This birthday party really got me thinking. . .

[FrankNCock]

Went to a party today for a friend's 2 year old DD at The Most Pretentious Indoor Play Centre Ever and several things made me a bit

So there was the obligatory 'princess theme'. When it was time for the lunch, it was sandwiches that had been cut into shapes of a top and skirt, and pink squash in plastic mini-wine glasses. Kids sat at tables arranged in a horseshoe, all decorated in pink, flower petals, tulle netting, glitter, etc. The birthday girl herself sat at a separate table at the open end of the horseshoe. It was decorated sort of like you'd imagine Barbie's desk, complete with a giant fancy pink phone. And there was the giant pink felt crown.

Ok, so it wasn't to my taste, and if I had a girl I could not see myself having a party like this. But I really got annoyed at the separation of girls and boys.

There was a craft activity. Girls made headbands with ribbons and flowers and glittery shit all over them (all in pink of course). Boys were shunted to the far end of the table to decorate blue door hangers. Boys and girls were given different cups just to hold popcorn (princesses for girls, pirates for boys). Different party bags (girls had Peppa Pig, boys had footballs). At the end, girls got pink balloons, boys got blue.

I just don't understand why everything had to be so different? I felt sad for all of them, and I can't even put my finger on why. More experienced feminists, want to help me?

I thought that was the point too Ella - segregation of boys and girls and the insistence that they must only do/like/say the things that are associated with their sex is bad for everyone.

Constant, my DS left the table almost immediately and went to run around. He managed the craft activity for about 10 seconds. Another little boy had a bit of a meltdown during this and the owner came over and told him to 'stop crying'

IPBJT, I know, I have to rummage a bit to find boys' clothes for DS. I can't stand all those shirts declaring 'I'm a boy therefore awful'.

Definitely felt bad for all the kids there, girls and boys. Boys for being treated as separate and shunted off to one side, girls for being forced into this ultra girlie nonsense.

Why is all this crap so much worse than it was 30 years ago. Surely women have come a long way in the past 30 years?

Yuk, how vile.
I would have felt exactly the same. Luckily, so would my DD!

It really is, isn't it snail?

My mum keeps going on about how it was just the same when we were babies. But honestly, I look at class photos and sure, a few five-year-olds are in pink but there are loads of other colours. And I don't remember anything like the party fearful describes - it was mostly just running around in the garden and some cake at that age IIRC.

It's also increased materialism and affluence.
Places like ELC play on this by creating thr same toy in pink and blue so they become gender specific . People buy more stuff generally for their kids so that encourages pink shit whereas when we were kids you handed down much more.

I have two of each sex, BTW and they are all quite similar. No princesses or little monsters, thank you very much.

My DD would've hated this party. Her absolute hero is Postman Pat and yet she's been laughed at at nursery for wearing 'boys' clothes by the other girls.

I wonder how long it will be before she feels she has to like princesses just to fit in.

She'll be fine. My DD is now nearly 12 and lives in jeans and jods, long scruffy hair and specs. She rocks

I have just bought DD2 a vintage horse riding Sindy with horse etc. She'll love it.

What makes me so sad/frustrated about this kind of thing is that the parents who buy into it for their kids are the same ones who will harp on about how liking pink/trains is "natural" or how it's all down to evolution bollocks. If it's so natural why be so rigid about enforcing it? Why say "girls wear pink frocks, boys wear cowboy costumes"? Surely it could just be come as you are with the same results? But no, because actually events like this are just pushing children into only liking certain things to fit in with their supposed gender role. It's crap. There is probably 1 child in 100 who only likes the things they "should" like as a boy or a girl. Yet all these really small children who should have a whole world of interests opening up to them are made to conform in this ridiculous way.

V interested in this thread as it is my DD's 4th birthday today! Party is, surprise, halloween theme and she is going, at her request, as a skeleton. One of her friends said that it was too scary and wanted to come as a fairy. DD crossly said but Sainsbury's do witch outfits! Friend now coming as a witch.

I have really noticed the proliferation in gender presents/ parties. Recently she went to a soft play party where she got lip gloss in the party bag. I was utterly appalled and it has now found it's way into the bin. DH took her to a party where she was the only one not in a bloody hideous pink party dress, it was a gym party FGS!

It all feels so so different to whine we were kids. I find it utterly depressing.

