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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Wellbeing Thread - who's in?

543 replies

AnonWasAWoman · 01/11/2011 13:29

This is a sort of ?gap in the market? thread really, forgive the rotten title. I was thinking about women and wellbeing and a possible feminist slant on what I feel the beauty industry has colonised.

If I try to find a threads, or a magazine articles, about women?s wellbeing and health I can guarantee half of them will be written in what comes across to me as doublethink: ?you need to feel good about your body, so first you must wage war upon it for a woman?s body is naturally hideously ugly!?. This just makes me sad. So do diluted versions ? the kind of discussions or groups where participants begin with a focus on health, but gradually shift to ?what can you do to look good?, which ? well, just makes me feel ugly if I don?t do those things (And, ah, angry that some people think women should have to!).

It really worries me how, as women, health and beauty are constantly conflated, and there?s an ever-increasing list of treatments that begin as luxurious pampering, then quickly come to be essential ?maintenance? or even basic ?hygiene?. It?s taken that a sign of healthy self-confidence and body confidence is to buy into these ideas about what to do with our time and money and bodies. I?m sure there?s a spectrum of views among feminists as to what we feel is right for us and what?s not, and I don?t want to get into that because I think it?s the least interesting bit of the debate. So I?m not trying to start yet another ?do you wax your fanjo fur? thread ? interesting as they are ?!

I am sure there is a way to resist gendered body care/products without in any way denigrating or ignoring the female body. I bet some of you are brilliant at this and the Resisting Femininity threads were great for showing me the way. But I also want to replace the things I?m resisting, not just get rid of all focus on my body. My mum can as close as can be to this ? everything ?gendered? for women?s bodies, from women?s anti-perspirant, to shaving equipment, to perfume and cosmetics, came under the same heading of ?disgusting things?. In retrospect I find this quite disturbing and not remotely feminist. I am sure I would have been a happier and better-adjusted teenager if I?d not had to sneak off to buy deodorant and nick my dad?s used disposables (I didn?t know any better). If as an adult woman I want to do without any of this stuff, that?s fine ? but I certainly don?t want to feel it?s the only option, or that being a feminist has to mean focusing on the mind and forgetting about the body.

So what I would like to do is to try to hammer out a sense of what you do (if anything) to replace or contrast with what we?re offered by society in terms of caring for your body. So I thought maybe it?d be nice to have a sort of wellbeing thread on here, where we can do all the healthy stuff you hope for on a ?diet? thread (and don?t IME get), and we can do all the ?taking time for myself? stuff that the beauty industry has colonised and distorted, but we can also maybe chat about how to feel better about our bodies, instead of how to make them look better.

So, here?s my list (some, obviously, drawn from a certain S&B thread!). They?re what I?ll hope to do, not what I promise to do! Grin

  • I?m going to try to go for a walk at least twice a week, even if it?s just half an hour. And I?m going to take my camera so I don?t end up thinking about work the whole time!
  • I?m going to try to eat two different kinds of fruit/veg (I get stuck on apples galore)
  • I?ll try to cut my coffee intake
  • I?ll try to take 15 minutes before I go to bed to think about something that is not work, or chatting on MN (!), or planning food shopping or whatever
  • I?m going to try to make proper breakfast every day
  • Go to bed early one night per week
  • Ration my (awful) snickers habit! I have eaten three snickers ice-cream bars this morning and it is Not good.
  • (You can laugh here) I?m going to do some pelvic floor exercises every week ? I always forget and I imagine I?ll be glad of them later on!

Please add in suggestions if you have them or say if you think I ought to change my mind about any of these.

OP posts:
Jacksmania · 15/11/2011 23:50

It made sense to me - what does that tell ya? :o

LRDtheFeministDragon · 15/11/2011 23:52

Grin I dread to think!

Jacksmania · 15/11/2011 23:53

and so you should! :o

DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 16/11/2011 00:17

Juggling, I have a good friend teaching me, so will whizz through the belts in no time. Grin

LRD, ahh, we ended up randomly chatting after accidentally getting our DSs in trouble... Whoops... Grin

I understand what you mean about the weight thing, btw. I'm trying to feel comfortable in my own skin, and can't seem to, despite all the feminist reading I do, get past my own body hang ups (Please note, critical family telling me I've got fat doesn't help either). Had a weird epiphany type moment the other evening though. Had a friend round, and he commented on the fact I'd lost weight. My first reaction was "Yeah, another x pounds to go". He told me he thought I was fine how I was (and he's the kind of guy who speaks his mind). Our own perception of ourselves is different to everyone elses, because we never see ourselves through someone elses eyes, do we? We hear their criticisms and comments, but that's not seeing what they see, is it?

swallowedAfly · 16/11/2011 09:36

no that's true. i suffer with depression on and off and my state of mind and how i see myself/feel about myself/the kind of person i think i am changes dramatically sometimes when i'm down. i remember a friend who knew me well and had seen me in all states said to me, 'just because you feel different about when your down doesn't mean that i do. i still see saf, it might be saf being down but you're still the same person even though inside it doesn't feel like it.'

not sure how relevant that is now i've said it but it did really hit home to me how our internal state, beliefs, feelings really don't change objective reality (dubious concept but i'm not feeling pedantic).

i wonder if this happens with body image for me too - if i feel fat and like i look awful i auto assume that's how i look to other people. in a world where we're all suffering from some degree of body dysmorphia thanks to being trained in it from an early age it's probably good to apply doubt to how we think we look.

