How to deal with my bank re. title?

[NotADudeExactly]

So my bank has always treated me as a "Mrs" - not the title I normally use, but also not a huge annoyance. Until, that is, I tried to change it to "Ms" today as I happened to visit a branch for a change.

First thing, the guy at the counter tells me I need to speak to a personal banker. Fair enough - although it would be nice for them to be able to make minor changes. Except that when I did this, I was told by their personal banker that, ...

• I am a Mrs because I have a joint account with DH listed as "spouse"

• They will only change my title if I provide "official ID" such as a passport to prove that I'm a "Ms"

• Yes, the bank recognizes that passports and other forms of ID indeed do not contain titles, but they need one as proof anyway

• They're happy for me to be a "Dr" or "Prof", though, if I get a university to confirm that I qualify.

What made me even more angry is that I ended up having this conversation not in private but in the lobby of the branch with personal banker and branch manager trying to convince me that I should be a Mrs. All the while, a queue starts to form behind me and men are shaking their heads. I realize completely that my judgment at that point may have been clouded by anger - but I would have preferred not to discuss this in front of everyone and basically serve as the demonstration model unreasonable, hysterical female.

Long story short: being a Mrs wasn't such a big deal - being told that I cannot decide I'd rather be a Ms and being patronized kind of is.

Where do I go from here? Worth making a fuss about or should I just switch banks?

It was a postal account. I suppose I could've posted it??

Mine was Barclays too. Intriguing.

I can't believe they'd have a policy on something so personal, would they?

I have a Barclays account and had no issue changing my title from Miss to Ms. If they treated me in the way the poster was treated I would have no hesitation in switching banks in a heartbeat, and would be making sure that head office etc. knew exactly why.

It's incredibly incompetent and unprofessional behaviour, especially for a branch manager.

I've just seen this. How interesting, Barclays again!

They did this with me. I was actually told it was illegal for me not to be Mrs if I'm married. I posted about it here because I was fucking furious.

I now bank with HSBC, who are not misogynistic prats and consequently are perfectly happy for me to use Ms.

Good grief Elladee, you win

I have this with Barclays (mortgage, not easily moved) and co-operative (current account) - neither are joint account, have been separated for over 15 years. I wish I could be bothered to move, I could at least move current account I suppose, not sure am attractive remortgage prospect while not earning. It's stupid isn't it? Why do they make it difficult? I don't think I ever put myself as Mrs. And, come to think of it, GP surgery insist on addressing me as Mrs. Think that annoys me most, what if there is someone I fancy in the waiting room? When they see 'mrs' come up on the screen it might put them off.

My DH and I have a joint bank account. We received some correspondence from the bank the other day addressed to Mr and Mrs A Surname (my DH is called Andrew). I nearly blew my top. We especially requested that my initial is also used. I have my own bank account also so I am a customer of theirs in my own right, which makes no difference though. I couldnt believe that they would still do that. I complained and am still waiting to hear.

I'm not with Barclays any more, but I would change in a second if I thought this was a policy they'd thought through and decided to enforce.

I am with the Co-Operative for some things and don't have any problems.

Someone taking away my choice of what to call myself is one of the few things that makes me apoplectic with rage

I've been with my bank since I was 18 and have always been a Ms I also now have a joint account with my husband and it's in both our respective names (I haven't changed mine) - no issue at all with them calling my Mrs or anything like that. I've never had to prove it though - this sounds odd to me - surely you choose what your title is, it isn't like changing your surname for which you would need proof.

However I was once phoned up by an insurance company about our car renewal and they asked for 'Mrs Buttonspoon' to which I said 'No I'm a Ms actually' and the guy said 'Oh, are you a lesbian?' He immediately backtracked realising what he'd said but the damage was already done and I spoke to him manager instead. Idiot.

I doubt you will be able to call yourself Princess Banana Hammock.

HSBC wouldn't let me set up an account in my stage name.

