AIBU to think younger women should not dye grey hair

[maybenow]

I am finding myself growing more and more angry as i discover just how many women in their 30s and 40s feel absolutely compelled to dye their hair to cover any trace of grey.
I'm more angry as news has come of just how poisonous hair dye is! (see: here for e.g.)

I am blonde/red haired so it's not an issue for me, so this might be seen as hypocritical but i just wish SOMEBODY would take a stand and show that grey hairs are totally normal and does not mean that you are ready to draw a pension. If everybody under the age of 60 hides their grey hairs then each woman feels alone and ashamed and that they have to hide them too, even if it means putting their health at risk and subjecting themselves to harsh chemicals.

I'll freely admit to dyeing regularly. From age fifteen to now I must have had every hair colour under the sun (including unnatural ones) and it's something I regard as part of my self-expression - along with copious amounts of at times very colourful makeup.

Genetically I am unlikely to be getting any greys until my late sixties or so. However I don't see why a lovely bright red should suddenly be out of the question just because the naturals are changing a bit.

I'm not saying that there is no difference between dyeing in order to look younger and doing so because teal is simply a really awesome hair colour - there definitely is at least qualitatively. What I am trying to suggest is that the motives we have for dyeing our hair might be a lot more varied than one would think and that it's IMO problematic to superimpose a common motivation.

I am 37.... No grey.... But I do have a rather spectacularly long white pube like monstrosity that grow out of the top of my head... Do men really go grey later? ? I thought dye aside, women stayed nongrey for longer?

I read that article a few days ago and I think it largely concluded that the patch test was pointless anyway. It's the second exposure ie when you dye you hair that will cause a reaction.

I'm mid-40s and not yet, mentally, ready to make that leap to being grey. I agree that it not only makes you look old but tired and washed out - which, I suppose, is as nature intended? You no longer need to look attractive as you are no longer required to attract a mate.

Whilst I appreciate your general point Bertha, I think it is an over generalisation to say all women dye their hair because society rewards us for it. I don't feel pressurised to dye my hair, my work colleagues, husband and friends couldn't care wither way, and joe bloggs on the street is probably judging me more for the baby sick in my top. I dye it beause I want to, errant greys irrtate me.

Now the fact that I was congratulated on "getting my figure back" post partum had me strangely . (Hence I do understand your point.)

It is not just an age issue - men are not sacked for going grey and women have the double whammy of sexist ageism do deal with.

I dye my hair because I think going grey with very few exceptions, puts you in another lifestage category - not for you, but for how everyone else treats you and the assumptions they make about you. ATM I can get away with shagging men 15 or 20 years younger than me (if I want to - and they do too of course) but if I didn't cover my grey hair, I don't think they'd want to and I'm still at that lifestage, where I might want to shag the odd youngish man. That's not the only reason I do it though, it's also because I know that people would perceive me differently if I were grey; as a little old lady instead of a vibrant middle aged one. I'm sure there will come a day when I will embrace that new lifestage and being treated differently by the rest of the world; but that day isn't here yet.

And I don't do it for me, it's a PITA; I do it because I know that not doing it, will have an immediate and direct impact on other people's perceptions of me, at work, in a club, at the opera - wherever. I think if you're grey and in your twenties, people won't re-categorise your lifestage and therefore their behaviour towards you; but in your forties, they will.

For once I found the discussion on the Guardian web page after the report relatively interesting as it wasn't completely dominated by the usual CIF misogynists.

I am in my mid-thirties and I never dye my hair.

I have plenty of grey and it shows up well against the dark brown.

So what?

Does it make me less beautiful? Less attractive? No. I don't think so.

Does it make me look older? No, it makes me seem the age I am rather than 10 years younger. So what?

It doesn't make me look tired and washed out - one look at my face will tell you I am brimming with energy and vitality.

I reject the idea that there is only one, narrowly defined perception of beauty that excludes women with grey hair.

OP if you are lucky enough not to have grey hair at a young age, then I don't think you can judge.

I have died my grey hairs since I was in my twenties; I have very dark hair and the grey hairs stand out and I don't like them. I don't mind wearing glasses and I don't mind stretch marks and winkles but I hate my grey hair.

I would much rather that hair dye was made safer then to stop using it.

Changing the colour of my hair is a source of great amusement to me. At times I am grey, at times I am dark brown and at times I am flaming red. It kind of depends on my mood.

My hair is very short, so grey tends not to show up, not that it bothers me if it does. I do find, however, that the urge to change colour usually hits in the grey and gloom of winter.

I think that if it is not something that you have yourself it's hard to really know how you would feel if it were you.

