What Does Being a Feminist in 2011 Mean To You?

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

I know this has been done before but I think it's nice to do it again.

I'd like one or two comments on what feminism means to you, or what you feel is a particularly important feminist issue to you right now, in 2011. I'll get the ball rolling because if memory serves, this was the conclusion of the last discussion like this:

• Do you believe men and women deserve to be treated equally?
• Do you think think this is happening yet?

If the answers are 'yes' and 'no!'', then collect your feminism stamp on the way in, and let's hear you ....

On the issue of "collaborativeandlovely", i have to say that that is largely my experience among feminists and in feminist spaces. That's often when the best discussions happen: they run for longest, they thus include more people, less experienced people don't feel intimidated to come forward and ask questions, and respectful debate and discussion really teases out the issues in a very valuable way.

It's like MN generally, in a way, and the PARD concept. But part of what sparks change can also be conflict- and if MN remained a board full of "trust your own instincts, whatever feels right for you and your bubs, hun", then it would become stale, boring, and frankly useless.

Of course it's best if conflict in discussions could be approached respectfully, without shouting, without disingenuous digs etc., but we are human, and people sometimes get quite heated if they are passionate about something. And often, women's anger can really be a force for change, and is very justified: it's unhealthy to suppress that. I think it's fair enough to accept that sometimes anger will be part of the interactions we have as feminists, and it shouldn't be repressed as unfeminine and "not naice".

I think we can accept it as part of the tapestry of our experience, but it would be a shame if we didn't strive to build on humour, gentle enquiry and a willingness to listen and challenge respectfully. I think feminists can be really great at this, especially with each other. But this approach is often met with ridicule out there in the bad world, and devalued. I guarantee you that when a woman isn't being slapped down for being "shrill" or an "angry man-hater", she is being ignored as wishy-washy and unrealistic, not to be taken seriously.

For me, being a feminist now, and a feMNist here, means accepting the whole gamut of our humanity and really trying to hear each other so we can take things forward. That is why I get so angry about the man-trolls who try to silence us, wind us up, and channel our energies down a path which wastes our time and goodwill. And I (perhaps unfairly) get even more cross with the women who can't see what their game is, and chip in with "Actually, he's got a point there". What I would really like to see more of here on MN in 2012 is women supporting each other as feminists, and less of the dismissive attitude to feminism as something for ranting angryheads, because that truly is not an accurate or fair characterisation.

Well said.

Although, I know I can be one of those women who end up chipping in with 'he's got a point there'. I find it very hard not to - I see a man posting and I think 'wow, how nice of him, to come here and make an effort'. And I end up wanting and wanting what he posts to be great, because he's a man. And actually, that is really bad! It's incredibly patronizing to male posters and bad for everyone else in the debate, because it means I skew my response to the men.

This is not of course any male poster's fault, but mine. But it is a bit of a problem I have, and I wonder if anyone else recognizes themself in that.

Brilliant Post BOF.

My, grandmother BoF, what big testicles you have.

I keep them in a jar, you know.

Ok, lrd, have walked and thought.

I think it's now for me an absolute weariness, a been there done that feeling, mainly because my ds is now 14 and dd 13 and here we go here we go again. Every generation needs educating in first principles all over again and dear lord I'm tired.

DS for eg, is at school and surrounded by bright articulate go ahead girls who run rings around him and his friends, and to him, and in his experience to date, life is much better for females. The big picture is far away for him. We spent a couple of hours on youtube recently looking at pop vids of women in their underwear while I explained exploitation, objectification etc etc and he looked for vids of men in their scanties to disprove it.

Dd isn't allowed to wear trousers, ffs, and had a friend round recently who called another girl a gorilla because she doesn't shave her armpits. Agggghhhhhhhhhh.

I have that giddy excited feeling reading this thread.

I...I think I have a crush on you all.

Will be back later when I think of something useful to add - can I still have the stamp though?

Oh and what I meant to say re ds and girls, is I wonder when it changes? At what point does the balance tip in men's favour?

I would say childbearing years Hully, not necessarily childbearing itself.
It seems like the running rings thing is just a sign of greater maturity in your DS's contemporaries, and other than that things are equal? I don't know.

the childbearing isn't me, sinical

Re questions Yes to number 1 and No to number 2.

I grew up in a very 'men are the leaders, providers, respected ones within the family, women are the enablers, (is that what I mean?) and for my parents, that is still the case.

They read the Daily Express, vote conservative..... black is black, white is white, there is no grey in their world.

I am a newbie, a very new feminist but thanks to this board, I now realise that I am! My DH says that I'm an Passionate Activist as well as a feminist.

In 2011, I'd like to see equality in the workplace, home, wherever. I'd like to see more rape convictions. I'd like there to be more equality in every day life.

I'm not the little wifey Mr Builder, I have my own thoughts and my own feelings and actually, I am the one who will be paying you for your time so ask me where I want the fucking bathroom sink, not my husband, okay?

I've read all of theses posts, Bof and Sunshine's made me nod so much I now have whiplash!

I hope that as my time on this board increases, so will my knowledge of feminism and the importance it holds within our society.

I love this thread. You wise, kindly women! :)

For me, Feminism means liberation from other people's expectations of who I am or what I might be as a woman, which gives me the freedom to find out who I am or what I might be as myself. Freedom to get angry, to get happy, to get creative and get things done.

That liberation extends to my husband and my son - freedom to cry, to hold each other, to feel their feelings and talk them over, to make dinner and dance around the living room and love.

Feminism means that the scales fell from my eyes and I saw that not only did the Emperor have no clothes at all, but he'd been lying to me about my clothing too, and the body beneath it.

Feminism means owning myself, my thoughts, my body, my uterus, my ideas and my actions. Feminism means freedom and indeed it also means peace and love.

Feminism makes all other good things possible, including fighting and ending the bad things.

Amen to that, definitely.

Blackcurrants - lovely post xx

I think this thread will mark the end of my self-imposed exile from The Fem topic

This may be paraphrasing what others have said, but for me, in 2011 in the developed world, it's about women moving on from having what men have got, to having what women want (and, to be clear, that's what women decide they want, not what men tell them they want). Two very different things.

Me too AF x

Very nice slubadub

that is v thought-provoking Slubadub