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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Consumerism, budgeting and wifework

155 replies

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 04/08/2011 04:28

So you know, just a trivial thread then.

Blackcurrants said something in the decluttering thread about us all having far more stuff than our forebears, and that partly leading to this problem with housework. I don't think that's at all true, actually. I think biggish households used to have big stores of linens, preserved food, candles, etc., because it wasn't possible to run out and buy a replacement at 2am, and without machines to wash dishes and clothes and carpets one needed more of those things to allow for the time consuming process of cleaning them.

But the reason I'm talking about it in a different thread is, I've been thinking about consumerism recently. It seems like everyone in my world is talking budgeting, decluttering, repurposing. We're in an era of austerity. Just as the mythical traditional household set up (woman at home, man at work, a nuclear family situation that existed between about 1945 and 1960) is held up as the Golden Ideal by social conservatives, it seems like wartime austerity, or the depression, are being lauded as an 'we was poor but we was 'appy' ideal.

And just as women are judged by the state of their houses, I think we're also, in this era, judged by, and blamed for, how much we buy. Are you poor? Is your home too small? Do you have debts? Well it's all that plastic crap you buy, isn't it? If you were just pure of heart and put more time and energy into repurposing, recycling, decluttering, you wouldn't have any of these problems. Look at the shining example of your forebears!

It's bloody women's work again, though, isn't it? All the women I know spend time decluttering, thinking about our houses, repurposing furniture (ok, that's fun, but still), scouring charity shops and flea markets for things to use, we swap coupons and keep mental lists of sales cycles, we meal plan and we start threads on websites about all of it. It just occurred to me yesterday how much mental energy, and in fact physical time, I spend on this. My husband, who has always done loads of housework and childcare and been about as Nigel as one can be? He does not think about this. At all. Ever. Yes, I spend more than he does. Because I do all the kid purchases, all the food purchases, all the home decor purchases. All on sale, or thrifted, or freecycled.

I suspect that even in households where the husband is the earner, and/or controls the finances, the minutaie that I'm talking about is wifework. Do you think I'm right?

OP posts:
TimeWasting · 08/08/2011 08:54

Tortoise, that is very useful knowledge to have.

Looking at this from the other perspective, are the men being infantilised by us mothering them?
Do we actually have the power that comes with the responsibility, or is being in this position without benefit?

Cleverything · 08/08/2011 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

garlicbutter · 08/08/2011 11:41

Tortoise, I could never be put off by your posts Grin

Actually, men do that stuff, you know. When I needed a circular saw recently, I looked on the DIY forums to find out when Aldi would be getting theirs in. I think, with most (stereotype-compliant) men, you'd find that their brains have a slot which notices what bits of guttering look like they're coming loose, knows how the car tyres are wearing, remembers where the drill charger is and so on. I reckon it's the same brain-slot women (stereotypically) use for toilet roll and salt, soap, etc. They use their "clothes and skincare" slot for football & cricket scores!

All of which is marvellously stereotypical, but doesn't cover those of us who have to do it all (except cricket/cosmetics) or who are making an effort to break free of stereotype. I do feel that each gender discounts the other's specialisms in this respect. I could be wrong.

As far as I know, such differences are purely cultural - to do with training from an early age. By way of example, that hoary old bollocks about men having better spatial awareness genetically was disproven when someone measured the brains of female London cabbies - doing the Knowledge makes their "map brain" just as big as the male drivers'.

Have any couples gone out of their way to exchange responsibiilities for the everyday remembering & management stuff? What happened?

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 08/08/2011 12:06

That's a very good point, garlic, and I will also agree that when we needed a new stovetop recently DH spent hours, HOURS, on internet forums researching models and brands and comparing prices and looking at online stores to see if the bargain + shipping was equivalent to buying domestically, etc. And I have to admit that after the first three or four conversations about this I started rolling my eyes all oh FFS just buy a bloody stovetop I DO NOT CARE. Which is pretty much his reaction to my "if I use the leftover roast pork in pasties that'll stretch it to two more meals and I won't need to go to the butcher's next week so we should save about ten quid".

OP posts:
garlicbutter · 08/08/2011 12:13

Great examples that really made me laugh!!

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