Cameron goes after absent fathers

[sunshineandbooks]

Except he doesn't, not really.

He says all the right rhetoric, but fails to introduce any hard policies that will back up what he's saying. He does, however, use it as an excuse to insist that families staying together is the best way to combat this problem, and restates his intention to back this up with hard policies like the married tax allowance.

Way to go Cameron. Completely fail to take into account that there's a bloody good reason that many women leave their partner's why don't you. Not to mention the ones who just got left in the first place. Forcing people to stay together will achieve nothing but a lot of misery and some desperately unhappy children.

How do they always manage to turn something that sounds female friendly initially into a covert attack against women achieving independence and equality. Grrrrrr.

Was he speaking about forcing people to stay together? He did repeat his view that marriage should be supported, but this was tangential to what he said, and has been barely picked up in commentary.

All the accounts I've seen/watched have focussed on the attempt to create a societal norm whereby both parents continue to be involved in their children's lives and the NRP provides financial support.

I have a separate problem with this - how it conflicts with the policies of a fee for CSA and a levy on maintenance.

If the NHS / police are going to provide anger management / therapy for abusive fathers then that might make a difference. Christ knows what would have happened if we were still living with or in contact with the dc's dad .

He pays maintenance but I live in fear of him turning up and kicking off.

I wouldn't want anyone to think I wasn't letting XP see the kids just to spite him, it's to keep the kids safe.

this from the BBC about it - note that Erin Pizzey puts in her tuppenceworth about "feckless women" being partly to blame as well.

There is. I've just found it and added the BBC link to that as well because I'm so disgusted that that woman has chosen to blame the women again.

And what make you girls of women who deny decent fathers the chance to actually want to be part of their childrens lives?

Families do need Fathers in some cases just as much as they need mothers.

I was actually quite disappointed with Mr Camerons speech i felt he could have actually stepped up the actual speech re-inforcement by putting something into practice that provided a Father had been involved the law would be there to support the children in having shared parenting responsibilities.

I've been in touch with MP's offices today about the progress of something that was listed but didn't have time to be discussed and was disappointed that there is now a 3month delay!

Riakin, I wouldn't deny that there are decent fathers out there denied the chance to be a part of their DC's life. Shame on them too. But the problem you're describing applies to a much smaller proportion of separated parents in comparison to the number of fathers who do not pay for their children or who cannot be bothered to participate in their children's lives.

This is a feminist section. I wouldn't want to see any decent men excluded from seeing their DC, but if men want that enshrined in law, they need to fight for it themselves the same way women have had to fight for the vote and for maternity leave. We women are too busy trying to fight to even get ourselves heard.

Shame on those mothers too (was what that should have read obv.)

Agree with Erin P that a lot of women could think harder about who they're having children with ('abusive fuckwits'??). For some younger women the relationship with the father is over before the baby is born, or soon after. Which partner is closing the relationship?

Erin Pizzey did some amazing work when she first started out and set up refuges, but these days she is widely considered by women's welfare charities as something of an apologist for abusers, so I don't think we should be taking her very seriously, do you?

I agree that it would be good if women only had children with decent men. However, I think much of that responsibility should be on men to be decent in the first place, more so than it should be placed on the woman to 'choose the right man' since most abusive men do not show their true colours until the relationship has progressed quite far, with abuse first showing up in pregnancy being quite common. Is she supposed to be psychic? Shouldn't the baseline be that a man is decent rather than a woman having to suspect all men of being abusers and trying to spot the signs? Maybe if less men were abusive there would be fewer relationship break ups in the first place. 1 in 4 women are abused, and as that's only based on reported crime figures, the real figure is probably far, far higher. Not something our society should be proud of, is it.

Ultimately, does it matter who breaks up the relationship? If it's not going to work (for whatever reason) it's not going to work, is it. Far better for a child to be brought up by a single parent than a warring couple.

However, let's not get side-tracked by the whole young mother rubbish. Only 2% of single parents are under 20. The average age is 36, with most leaving a married or cohabiting relationship.

"For some younger women the relationship with the father is over before the baby is born, or soon after. Which partner is closing the relationship?"

For some older women too. I dumped my xp before I actually found out I was pregnant with DC2. I closed the relationship. I did so because XP was a rubbish partner and father. It was the right thing to do. I'm glad I did it and I wish more women would do it where men are crap, because I think it would be good for them and their children.

Some men are absolutely terrified that women won't put up with them if they are shit. It doesn't seem to occur to them, that we women are so tolerant that we will put up with them if they are only vaguely OK, so if they could up their game to being merely OK, rather than truly piss-poor, most women will put up with them. They don't even have to be really good, in most cases.