to talk about their appearances. Out of interest, are those of us who rarely wear make up thought to be letting the side down?

Wamster - my mum's current live in partner is shit with money (she helped him pay off his debts when he moved in with her - practically not financially) - these were the debts his nasty ex-P had accrued in his name and had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he drinks and gambles .

He can't/doesn't do housework or cook or gardening or decorating.

He'll have a half hearted go at some of the above if she leaves him a list and nags. Well, he's only a man after all - can't expect too much of him.

She manages his money, cooks and cleans for him, reminds him of his children's/grandchildren's birthdays and is bizarrely proud of the fact that he doesn't know which grandchild belongs to which of his children. I think she enjoys the feeling of superiority she has over him.

He is a nice enough bloke, but not sure I'd say he's a catch

But at the same time, his word is law. She defers to him absolutely in everything.

Oh and they both work full time and my mum's registered disabled!

bringmesunshine - or, you could look at it this way... As a non-feminist, she brought up the kind of man not worth having.