To lose more respect for MIL than I thought possible?

[iamboredwithmylife]

MIL came out with this gem: ?Feminism is the worst thing to happen to women. I wish I could be a housewife but I have to work. Feminism ruined it?.

This was not a joke.

This woman is 51 years old and works full time as a nursery nurse in a school and had to go to university. FIL is out of a job and a lazy fucker. SIL is 24 and at university, they all vote, don't dress up or care much about their appearance and demand to be treated with respect.

How would that be possible without feminism? Marital rape, no job prospects, no votes, no university for one. To be a housewife is still her choice. If FIL wasn't such a lazy self entitled idiot she would be able to do this but although having a daughter and two granddaughters, she wished feminism was abolished?

The ignorance. God, I'm just so offended by the woman. DH was offended by this too but stuck up for her by saying it's only her opinion.

AIBU to have lost the little respect I did have for this woman?

I may be BU, I'm a bit miffed.

aldi when i said women earn less i didn't necessarily mean they get paid less for doing the same job as a man. I meant the roles open to women are filtered into lower paid options for other reasons ie 'female skills' (caring, hospitality, admin etc) and convenience (flexible hours round child care/part time).

I think it's a separate issue if someone does the same job for unequal pay.

DP often says to me it's my fault that i don't earn as much as him (as did exH and father too) as i could have chosen a more lucrative career. However, this falsely assumes all choices are equal and all skills are respected equally.

It is not women's fault that society has chosen (often arbitrarily) to compensate some skills more than others. And that those skills happen to be male. Being a feminist to me is not about becoming the same as men, but seeing both genders differences on equal footing.

I don't think any of them were advocating this. I saw their posts as an observation of how feminism has had an unexpectedly adverse effect on women as well as positive achievements. Needs addressing, surely, not swept under the carpet and denied?

That;s what I meant Tanith, and that it is the responsibility of the individuals within a relationship to ensure that there is balance and equality that suits them both.
It is a pity that MN have moved this thread to feminism, as a number of posters who might have had an opinion or wanted to discuss these areas of interest might well also be posters that either don't post here or indeed have hidden the topic completely and be puzzled as to why the thread has vanished.
Pigeonholed again.

- ( ) ( ) --

I've forgotten how you do tumbleweed.

...@ ...@ ...@

innit. Or something like that.

That looks much more rolly.

That looks more like boobs - Dust!

She is ignorant and looking for a scapegoat. Buy her a book on women's history, she will see that women working has nothing to do with feminism.

my mum (she is 62) comes out with some real gems the other day it was it is so annoying when women accuse men of harassment when all they have done is made silly comments and if they are harassing them they should learn how to deal with it. she also thinks that men used to have more respect for women before feminism because they didn't swear in front of women

my mum went off to work abroad when she was 18, has never married and always done as she pleased is not conventional at all so you woudl think she is more supportive of the feminist movement

i have a few friends who think feminism have made things worse for women too and surprise surprise so do their partners

"Buy her a book on women's history, she will see that women working has nothing to do with feminism."

Is that really true?

In response to SGM....

Those who suggest that feminists believe should work and all the childcare and all the Wifework are talking out of their arse.

I never suggested that we should do that for a minute or that Feminists believe that, but that's what seems to happen in most households i know!

Feminists believe that childcare and 'Wifework' are equally the responsibility of women AND men.

Yes and so do i, but not everyone is a feminist unfortunately! I don't believe this is how it should be and i agree wholeheartedly.

Feminists are also not to blame for those of you living lazy, self-entitled arseholes who don't co-parent your children or take equal responsibility for the work required to keep a family safe and healthy.

No they are not but Feminist movement was more about womens roles rather than mens, and i don't think men and how they view their roles have moved on as much as we would all like. I agree with spuddybean that in some ways it let men off the hook a bit.

Oh and Coralanne. I would too. So if you do it, take me with you!!

Whenever I buy anything, my MIL says "oh, spending all dhs hard earned money again are we", she knows full well I earn twice what dh does, but instead of going go on girl, good for you, she chooses to perpetuate the myth that man is hunter gatherer, she also thinks it disgraceful he does all the ironing, some women want shooting!

iamusually - that's really mad! Your MIL's attitude, I mean. How on earth can she call it "DH's hard earned money" when it's family money and you work and earn more than him anyway??
Perhaps it's something that was said a lot to her and it's an ingrained response.

DH tried that one on me when we were still in the UK - except that I wasn't earning twice as much as him at the time, I was earning about £100 a month less than him - he got very short shrift! He'd conveniently ignored any money I was bringing in because I didn't "go out to work" every day. No, I was at home, looking after DS and working from home - somehow that didn't count in his eyes.

In my opinions Feminism can easily go too far, like all the rubbish about disney princess's being bed because it portrays the conventional image of what little girls should be like. :o Yeah, well, not all little girls like that sort of thing do they? And theres nothing wrong if they do?!! Sometimes I think feminists just kick up a fight about something coz their bored, not because they have anything useful or relevant to say...

My sister (28) was advised in no uncertain terms not to report sexual discrimination/comments made to her in the (very old school, misogynistic) workplace by a friend of the same age, cause it 'was to be expected in that environment', and she'd get a name for herself. My response was equally certain. Luckily my sister is capable of taking care of herself and dealt with the colleague (a subordinate as it turns out) in a suitable fashion. I was just shocked that a woman of our age could harbour such ideas.

However my sister did come out with the gem over Christmas that if you become a mother you have to be happy to sacrifice your career, that that was fair. Again my response was pretty , I think my family see me as some sort if militant...which they weren't expecting as I am a SAHM at the mo. Luckily dh thinks this kind of attitude is bonkers too, his face was a picture during both exchanges.

iamusually, I would certainly reply that as you earn twice as much, it was actually DH spending your hard earned money.