not a nice topic, but been annoying me all day

[ButWhyIsTheGinGone]

Hello All,

I've been dithering whether to post this as it's not really an "issue," and it's not the nicest of subjects, but I've been thinking about it all day.
After reading and watching the fantastic "Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" film, I was talking with a male friend in the pub about the horiffic scene where Lisbeth Salander (possibly my favourite fictional character ever) was attacked and anally raped by her guardian.

This led to a discussion bout how appalling an act that is, at which my friend claimed it would be far "worse for a man." I couldn't quite believe this and he said he couldn't explain it and I "really wouldn't understand." At this point a second man (drunk and not intelligent) pointed out that "women do it all the time." I didn't even acknowledge this fairly disgusting comment and the conversation changed.

But it's been bugging me all day. My friend is a sensible and intelligent man and would never say anything to deliberatly hurt or offend, but this view has shocked me and got me thinking. If a woman who has previously had consensual anal intercourse is attacked in this way....is it less "horiffic" than if a man is similarly attacked who has not?

Would be interested to hear any opinions - I'm no feminist expert but am lurkng around this board a lot more and finding a lot of the discussion really interesting.

Bob, are you going to ask for your more objectionable posts to be deleted now that you have been gently taken by the hand and into the light?

Sorry to bump this thread after some of it has been very unpleasant but having just seen the film Tyrannosaur this evening, it struck me that anyone thinking that domestic rape is not as bad as stranger rape really ought to sit and watch this film.

Brutal, excellent film. Has its imperfections but well worth a watch.

Ps apologies also for that slight spoiler, hopefully also useful as a trigger warning for anyone likely to find it too much.

I think men often do think this, actually, but probably just haven't thought it through properly. I think many men have a horror of being penetrated, if they have never been, and then they extend that to thinking that someone who had would be less horrified by it subsequently. Whereas as pps have said, the real horror is the violence, control, coercion etc., along with what's actually done. If you had picked him up on it I'm sure he'd have thought it through and realised he was talking bo*cks. As it were.