But now must stop ranting and decorate my bat biscuits....

Lordy what a horrible, awful sounding party. And there's me worrying that my planned craft for DD's 3, which involves decorating flower pots with foam stickers in 'nature' themes - so, butterflies and flowers, along with markers and fingerpaint if I'm feeling particularly insane brave, will be seen as 'too girly'.

Everything about that party sounds awful. The segregated crap at TWO. The isolation of the 'party princess', so she's feted like a bride and taught that her role is to be looked at. The structure.

I honestly would not have dealt with it particularly graciously if I was there with a boy and he wanted to do the glittery craft, which does sound like more fun. I'd just have taken him to that table, tbh. I'm not telling a TWO year old that he can't do something because of his gender, ffs.

And I loathe people calling my girls princesses. They are not. My neice was raised from birth to be a princess and it's so sad. She does no sports, has no self esteem and wants to be a model despite being ordinary looking ( nowt wrong with that either!) has a boyfriend at 11. I sadly, predict pregnancy by 16.

Elephants, IIRC that ridiculous 'study' that got world wide press recently about how girls are evolutionarily designed to like pink because of some sort of berry-related shit was done with undergrads. Because you know, 19 year olds haven't ever had a chance to be exposed to societal expectations, or anything.

And, while we are at it. why is just about every woman over 25 on the box botoxed and plastic with immovable features?
I can only think of Suzannah and Sian from Breakfast BBC who aren't.

Tamara Ecclestone is a study in hideous vacuousness. I'd slit my wrists if my girls ever ended up like that air head.

Oh god, I hate the pink shite!

I have a DD who never wears pink (except one t shirt with a dino on from the nNext boys collection) and never wears dresses/skirts (she is now 3) and has no idea of boy/girl distinction- or at least only the haziest notion.

I now have a DS and bought a raspberry coloured babygrow for him the other day - which I never would have with DD!

I don't even bother shopping in the girls sections in shops - I just go straight for the boys - harder wearing fabrics, better colours, easier to wear. H&M is great for bright coloured boys clothes.

My bugbear at the moment is skinny trousers. Kids trousers seem to follow adult fashion and at the moment are cut skinny. BUT - if you compare the boys cut to the girls cut, the boys are skinny, but the girls are skin tight - I doubt they could even move properly in them. It is very annoying! We just buy boys.

We also buy non pink, non gendered toys, only watch Cbeebies (no adverts), never anything Disney, have a SAHD, actively encourage running around and getting mucky. But DD starts nursey in the new year - will be interesting what ideas she picks up there....!

There's nothing wrong with pink, sparkly, fairy wings, crowns, fluffy things, feather boas, etc.

The problem is when we say that

1 - these things are only for girls
2 - these are the only things that girls are interested in

at those skinny jeans. Fair enough to sell them but why not have a choice? I don't want my 4 yr old looking like a teenager. It seems the only other option for jeans is 'boyfriend' cut ffs

As a childless 'auntie' to my friends' children, I always try to buy against gender or neutrally, while at the same time reflecting the child's personality & not offending the parents.

The thing that always strikes me is that while it is easy to buy boys' stuff for a girl - t-shirts & babygros with tractors & skateboards on or just funky stripes, it is virtually impossible to buy anything from the girls' ranges for a boy. It's far less acceptable for a boy to wear even the slightest hint of pink than it is for a girl to wear a fire engine top. (my sister told me off for buying a newborn boy a bear outfit with pink ears)

We naturally worry about girls being influenced by pinkification but as others have said, it's boys who suffer too and are likely to grow up repressed and angry as their personalities are stifled.

MollyintheMoon It's so sad that your DD is already facing gender stereotypes at nursery.

My DD is 3 and wears tracksuit trousers and a plain-ish top most of the time. She had a pirate theme for her 3rd birthday and while she does have some dresses and skirts, none of them are pink or frilly. Her two 'best friends' are boys, and I'm dreading a time when her peers start telling her that she shouldn't be playing with x or wearing y. I think it's terrible that children are being told that they should act in a certain way at such a young age.

The party described in the OP is just vile.

Tortoise, my ds still remembers his plant pot party as the Best Ever -- but we did let them loose with a bag of compost and some seeds as well. Bung in a crocus or too, if they're old enough not to eat them?