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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

How to deal with my bank re. title?

79 replies

NotADudeExactly · 07/10/2011 16:17

So my bank has always treated me as a "Mrs" - not the title I normally use, but also not a huge annoyance. Until, that is, I tried to change it to "Ms" today as I happened to visit a branch for a change.

First thing, the guy at the counter tells me I need to speak to a personal banker. Fair enough - although it would be nice for them to be able to make minor changes. Except that when I did this, I was told by their personal banker that, ...

  • I am a Mrs because I have a joint account with DH listed as "spouse"
  • They will only change my title if I provide "official ID" such as a passport to prove that I'm a "Ms"
  • Yes, the bank recognizes that passports and other forms of ID indeed do not contain titles, but they need one as proof anyway
  • They're happy for me to be a "Dr" or "Prof", though, if I get a university to confirm that I qualify.

What made me even more angry is that I ended up having this conversation not in private but in the lobby of the branch with personal banker and branch manager trying to convince me that I should be a Mrs. All the while, a queue starts to form behind me and men are shaking their heads. I realize completely that my judgment at that point may have been clouded by anger - but I would have preferred not to discuss this in front of everyone and basically serve as the demonstration model unreasonable, hysterical female.

Long story short: being a Mrs wasn't such a big deal - being told that I cannot decide I'd rather be a Ms and being patronized kind of is.

Where do I go from here? Worth making a fuss about or should I just switch banks?

OP posts:
SleepyFergus · 07/10/2011 16:22

I can see where you are coming from, but is it really worth the palaver of switching banks? Will you really lose sleep over whether the bank gave Mrs on their paperwork? I mean, it's not wrong is it?

ecclesvet · 07/10/2011 16:23

Banks won't change your personal details without proof, it's not a feminist issue.

nickelbabe · 07/10/2011 16:24

Write them a letter, stating your case strongly.

have you any other ID that has "ms" on it?
I don't recall ever having to proce my title to my bank (i've been a Ms since I was 18)

StewieGriffinsMom · 07/10/2011 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mandyville · 07/10/2011 16:30

It's outrageous! There IS no ID that proves you're Ms rather than Mrs. I have always been Ms. Bank knows I'm married (I think) but manages to address me as Ms MyName, not Mrs HisName. Admittedly they would have needed proof to call me HisName, but they never needed proof that I was Ms (over Miss, say). I'm sure I just picked. I have left banks for less but it was a huge hassle and I almost wished I hadn't bothered.

I know it wasn't a big deal at first, but surely they can see that their customer service is the problem here. Agree re: suggestion of strongly worded letter.

Mandyville · 07/10/2011 16:32

SleepyFergus surely it's wrong if OP says it is?

SherbetDibDab · 07/10/2011 16:32

Ecclesvet - I don't think OP is trying to change her personal details. I think the issue is that the bank insists she must be a Mrs unless she proves otherwise and they have made an assumption to her title purely because she shares an account with her husband. In fact OP should have been free to choose her own title when the account was opened.

Original poster
NotADudeExactly · 07/10/2011 16:33

Well, no, it's not wrong in the sense that I am married.

What annoyed me is that the bank has a) never asked me which title I prefer but just assumed and b) then refused to change it when I expressed a preference. This is much more of an issue for me than my card saying Mrs.

However, I do think that women displaying their marital status via their title is a feminist issue. And I would prefer to have cards that have a neutral title - the shop assistant really has no business knowing that I have a husband IMHO.

I'm more than happy to provide ID - it's just that I have none that contains a title in any way, Miss, Ms, Mrs or anything else. They all say "firstname lastname" only. Since female titles are a matter of preference I also feel that proving who I am should entitle me to state how I wish to be addressed.

OP posts:
nickelbabe · 07/10/2011 16:56

i think it's wrong - it's entirely up to you to choose your title, and they're actually not allowed to refuse to change your title on your request - especially as you have told them that's not how you are titled.

LaurieFairyCake · 07/10/2011 17:01

There is no need for them to 'check' in any way.

you could call yourself Princess Consuela Banana Hammock and just instruct them to change it - they may check for fraud prevention but if there is no intent to defraud then they should comply with your instructions.

Name - Shame - Twitter - Move Banks

dh and I aren't with the same bank and I am Mrs Not-husbands-surname but my name as I'm Scottish - no one ever asked me for proof to call myself Mrs anything.

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 07/10/2011 19:23

That's outrageous. I would write to the higher-ups and the local papers and complain. They have no right to impose their views on what title you "should" use or insist that you provide (non-existent) documentation to prove?what? That you're female? Which is all that Ms suggests.

