Consumerism, budgeting and wifework

[Tortoiseonthehalfshell]

So you know, just a trivial thread then.

Blackcurrants said something in the decluttering thread about us all having far more stuff than our forebears, and that partly leading to this problem with housework. I don't think that's at all true, actually. I think biggish households used to have big stores of linens, preserved food, candles, etc., because it wasn't possible to run out and buy a replacement at 2am, and without machines to wash dishes and clothes and carpets one needed more of those things to allow for the time consuming process of cleaning them.

But the reason I'm talking about it in a different thread is, I've been thinking about consumerism recently. It seems like everyone in my world is talking budgeting, decluttering, repurposing. We're in an era of austerity. Just as the mythical traditional household set up (woman at home, man at work, a nuclear family situation that existed between about 1945 and 1960) is held up as the Golden Ideal by social conservatives, it seems like wartime austerity, or the depression, are being lauded as an 'we was poor but we was 'appy' ideal.

And just as women are judged by the state of their houses, I think we're also, in this era, judged by, and blamed for, how much we buy. Are you poor? Is your home too small? Do you have debts? Well it's all that plastic crap you buy, isn't it? If you were just pure of heart and put more time and energy into repurposing, recycling, decluttering, you wouldn't have any of these problems. Look at the shining example of your forebears!

It's bloody women's work again, though, isn't it? All the women I know spend time decluttering, thinking about our houses, repurposing furniture (ok, that's fun, but still), scouring charity shops and flea markets for things to use, we swap coupons and keep mental lists of sales cycles, we meal plan and we start threads on websites about all of it. It just occurred to me yesterday how much mental energy, and in fact physical time, I spend on this. My husband, who has always done loads of housework and childcare and been about as Nigel as one can be? He does not think about this. At all. Ever. Yes, I spend more than he does. Because I do all the kid purchases, all the food purchases, all the home decor purchases. All on sale, or thrifted, or freecycled.

I suspect that even in households where the husband is the earner, and/or controls the finances, the minutaie that I'm talking about is wifework. Do you think I'm right?

Ah. Yep. I just used to see it as temporary, the intensity with littlies. I did love it but it is a world away from when they are at school.

Back to the subject matter of the thread, the thing about recyclign etc. - women are far more likely to do all the recycling stuff, dividing out the rubbish obediently into paper, compost etc., and I think that taps into the social role of women as keepers of morality, order, decency etc. In Victorian times women were expected to be the guardians of morality, the keepers of the home, etc. - it's just an updating of that role isn't it?

Only we're keepers of the planet / human decency now

All the research says women are the ones who are more likely to take account of companies' ethical stances on various issues in their buying choices. So tney're more likely to boycott a shop because of sweatshops in Asia or whatever.

When they are at school I won't be a SAHM or housewife. I'm not 100% on what I will be doing.

I'll still be doing all the wifework. As distinct from actually cleaning.

Things like planning and buying the Christmas presents, remembering which juice DS won't drink, keeping an eye on stocks of toilet roll, making acquaintances of the other childrens mothers to help sort playdates, listing all our crap on Freecycle.

Again, not in every household.

DH was obsessing about recyling and saving the planet long before kerbside collections. [eyeroll]

Ah, see I like all the wife (mum?) work because I am an anal control freak.

Wallis you don't need to point out that this isn't the case in every household.

I'm assuming a level of intelligence from most Mumsnet posters, that when we discuss issues like this, it's kind of obvious that generalities don't hold true for all individual households.

We don't need to caveat every post saying that it doesn't apply to everyone, that's a given.

HTH.

DH got really angry about having to sort some recycling out earlier, rather than shoving the whole lot of stuff he was sorting into the bin. I insisted though.
He was going to stick the actual junk into the bin, but I am the one who is aware that that bin won't be collected til Tuesday, and that if it is full of non-organic rubbish, the food waste that will inevitably be generated before then will have to sit outside the bin and get maggoty. And when the bin gets maggoty, I'll be the one needing to clean it out, as he's simply too busy atm. So obviously the non-organic waste can go in a binbag at the side of the bin, and get stuffed in on Monday night if there's still room.

That is wifework, having your brain full of domestic detail, when the other adult in the house doesn't have to.

I live by the Organised Mum ( yup!) Wall Calender and stick on stickers.
If it ain't on the calender, it doesn't happen.

I LOVE Wifework. Will try to join the discussion.

Agree that the contemporary incarnation of frugality chic draws on the notions of post-war 'make do and mend', keeping the home fires burning, but is actually more expensive than buying new at least some of the time. Look at the Kirstie's Home Made Home stuff on that series towards the end of last year. It's actually an indulgence for the comfortably off rather than a way of saving money. So as a woman you can end up caught between that and the 'woman as crazed undiscriminating consumer' stereotype that seems to be applied lower down the income scale.