I am also blonde and have no grey AFAIK and hopefully it'll gradually just get lighter when it does start changing colour. However most of my friends have hair which started to change in late 20s/early 30s and most of them dye it. And yes they dye it because they "feel they have to" to conform to norms of how women their age look. No big wows there surely.

As with all cosmetic enhancements it would be nice if as a society youth wasn't prized above all and so much store wasn't put on appearance / looking a certain way / fitting in. But that's where we are and so women do it.

Many men dye their hair too BTW. Not really a fan of "what about the menz" but when it comes to grey hair it really isn't just women who worry & change it.

I've been dyeing my hair for 21 years since I was 12. Have been all colours under the sun ever since. In recent years (the last 5 or so since I had dd2) I've kept it to very dark brown/black. Have noticed in recent years my regrowth is now more grey than blonde. I'd like to be able to just grow it out but honestly can't bring myself to. I did try a few months back but caved after 2 weeks. I also wear make up, and shave my legs and pits. I'm still a feminists though!

Women and men of all ages should dye their hair whatever colours and in whatever ways they like.

No-one should feel that they have to dye their hair.

But no-one should feel entitled to tell anyone else what they should do with their hair.

So is it OK for women who don't have grey hair to dye it? It's just women who start to go grey who should immediately stop, in your opinion?

I do have a lot of sympathy for your general point -- natural ageing, like body hair, increasingly seems to be becoming something that women are told they shouldn't be showing/having, and the imposition of some kind of predetermined idea of physical perfection tends to be restrictive and objectifying. But you aren't expressing it as well as you might, and you seem to be targeting the wrong people.

Poetry should be,
A sugared pebble,
Upon tasting sweetness,
You break your teeth

Argiris Hionis

Ooops! Sorry!

I meant to post that somewhere else

:o

Okay, I may be misunderstanding the article. Is the writer saying that this chemical is in the dyes needed to cover grey? So if you bleached colour out, and then put on one of these honey blonde type things, would that then not contain the chemical?

I have a grey bit at the front; I feel it makes me look like I'm in the Mallen streak so I don't mind it. I asked the hairdresser if I should dye it and he said not to bother. I don't know at what point it crosses a line and people start to think you are unusual for not covering it up.

I've experimented with fair colour since u was 11. At 29 I had a nasty PPD reaction. Never, ever again will I use a chemical hair dye. I use lush caca henna now. It's fab and looks so much more natural than anything else I've used. Messy and smelly but worth it!

had no idea that people die from using hair dyes.

a woman in her 60's said to me once that men stopped looking at her once she had the menopause.... perhaps, as women get towards menopausal age, dying hair is something that can be done to avoid the feeling of being ignored.

When i was in my 20's, my hair started greying, and me and a friend promised we would not be dying our hair to cover grey.. I remember an older friend spluttering over her glass of wine at this after dinner conversation.....just wait, she was saying!

well my friend just completed her nvq in hair, so i have access to hairstying in a way i never did before. She has dyed my hair bright red, which the teenagers i work with approve of heartily. They really found my grey hard to take, and asked me repeatedly why i didn't dye it. Perhaps my hair colour makes them feel closer to me...

Toddler, does that cover grey hairs then? I didn't think henna could do that.

I dye my hair, although I resent the hell out of it. The expense, the time, the faff. I'm certainly not religious about it, and have plenty a few greys on show right now.

However, I have dark hair, and the greys are all round the front, so it is really noticeable.

DH is the same age as me (late 30s) and has full-on salt-and-pepper hair and has done for years. He's proud of his hair (maybe because it's thick and fulsome and not thinning in the slightest!), has no problem whatsoever with the greys, whereas I would be rushing to cover such an amount of greyness.

Women did definitely draw the short straw when it comes to this. As per...

To add, I know a couple of women roughly my age, maybe early 40s who don't dye their greys, and it's - not shocking - but surprising, I guess. It's just something which is so universally done these days, that it's noticeable when it's not done.

This is a relatively recent development - my Mum's generation didn't dye their hair as the default position. Some did of course, but not most.

People should be able to do what they want and not have anyone telling them that they're letting the cause down by doing it.

Why not?

I'm not about to stop dying my hair, but I don't mind people making me think about things in a different way?

Nobody can make anybody stop doing things they want to do - it's only an internet forum! But what's wrong with having people question why they do things, especially things which restrict you, or cause hassle?

I mean, not dying your hair is certainly easier and cheaper than dying your hair. Maybe someone might stop and think and decide that actually, they're not going to do it any more.

If you're happy with what you're doing then, great, what's the problem?