Would this comment have frustrated you?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

I've just been to Prize Giving at DD1's school, which a girls' grammar.

They have just achieved 99.7% pass rate for A levels and are very proud of the girls' achievements.

Why then did the Head Of Governors open the proceedings with this comment?

"Welcome... I shall now move along to the most enjoyable part of the evening, seeing the girls' beautiful dresses as they parade across the stage to collect their awards."

It was obviously only a a small part of the night, but it totally flummoxed and disappointed me.

Am I being super-critical?

oh SGM, I think there is every chance that a HoG at a boys school may comment on how handsome/smart they look, in a throw away fashion. Nothing specific to girls in that regard.

dancing on heads of pins there I'm afraid, SGM.

Hehehehe.

"Welcome... I shall now move along to the most enjoyable part of the evening, seeing the boys' smart suits as they parade across the stage to collect their awards."

As if.

The phrase in the OP is a (uncalculated) verbal nudge to the girls, reminding them that however clever they are, they will always be judged by how they look. It's a cookie handed out for conforming to accepted femininity. What about the ones who didn't wear dresses? Did they fail a bit on the enjoyment-giving stakes?

no, Aye, maybe not in those exact words, but something not dis-similar, every chance.
No I wouldn't wish it for my dd, would cringe at the utterance, but as someone upthread indicated, at a high-performing girls school the academic acheivement could have been seen as a given, and the comment was a suggestion of 'as well as smart they also look very fine' or some such, albeit old fashoined stuff.
A bit frustrating, yes, heinous and worth speaking ot the HoG about? Lets have a sense of proportion??

I think it's nice to say how lovely they look since they've made the effort. But not to say it is the most anything.

When I first skim-read the OP I wondered if the speaker was a slightly lecherous old man...

That sounds completely inappropriate.

It does sound inappropriate.

But I would say that at DDs school in the whole year, their whole time at school, their every waking moment there is no attention at all paid to how they look.
The entire thrust of the year is academic endeavour and success, sporting excellence, attention to the arts and everything that a school should be about.

The girls have hair scraped back hair, no make up (until they get old enough to stretch the rules). The plaudits are entirely about achievement.

So maybe the comment was a reflection of the rarity of the times the girls dress up.
Dd spends all her time at gym, at swimming - 4 days a week she has skanky scragged back hair and her homework, her timetable and the fact that school is about the work etc mean she doesn't care.

This morning she was getting ready for a school dance and washed her hair and chose her dress. I would have felt pretty churlish not to say she looked lovely. And if the head tells the girls they look lovely I won't mind.

I completely agree that the phrasing - the implication that how they looked was the primary function of the event - was awful. Awful awful.
But if the school is right in terms of their attitude perhaps it was the rarity that led to the mistake.

Look, at the end of the day they have to find husbands. Looks not books, as dear Matilda's mother so memorably put it.

And look what a catch she got for herself! :o

Quite, Trills.

Not like Miss Honey The SPINSTER

A male Head of Governors I presume? (Ours is a fabulous woman but suspect most are male)

That is a really odd thing to say and I would be pissed off too.

FWIW I went to a v academic girls school as well and I don't remember anyone ever commenting on how marvellous our appearance was. It was all - 68 A's - super - lacrosse match tomorrow - give them a battering - win win win etc. Being pretty / nice dresses etc never got a mention. Why would it?

Lord, sorry, missed it first time around - a WOMAN SAID THAT?!!?!?!?!?

Hully
Look, at the end of the day they have to find husbands. Looks not books, as dear Matilda's mother so memorably put it.

I would be livid.

I know I am going to be in a minority. And I know it was an awful thing to say.
I just rather think that people occasionally say stupid stuff, especially in formal situations, rather than that she should be reported and beaten and cast into a pit.

they do pag, they do.

I would be a bit and about this too. Although it does sound like nerves/gaucheness/old-fashionedness on the part of the HoG.

Not only does it underline to the girls that looking nice and being decorative is an important part of their role in life, i also imagine the comment undermines the confidence and pride felt by the girls who have won academic awards but don't look good in a dress, don't enjoy dressing up, aren't bothered about clothes or haven't found their personal style yet.

I agree that a comment along the lines of all looking confident, smart and mature, which could equally well be said about a group of boys would be more appropriate.

Having said all that, i wonder if the prize giving ceremony is a boring parade of names and hand shaking only enlivened by the dresses.

Could the school do something with the ceremony to show case more of the girls talents - recital by the orchestra or choir, displays of artwork or other work, short speeches or poetry reading by a few of the girls etc... so that next year the HoG would genuinely be able to say that this was the most enjoyable part of the evening. Indeed it would be really crass to say the dresses were the most enjoyable part, if the event also included a performance of some sort.

that is pity isn't it Hully?

no no. I do agree. god knows I have uttered enough horrors myself under social duress..

I don't think anyone was going for "beaten and cast into a pit", I think the options were between
1 - gently tell her that it was perhaps not the best thing to say
2 - leave it

Twas but a short step, Trills, a short step

good news though