Agree in general about the minutae of home decor, recycling / decluttering coming down as wifework, though it's not so easy to generalise completely. IME men tend to like the furniture / decorating / big picture stuff (as per the leaf blower story). Also, I feel decluttering is my job, but that's because I create a huge amount of clutter - I am definitely the dominant producer of clutter in the house, so I want to deal with it for that reason rather than because I'm a woman. (Found the feminism, housework and Flylady thread v interesting but haven't got round to posting.)

Just to be crystal clear, I meant that I loved the book, rather than the activity...

Someone said to me the other day that buying biscuits, cakes, puddings, pies, pizzas, lasagnas, quiches etc., is now actually cheaper than making them.

You spend loads of money, time and labour on ingredients when if you simply bought them, in many cases they taste exactly the same and they are cheaper and don't cost time and labour.

I'm still trying to get my head round that one.

She may be right.

Herb, I can completely believe that. Making things in bulk is always going to be cheaper. Now there's enough consumer power to keep the additives down, it's not unhealthier than making it yourself either.

It's true. My DH loves baking and we once costed out the cake he'd just made, including time for the labour - definitely would've been cheaper to buy a Tesco Finest. Now people like eating home made cake, and he likes baking them, but it's definitely not the cheapest option.

"been about as Nigel as one can be"

Is this an interesting autocorrect?

HerBex I agree with cheaper but rarely with "tastes the same".

I make jam and it's definitely more expensive.

But it does taste better.

Has v. little labour and time involved though thanks to breadmaker.

Reading with interest. I love my DH very much but something that drives me mad is that he is adamant that he just cannot predict/remember what 'stuff' needs doing around the home - he'll do it if it's utterly routine or if I ask him, but it won't occur to him off his own bat. And I find it really exhausting keeping a dozen things in mind all the time. It's not a huge issue atm as we have no children and live very close to the shops, but I can see how it could become a huge annoyance.

As to 'clutter' - something I think is really crappy is the way the media pushes the 'all men like gadgets' line. No they fucking don't! DH isn't suffering silently because we don't own x, y and z bits of tat. He doesn't give a shit. If I were being cynical I'd note that while it is considered chic and cutesy for women to bake cupcakes (blah, boring) with delightful old-fashioned bowls and hand-whisks, men's clutter is at least meant to be state-of-the-art and new!

I can't see how buying bread cold possible be cheaper, btw.

Agree completely with those who have said that the whole austerity /recycling movement in the main falls to women to do as the 'guardians of morality'.

Pre-made sauces/lasagnas etc I find inedible, however I do cook in bulk at the weekend, 4 identical tomato sauce based meals (veg sauce, sausage casserole, chicken stew, spaghetti bol) for week main meals every week...when I proudly suggested this approach to a couple of female (married mothers) colleagues...they both confessed that husbands would not tolerate eating the same meals all the time, and they felt obligated to introduce new foods to their kids.

These are senior level women with stressful, demanding long hour jobs....and they still feel obligated to perform wifework (to the highest standard possible)....and are oppressed by it because it is time-consuming and labour intensive.

....and even I with my domestic slattern ways suggested an option to them which involved them doing the work (albeit less)...I don't have a choice as the only adult in the house.

I think another aspect is the guilt. I am a good mum, I think (DD 8 months seems happy), but I am a lousy housekeeper. DH and FIL are far better and are happy to do the necessary chores but I feel as though I should be better.

As to gadgets, DH loves them, but he prefers them to be old so he can tinker happily. Plus DD loves sitting on her dad's lap watching.

4 identical tomato sauces would drive me mad - don't care what DP or imaginary DCs would think.

Wifework is not available for Kindle. Damn.

I'd quite like the recipe though....

i might buythis book as i am positively schizophrenic in my thought process about this.

there is my idealism which goes like this

i, by virtue of being a woman am no more predisposed to thinking about recycling, and when the bins are collected.

i by virtue of being a woman, was not born with the inate ability to remember not to put a red thing in with a white thing on a hot wash, or to remember there is something called a 'wool' wash.

i by virtue of being a woman, shouldn't have to practically kill someone before they clean the shower, becuase ...i, as a woman cannot - by virtue of being such - be the only person to see dirt.

therefore ideally as a human being dh and other members of the family are quite capable of thinking and acting on these things.

FURTHERMORE: IDEALLY...as a mother 'tis no less than my moral duty to ensure that my sons know how to make food (not bake you understand i can't even do that) and how to wash their clothes.

REALISTICALLY.

it just isn't like that - i can't get my hjead round the weekly argument i have over dh not remembering to take the fucking bin out on wednesday night.

I may murder him over it.

i cannot get my head round, why he can't understand that a red thing and a white thing shouldnt go togther - he has a degree, he can do maths as quick as a shot, his general knowledge is excellent. He retains knowledge, he reads all the time THEN WHY CAN'T HE REMEMBER THIS?

i wasn't born with a fucking instruction manual shoved up my fanny!

lots of childrearin things too

and and....

we went shopping only this weekend

we did the food - food he eats - he gets, he loves - he even cooks.

then he went to checkout becuase 'we've probably spent too much'

but what about washing powder, cleaning cloths, washing up liquid, bleach?

....truth is he wasn't interested in looking at this