HSBC is wrong, then.
the law in this country is that whatever name you habitually use is seen as your legal name.
you actually don't need anything to back it up (perhaps something that proves that you habitually use it, usually letters addressed to you in that name).
Banks can be such arses when it comes to names.the passport office doesn't need deedpoll, for example, to change your name for your passport, but the bank does

"Oh, are you a lesbian?" Classic case of filter failure there.....

"Are you a lesbian?" oh my...

As regards proof of name there is a legal requirement for banks to identify and verify customers using an independent source as per The Money Laundering Regulations 2007 here There are other legal statutes that apply but I cba to find them and no doubt you find it as boring interesting as I do

My first branch manager job just after i graduated was for the Abbey. They'd just been fined for failing to ID customers and we had to reidentify customers from years back who had never been asked to provide any ID. It was an utter, utter arse ache and I walked into a branch that was still behind on doing that and had literally months of paperwork regarding new account ID that hadn't been processed. Hundreds of accounts were being frozen by head office because they had to take action to avoid another massive fine from the FSA. I was screamed at daily and worked 80 hour weeks to shift the backlog (I was paid less per hour than the cleaner) so I know a bit about ID and the legal requirements. We never required proof of title. Just name and address and that the person was who they claimed to be.

BUT banks are legally required to satisfy themselves that you aren't moneylaundering. And acting like arses over all alternative names is an easier blanket policy than taking each case on its merits and applying common sense.

That doesn't explain why they insisted I should change my name and title though, elephants. (I know you're probably referring to the PrincessBananaWhatsit stuff, just saying ...).

Completely understand why they would need proof over change of name. But the difference between Mrs and Ms is a personal choice and it is utterly ridiculous for them to be quibbling about this. I would write the letter and move banks.

Ella I answered it further up the thread. You were asked because the member of staff was a knobber and/or talking crap.

Herd - yes, that's right. That's why it's useful to have a paper trail, as it were.
Remember when you apply for your passport, all you need is your birth certificate and a photo signed by someone of good standing saying it's you.
You can always get a person of high standing to sign something saying that's your name.

( and of course, if it's a name you habitually use, then you will have a paper trail - council tax bill, electricity/gas/water bills.
If you're using that name, then you'll have it written down somewhere.
in the case of stage names - you could ask your boss to draw you up a contract using your stage name, even if just as an alias, and then your wages could be paid in that name (suggest using just wage slips with no cheques to stat with!!) - that's paper proof thatyou use that name, and are entitled to use it.)

I really wished to come back to my thread here with some sort of an update; so far I only have this: complained via e-mail on Friday, automatic response on Saturday, human response still pending. I think I should shop around for a new current account!

I'm really shocked by the amount of people with experiences similar to mine - and wondering if this is a special banking thing.

Yes knobbers is a special banking thing. We do courses on it [proud]

In all seriousness I did actually had to leave because the prospect of being micro-managed to within an inch of my life and working with negative, miserable people was too depressing.

I don't know that it's just a bank thing. I think it's a hold over from the long believed myth that Ms. Is not a "real" title and women are legally obliged to use Mrs. Husband'slastname for official docs. When I got married in the 90's I was in the police and a lot of officers tried to tell me I had to use DH's surname. I ended up telling an Inspector he was giving me an unlawful order and I could not obey him. Which was somewhat satisfying, though only because I didn't fear the fall out given I was resigning.

My grandmother also believed I couldn't use Ms. Or my own last name on official documents once married.

I haven't had this particular incompetence from my bank though

I've had it from family, very annoying and disrespectful, but tbh most of the time I am allowed to call myself whatever I want and that's how I like it.

Actually, not most of the time, ALL of the time. So it really stands out when someone tells me I've got my own name and title wrong.

Interesting that this is barclays. I think the problem with them is training and consistency. My local branch at the office is filled with incompetent useless staff but the branch dh uses is filled with helpful and efficient people. Ditto, on phone it can be erratic.

I have thought about this s lot and am convinced the problem is middle management within the organisation. So "small" things like titles may or may not have a policy but the rank and file mostly don't know about it if their particular management is incompetent.