JugglingWithGoldandMyrhh · 16/11/2011 10:50

How are you feeling today SAF ?

This is a bit of a challenging week for me as DH away in Scotland til Saturday.
so you'll be seeing a lot of me on here !
DM phoned this morning and was at her best so that was quite encouraging Smile

Just off for a nice bath now before going in to cover lunch hour at DSs school.
Nice that I get to see him there, but I've told him he's got to be helpful and not cheeky in front of his friends !

swallowedAfly · 16/11/2011 10:58

very unmotivated! feel a lot better physically but just don't seem to have any oompf for getting things done.

i'm also a bit distracted by a bit of text flirting going on with someone.

in danger of letting the school hours just drift past rather than using them for anything. might try and combine pleasure and yuk by doing some ironing in front of something fun to watch. as un-wellbeing-ish as ironing sounds it's part of a wider issue of when things feel smooth running and efficient and tidy i feel better and enjoy my home more and my time. the old deferred gratification chestnut. domestic chaos gradually, subtly stresses me out.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/11/2011 11:12

That sounds likethe good kind of distraction. Grin

I am dead chuffed because I went out with my mate this morning, and she's a runner and has all this kit that does stuff like telling you your BP and your lung capacity (?!) and anyway, mine seem to be a lot better (ie. lower and bigger) than they were three weeks ago. The BP is actually in the lowest quarter of the 'healthy' range which is really encouraging as it's something my GP warned me about a while back.

So I have a nice boost to keep walking and sleeping and cutting back the caffeine and sugar as it seems to be working! Smile

I have to say though, it was really, really freezing this morning and I could happily have stayed curled up in bed all day ...

FoodUnit · 16/11/2011 16:18

I have to admit I am pretty indulgant in order to have a sense of well-being
Things I already do:

  • visit spas to have massages, sauna time, etc (lots of cheapie vouchers these days for this) in fact I'm going for a fish pedi tomorrow and am contemplating daring myself to do it with some seriously long, wiry leg-hair. Do I have the bottle?
  • Try to throw a party every few months - it encourages me to finish off a lot of jobs that would otherwise niggle, and the company, laughter and memories is creates have a long-lasting beneficial effect.
  • Crank up the radio and dance like a maniac with my kids
  • Chop up fruit for myself when I do it for my DD
  • Aw there are loads more - I shall return

What I would like to do

  • Get out of London for a brisk walk in the fresh air of the countryside monthly
  • See a chiropractor and get my pregnancy/birth twisted skeleton back to normal
  • prioritise my intellect for an hour or two a day....
(must tend to baby)
LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/11/2011 16:43

Mmm, massages sounds good. That is the side of spas that I really like - I'm too broke to afford much atm, but other than that they slightly put me off because I feel as if I'm expected not just to care about feeling nice but looking nice. But I expect that depends on the spa, too.

As to wiry leg hair - conditioner? A nice shade of henna dye? French plaits? I feel I must celebrate these options. Wink

The chiropractor one is making me think too - I ought to do something like that.

I like the parties too - I go for dinner with my best mate once a week/once every couple of weeks and it has the same effect of making me work to finish stuff because I can then reward myself with an evening off or having her round for dinner. And I think it's quite healthy to not be in with DH all the time - because much as I love him I think it's really good to keep other relationships going and so on, and I think sometimes women don't do this as much as men (or maybe it's the women I know).

swallowedAfly · 16/11/2011 16:57

i'm guessing different among your circle lrd but i find women are less 'available' for that kind of thing. spending time with a woman with children at night is no mean feat.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/11/2011 17:15

Yes, I can see that!

I still find it to be something that's very good for me, even though I'm sure the dynamics will change when we've all got to having children. I think actually that's the more reason to do it now - I mean, if I look at my mum, she has no real idea how to meet up with a friend for coffee, she never really learned how to socialize without either my dad there or without children there. I think that's probably both her shyness and her generation, though.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/11/2011 17:16

Sorry if it was an unhelpful thing to post though - just ignore!

swallowedAfly · 16/11/2011 17:59

not unhelpful it's just something i find a bit sad really - the shortage of female time and company. i'm a mum but i'm single so i seem to have more desire for friend company and to sometimes go out and do something of an evening. most women are coupled up which in theory should give them more freedom re: they have live in childcare you'd think. in reality tough they just sort of dissapear - they are available for weekday time but evenings and weekends are out of bounds. not everyone of course but a bit of a theme.

TheButterflyEffect · 16/11/2011 18:00

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TheRealTillyMinto · 16/11/2011 18:14

...with a spa where everyone has spectacular leg hair....

TheButterflyEffect · 16/11/2011 18:17

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TheRealTillyMinto · 16/11/2011 18:18

they can have some leg hair applied as a 'treatment'

TheButterflyEffect · 16/11/2011 18:21

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LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/11/2011 18:48

Ooh, yes please. I would like the feminist village.

We will knit little leg-merkins for our less hirsute sisters.

TheButterflyEffect · 16/11/2011 18:57

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FoodUnit · 16/11/2011 18:57

ha ha - out of finest alpaca fur!

LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/11/2011 18:58

Perkin. Hmm, not sure about that. 'That's a beautiful perkin you have peeking out from your delightful Boden skirt'.

JugglingWithGoldandMyrhh · 16/11/2011 19:10

I can donate lots of some leg hair if someone else can knit merkins or perkins Grin

TheButterflyEffect · 16/11/2011 20:02

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