Riven, Secret Squirrel, good for you. If you want a medal for making better choices, have one. I'm pleased for you. I wish more women would follow your examples, I really do.
But most don't. Are women really that stupid? Or could it possibly be that something else is going on (like the patriarchy still influencing women's behaviour in subtle ways)?
Do you think people should be punished for not being strong? Do you think the vulnerable deserve ill-treatment for not standing up for themselves? Or do you think, as I do, that while it is always good to empower people and to try to get them to take control of their lives, it is actually far better to STOP people behaving badly in the first place. Then the vulnerable don't NEED to stand up for themselves. We try to get tourists to minimise their vulnerability to mugging, but if the worst happens we don't blame them for it, we blame the perpetrators. When it comes to sexist marriages or violence against women though, different rules apply it seems.
Not withstanding the odd individuals whose lives are so messed up that they actively court dangerous men, do you think abused women generally go round seeking out abusers? Do you think abusive men go round thumping their girlfriends on a first date? They don't come with a sign around their necks. They often wait until a woman is at her most vulnerable (e.g. pregnant and therefore willing to try harder to make the relationship work) and the first episodes of abuse are very subtle and rarely violent. It's insidious.
Likewise, a man with a sense of entitlement when it comes to housework etc quite often isn't revealed as one until their is a shift in the relationship, such as having the first child.
These imbalances are shored up by our culture. Paternity leave is unpaid, meaning it nearly always results in the mother staying at home. Finances are tight because there is only one full wage and a lot of extra costs, so often the man works harder meaning the woman is alone and therefore taking up more of the slack domestically. At the time everyone is sleep deprived and muddling through and things can easily become unequal before anyone realises what's happened.
When you're tired and stressed it is easier to focus on bigger problems rather than insidious problems like housework.
If a woman tries to redress an unequal relationship she is often made to feel petty - it's only over a bit of washing up after all, marriage is for life, it's all about compromise, you need to work at it, etc. If that's still not good enough and she leaves, she then has to face life as a single parent with all that entails (poverty, scapegoating). Some women stay because they know they will face poverty on their own and they see staying with a sexist partner as preferable to seeing their children suffer the difficulties that go with poverty. They sacrifice their own happiness and respect for what they see as better chances for their children. Misguided? Yes. Understandable? Yes. Worthy of scorn? No!
If a woman is unlucky enough to have a violent partner rather than one who is 'just' sexist, leaving is the point at which she is most likely to face stalking and serious violence. 2 women a week are killed by partners and ex partners in this country ? many of them were trying to leave and had just left. The reason many women stay is fear that leaving will get them killed. It's a rational fear. Who are you to say that if they stay they deserve that?
There is many a strong, independent woman who has found herself in these situations. You have to be lucky enough to fall in love with a man who don't behave like this or aware enough to spot the signs. We have a culture that actively discourages this - think of the behaviour presented in rom coms, twilight, etc. It's all presented as passion and romance. 
I'ven been there and come out of it. Before taking up with my XP I never understood women who put up with sexist and/or violent partners and also thought they deserved it for putting up with it. I had a humbling experience. Unless you've had it too, you really do not know how you'd react and whether or not you'd be strong enough to leave. And even if you're pretty sure, try some compassion. Everyone is clearly not as wonderful and strong as you are.