Can you be a feminist housewife?

[wigglybeezer]

Can you be a feminist if you don't have a career but your DH does, especially if this situation has been going on for a long time (13 years in my case)?

I don't feel downtrodden by the way, merely a bit bored and lacking in choice ATM. I earn a small amount of money, so don't have to ask DH for everything but I'm wondering if my Granny (who was a hospital consultant) was a better feminist than me. I just found a photo of her and her pals at medical school where she has noted on the back that there were 18 female medical students out of 180!

But if I earned £80K and my partner earned £20K, and we split joint costs down the middle, he would have much less than me left over, and I wouldn't be able to have (for eg) and fancy holiday with him as he couldn't afford to pay his half. We would live within his means, rather than mine IYSWIM?

People post a fair bit about situations like that becky, and it never seems there's an easy answer.

(Oh, to be in a position to worry about 100k, eh? )

plumber,home maintenance all sourced out of joint account.no one individual takes that financial hit solely

kids ill,aye it happens we share it.whomever is available frankly.both pull our weight and responsibilities equally

really,you are over thinking this

2individual accounts
1 joint
i spreadsheet,actual and planned

no specific expectation that i do as i am the mum

im unmaried and have robust legal agreements and wills too
all the legal stuff is tied up.did it when we moved in and prior to children

But that would be "dipping into someone else's wages" though, surely Lenin?

SM - are your incomes similar? I can see how it would work if both earned a similar reasonable wage (and you say you can pay for holidays etc) so I assume you do. but otherwise, well, I've read the threads too!

A few assumptions flying about here...

Got to be rich to start with (LRD) - nope. I'd say we are comfortable now but that is due to hard work, we both started with nothing. Realistically I'd have to admit I've probably delayed having children for 10 years so I can be in this comfortable position. Haven't been with OH that long.

Similar incomes (becky) - depends what you mean by similar? After pension payments I have about 25-30% more disposable income. We don't find that awkward, we've talked about it. I have more commitments elsewhere helping family so it evens out by end of the month.

It's a shame this thread has sunk into a slanging match (bit harsh maybe) - I'm really interested on whether those living different choices feel their feminist principles are undermined at all?

wiggly you don't sound spoiled at all! It is only natural to wobble when things change. Believe me I wobble when I think of my extended mat leave. Will I feel different about my status when my pay stops?

But then I've also read the "cocklodger" threads, so there you go!

no not similar wages.at all

SM, I didn't actually ask who pays the plumber though. I asked how you calculate who earned the money if my DH goes out to work (so doesn't have to stay in for the plumber) and I stay in. It makes no difference to what I'm doing if I stay in, so I'm not doing it for him ... but if he were single, he'd lose that hour's earning. That's the point: being in a couple is, if you are the person out at work away from the home, very economically favourable. In your scenario, the person who works out of the home automatically benefits; the person who stays at home loses out.

Well, similar amounts left over after other commitments is what I would mean by similar, so I guess you do! If there was a big discrepancy, as in my crude example, do you think it would still work?

pam - I didn't assume, I said it was my impression. I was hoping people would confirm or deny - not trying to insist you mustn't do this unless you are rich! Hope that makes more sense.

cleverly in my scenario,no one stats at home,not sahp
thats the point neither of us wanted to be sahp

Yes becky I do, as we both want it this way.

Interesting SM. So effectively you live within the means of the lowest earner with respect to home, holidays etc.

Oh ... so do you not do mat leave SM?! Crikey.

Well, I guess if you can manage it but I won't be trying that myself.

Given that lots of jobs are deeply unfeminist, I don't think that WOHM or not has much to do with feminism. Feminism is about women being able to make the life choices they want to make as opposed to having a lifestyle defined entirely by men/society at large.

LRD works from home SM.

of course i had mat leave.6mth

Hear hear Bonsoir

Wht jobs are unfeminist Bonsoir?

So, during your maternity leave, how do you resolve the kinds of debts/obligations I describe? Or did you just reckon (and I would understand why) that it was such a short time, a slight imbalance didn't bother you personally?

i paid my share of mortgage,bills etc as usual
all baby stuff split equally
as i said i saved and planned
and no i didnt do our money/family money