Original poster
NotADudeExactly · 07/10/2011 22:20

Thanks everyone!

I've e-mailed Barclays to complain - interested to see what their response will be. If they deem it acceptable for me to chose all by myself what I wish to be known as I may just go with the Banana Hammock bit purely in order to spite them - and because I'm reasonably certain that their software isn't capable of dealing with this. :o

I really like the Twitter idea on here. I'm wondering whether t set up a second account for stuff like this (my first is really work focussed and probably really not suitable).

OP posts:
Trills · 07/10/2011 22:40

Morons.

There's no such things as proff that you are Mrs or Ms or Miss because they are entirely arbitrary.

(I do approve of banks asking for proof before they give the title Dr, but mostly because I have Dr and it was bloody hard work and I don't like the idea that you could just say it)

And what exactly would looking at a passport that did not contain a title do? Hmm

LittlePushka · 07/10/2011 22:47

Please tell us you have requested them to change you to Princess Consuela banana Hammock - and demand it is used in full Grin.

nickelbabe · 08/10/2011 09:37

exactly, Trills - the only titles you need proof of are ones that require a qualification (or bestowement), like Dr or Sir or Lord/Lady etc.

Master, Mr, Mrs, Ms and Miss are arbitrary and don't need proof.

Proon · 08/10/2011 09:43

I'm married and always use Ms, have done since I was 12. So when I opened the account, that's the title I chose.

I do have experience of a bank clerk telling me that the bank would give me 'six month's grace' Hmm to change from my maiden name to my married name. She was incredibly snotty about it. I ended up stridently saying 'This is my NAME, it is not my MAIDEN name' - to which she replied that I wouldn't be able to open any new account in my maiden name since I was now married. (Not that I wanted to, so where that came from is anyone's guess.)

I wrote to the bank to ask their policy, and of course it was all guff. I suggest you threaten to close your account and tell them why, and watch them back down.

nickelbabe · 08/10/2011 11:03

that woman was definitely speaking out of her arse! Shock
(and possibly living in the 17th century)

I do keep getting people saying "ooh, I've just realised we've not updated your records and still have "Don" there". and I'm like "i haven't told you i've changed my name because i haven't changed my name" (obviosuly, I say it slightly less snippily!)
it's been over a year, if I was going to change my name, I would have told you by now!

I have to say, though, I've never had a problem with the bank over it.
(that's probably because we'd got our joint account first, and I didn't tell them I was now married)

SardineQueen · 08/10/2011 11:21

See what barclays say
Be prepared to change accounts

I think there are some current accounts that give monthly cashback at the moment.

Original poster
NotADudeExactly · 08/10/2011 19:30

TBH I kind of suspect something along the lines of what happened to Proon in this case.

Cashback? As in they give me money in return for me letting them lend my assets to other people while I don't need it? I'm not much of a banking expert - what is the difference between this and interest?

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 08/10/2011 20:29

this is the one I saw on the telly. It says it is a free account but double check etc. It gives you £5 every month you pay in £1000 apparently (ie a salary).

We have current accounts with barclays and nationwide and neither of them give any interest any more - I think that is quite common.

HerdOfTinyElephants · 08/10/2011 20:58

Barclays once changed me randomly from Ms Mylastname to Mrs Mylastname, about five years or so after DH and I had married and about seven(?) years or so after we'd set up our joint account. They did change me back when I complained but they never explained why they had just woken up one morning and decided to change my details (without my asking and certainly without proof, ecclesvet, given that there is no proof of my being Mrs Mylastname because I'm not).

DazR · 08/10/2011 21:08

i had an issue with Barclays too - they insisted on putting on our joint account 'Initial.Initial. Surname and Mrs Surname'. (It looked like I was an afterthought!!) I thought I deserved initials too so insisted on them dropping the 'Mrs' and replacing with my initials!! Eventually they agreed and new chequebooks show correction.

KatieMiddleton · 08/10/2011 21:10

God when I was a bank manager some knobber cashier took it upon herself to try that guff within my ear shot. It is absolute crap. Especially when the most common form of name ID provided is a UK passport... that has no title unless you're aristocracy and then it appears as the surname (Countesses and the like). She didn't do it again.

I did once get asked by a personal banker while on maternity leave if I was living off dh or the male baby. While looking to see where several years of ISA (individual savings account) contibutions had gone. Hmm

KatieMiddleton · 08/10/2011 21:13

Alliance & Leicester when changing my maiden name to married on our joint account made us both Mr.

They were also quite snotty about fixing it!

HerdOfTinyElephants · 08/10/2011 22:14

Hmm, at least you could provide them with "proof" on that one quite easily... Grin